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jls274

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Everything posted by jls274

  1. I'm not sure that the symptoms ever truly just go away, but they do improve and become less severe, I can personally attest to that. I am a bit of an outlier in how I have dealt with this since onset in 2002. Big mushroom dose left me with horrible, crippling really, dp/dr, visual snow, tracers, floaters, negative images when staring for mere seconds at an object, depression, anxiety, and just utter hopelessness. But over time (around 4 years after onset) I was able to go full days without even really letting the symptoms affect me, and even days where I barely noticed the symptoms. It was at that point I actually felt courageous enough to trip again and it was wonderful...so much so I have tripped roughly 6 times since my hope onset in 2002. ...but again I didn't try that until around 2006. What really gave me symptom improvement for whatever reason was tramadol. That drug literally saved me from suicide. I did not want to go on living with my symptoms on a few different occasions, but after starting tramadol, I have not had a single day where my symptoms overwhelmed me or even really shook me at all. They are still there but to such a mild degree that it doesn't even remotely affect my life. I have had a few serious relationships in this span and none were destroyed or even moved negatively by HPPD. The same cannot be said for the relationship I was in when symptoms first arose. I have a wonderful fiance, I was able to graduate from university of Texas with a degree in political science and one later in accounting and also was able to graduate law school in 2010, though I do not practice and have not sat for my state BAR exam. Those things were a fucking fairy tale at best back in 2002-2005. And again, I am not saying I am symptoms free, but I CAN AND WILL SAY UNEQUIVOCALLY that symptoms will over time lessen in severity and the human mind is remarkably nimble and will adjust to your new normal accordingly, it just takes time and a positive attitude. Do not give up and do not believe that you are forever stuck in the miserable state you find yourself in when symptoms of HPPD first appear. Your mind took a fucking wallop (yes, that is the medical term) and it will take time to heal and adjust, but it will. Have faith. I am nobody special, trust me, and I have been through some of the worst symptoms this shit has to throw at someone and I am here to tell you that my symptoms have improved, and if mine have, then it is possible that symptoms can improve for anyone going through this. Just try and stay strong. Fill your life with things you love and enjoy and do your best to find the positive in everything, including your symptoms. Stay strong you guys. Much love to all
  2. Ive only stopped once (1 and 1/2 days about 2 years ago)...not by choice. The detox was so rough physically that i had no more energy to devote to anything pshycological or visual. So, yah, i really cant answe
  3. No prob. About the tramadol...i dont know, i have only not had the but one time (for 2 days), and the detox was such a mess that i dont think i wouldve noticed. The great thing about tramadol is that the half-life is around 16-20 hours. That makes it pretty hard to clear your bloodstream of tramadol.
  4. My recovery was honestly about 100%. I have zero phsychological hppd symptoms and the only visuals i have are floaters (which my girlfriend sees in her vision too...shes never done any hallucinogen) and tracers (but i have to stare intently at the light at is moves past to even see it). Snow can be seen if i REALLY focus on seeing it, and even so the lighting has to be just right for me to even see the snow while intently focusing on seeing it. I mean, yah 100% may not be possible, but trust me, even a 75% symptom reduction is bliss and will have you functioning like your old self. Keep positive, its beatable...maybe not 100%, but cmon, 99% symptom reduction is having your hppd symptoms all but gone...which we all would give a limb for during the REALLY bad days with hppd.
  5. Hey andrew! You can actually order tramadol on the internet without a scrip and it will arrive in a couple days (2-3 days usually, sometimes overnight). It is not controlled in texas (my home) and many other states. There are a handful of states that have put it on their controlled substance list, but even then you can still order cuz you have a scrip. And, if you are in a no-ship state (certain pharmacies wont ship to certain states) you can always purchase from overseas. Like in thailand tramadol is over the counter, and you can order a boatload for relatively cheap. Shoot me a message and i will give you the sites i have used. Caution: it is addictive, and withdrawal is awful (worse than hydrocodone by far) but ill trade an addiction for hppd relief any friggin day. If you can keep your intake in check, withdrawal will be mild. Ive let myself get a lil hog wild on them in the past and ran out and suffered the withdrawal wrath. Now i keep my intake to 6-10 per day supposedly youre not supposed to take more than 8 in a day, but nothing has ever happened to me from taking more, though ive read seizure and serotonin syndrome can occur from abuse of tramadol. Hope this helped. Let me know if you have any other questions or anything. Cheers, j.
  6. Pretty good. I still remember almost everything during that time, and my memory now is sharp. I did notice focusing and problem solving was difficult during the height of my hppd, but memory never really took a hit. Hope that helps
  7. I get basically full symptom relief from tramadol. Been on it about five years, no hppd to speak of anymore. And my hppd symptoms were really bad before i started the tramadol. Visuals non-stop, depression, anxiety, "out of body" feelings (like my mind was seperate from my body...if that makes sense). But about 2 weeks after starting tramadol, things got markedly better and my hppd symptoms are about 99.9% gone. I can still see visual snow and floaters and tracers, but i have to be looking for, or focusing on, seeing it.
  8. My mom knew something was up. She even said a couple years ago that she used to freak out on her way home that when she got there she would find me dead...like suicide. I was suicidal for awhile, but never really tried to hurt myself. My symptoms abated a few years ago and at that time i told her what was going on back then. She said i shouldve just told her, but i didnt know how. She wasnt/isnt anti-drugs, but just didnt want her to worry herself...which obviously didnt work because she was worried just by my demeanor. If i had it to do over again, i would be honest. Its never bad to have your parents' understanding and support...assuming their personal beliefs wouldnt preclude their being understanding.
  9. Hey dizzymike! Honestly, everything will be alright. I know that seems really hard to believe, but it is true. I went through all that crap for over 5 years and know it is really hard to find happiness in anything. Just remember, people do beat this (i did)!! It is far from a death sentence and is just a kink in the brain, nothing that will really harm you. Just try to remember that who knows, tomorrow could bring about a breakthrough in science of brain chemistry and BOOM...a cure comes forth. That is one way i stayed positive, or tried to. Hoping you snap out of the funk, man. Need to talk, i check here 3-4 times daily. Feel Better! J
  10. Syntheso: My HPPD was really bad. The visuals and anxiety/depression basically made me an agoraphob. Visuals included snow/static/rain, halos, tracers, geometric patterns when eyes closed or in dark place, negative image retention, periphery movement in my vision, and tracers/floaters, etc... My visuals now...almost non existent. I have to really focus on seeing the visual anomolies just to even vaguely spot them. It is so crazy how far it has come. I wouldve literally cried if this self had told my past self it would be like this. I thought life was over. As for other things i was doing...my diet sucked. With hppd and bed ridden from herniated discs, you can imagine how much processed food and drinks/soda i put in my belly. Obviously wasjt working out either. I know tramadol has some wicked mode of action and whatever it does, i think it really did kick start my symptom remission.
  11. I dont know the exact mechanism(s) of action, but after my car accident I was put on tramadol because vicodin made me sick. The tramadol wasnt that great for the pain (herniated discs L3-L5 lumbar) but it had an immense effect on my hppd. First it really helped my anxiety/depression, which made me dwell much less, and eventually i noticed that the less time i dwelled on my plight, the more my visuals dissapated. Ive said before that Im not 100% positive that tramadol was the key to everything, but Obviously it didnt hurt. Anyone else tried tramadol for their hppd symptoms?
  12. I really believe the real hppd battle is the anxiety/depression/detatchment. Once that was under control for me the visuals became more manageable and even started subsiding a ways down the road. I honestly believe most can get their hppd to manageable levels. You just have to find the combo of remedies that work for you and that you are comfortable with. No two people are alike (cliche but true) and i dont think any 2 recovery methods would look alike. Thats why in my intro i just offered info and any help i could. I doubt my method would work for most, but i have been in your shoes...i know the deaspair and hopelesness and even guilt that is felt. So again, if anyone wants to talk, im here, and who knows maybe my recovery method could help. I feel like i was blessed to snap out and i really want to help others. If i cant, then dammit i cant, but i really want to try. I know how bad it sucks on a daily basis (hell really a second-to-second basis) and if i can help just one person i would be soooooo happy. God bless (sorry if God isnt your cup of tea).
  13. I totally think I exacerbated the effects of my HPPD early on by continuing to smoke pot. Mushrooms (and lots of the) were definitely the catalyst, but marijuana definitely gave the hppd symptoms a big boost. My recovery took about 5-6 years. I found the hppd mentally could be coped with after about a year, but the visual anomolies persisted much longer (the whole 5+ years). I just noticed the visuals start rapidly declining one summer when i had moved to a new city to attend law school. Now i have to actively try and notice the visuals...they no longer just run roughshed through my field of vision. Early on i couldnt avoid the visuals, and now i can hardly pick them up at all unless i sit there and try to. Things will get better for you, i truly believe that.
  14. Hey jimmyb! Ive never had much luck with doctors when it came to my HPPD stuff. The first doc i saw for it (and i was bluntly and totally honest about the drugs) looked at me like i had fried my brain and the visuals were a manifestation of chemical imbalances and threw me on paxil and alprazolam. Neither worked well. No med has had any positive effect on me, sabe for tramadol, but like ive said before, it may have all been coincidence that my taking tramadol and my symptom submission took place at basically the same point in time. I dont think meds are the answer, though. I think a huge hurdle is just accepting what has happened, not blaming yourself for past mistakes that got you there, and trying to move forward constantly. When i finally just accepted what happened instead of kicking myself dwelling on it every single second of the day, it all became so much more manageable. My anxiety/depression/detatchment all improved dramatically. The visuals were still strong then, but that can be set aside so long as youre in a good state of mind. Good luck to you, hope everything works out swimmingly for you.
  15. I have a J.D., but no Ph.D. My HPPD actually subsided basically back to my pre-hallucinogen self while in law school. My catalyst for recovery was tramadol it seems. Dont know that for certain, but my symptoms got better once i got on tramadol. I was abusing the tramadol, but i didnt care, was wayyyyy better than detatchment, depression, anxiety, agoraphobia, and all the disturbing visuals. My aunt is actually a nuero surgeon, but she is so straight lace i wouldnt even know how to get to a conversation about HPPD.
  16. Also posted in "Introductions": Hi everyone! Ive been a longtime observer of this and the old forum. I was struck with strong symptoms of HPPD about 11 years ago after a heavy dose mushroom trip. Had all sorts of nasty symptoms(indoor rain/snow/static, floaters, trails and halos, tracers, light blobs, geometric patterns when eyes closed or in darkness/dark room, periphery vision movements, negative image retention, etc., etc., etc.). This went on for years. It affected every part of my life. About a year in, it was so bad that I contemplated suicide daily. My grades struggled, my relationship fell apart (she began thinking i was losing it--she was correct), my life was a complete mess. I honestly didnt even feel human. I felt like this messed up walking mind fucked brain in a body that doesnt even belong with it. I never could pull the trigger on suicide (no pun intended) and just dealt with it all the best i could. Things werent getting any better, but i was getting better at dealing with it all. Yes, it was 5 years of hell. A hell i wouldnt wish upon anyone. I thought my life was essentially over, that i would be this weird/disturbed socially awkward person with crazy visual anomolies that drove me nuts. Well, after that initial 5-6 years, things did start to dramatically change. I was noticing sever symptom decrease daily. I was actually feeling less detatched and not just by ignoring the feeling of detatchment, but legitimately feeling more like a person, not some detatched body imprisoned brain. I really didnt do anything special, the symptoms just faded over time to where i had no symptoms at all. I still have no symptoms. Well, none is a stretch, but they are soooooo mild that they arent noticeable unless i seek out noticing them. I have been basically symptom free now for 6-ish years. No flare-ups or setbacks whatsoever. The only thing i did differently at the time of symptom decrease was that i began taking tramadol daily for an injury i suffered in a car wreck (herniated discs L3-L5 lumbar region low back). I found it very helpful with my anxiety/depression mood swings that HPPD brings with it. I am not recommending/encouraging everyone go get on tramadol, all i can say is that it undoubtedly helped me during that time. Hell the tramadol timing with symptom subsiding may have just been placebo or coincidence, but either way, it had a marked effect on my visuals and mental state especially. Anyway, i write this to show everyone that recovery can happen. It took time, and alot of it, but it happened. It happened for me and my hppd symptoms were so strong/bad they were ruining my life. Stay strong everyone, (i know...thats easier said than done) the symptoms can subside and even disappear altogether over time. It happened to me, and i assure you all that i am nothing special. Good luck everyone. If anyone wants to know more detailed info on my journey through and out of the HPPD mess, just let me know. I came on here to provide hope and to help anyone that wanted my help. Again, good luck everyone, and have a wonderful day.
  17. Hi everyone! Ive been a longtime observer of this and the old forum. I was struck with strong symptoms of HPPD about 11 years ago after a heavy dose mushroom trip. Had all sorts of nasty symptoms(indoor rain/snow/static, floaters, trails and halos, tracers, light blobs, geometric patterns when eyes closed or in darkness/dark room, periphery vision movements, negative image retention, etc., etc., etc.). This went on for years. It affected every part of my life. About a year in, it was so bad that I contemplated suicide daily. My grades struggled, my relationship fell apart (she began thinking i was losing it--she was correct), my life was a complete mess. I honestly didnt even feel human. I felt like this messed up walking mind fucked brain in a body that doesnt even belong with it. I never could pull the trigger on suicide (no pun intended) and just dealt with it all the best i could. Things werent getting any better, but i was getting better at dealing with it all. Yes, it was 5 years of hell. A hell i wouldnt wish upon anyone. I thought my life was essentially over, that i would be this weird/disturbed socially awkward person with crazy visual anomolies that drove me nuts. Well, after that initial 5-6 years, things did start to dramatically change. I was noticing sever symptom decrease daily. I was actually feeling less detatched and not just by ignoring the feeling of detatchment, but legitimately feeling more like a person, not some detatched body imprisoned brain. I really didnt do anything special, the symptoms just faded over time to where i had no symptoms at all. I still have no symptoms. Well, none is a stretch, but they are soooooo mild that they arent noticeable unless i seek out noticing them. I have been basically symptom free now for 6-ish years. No flare-ups or setbacks whatsoever. The only thing i did differently at the time of symptom decrease was that i began taking tramadol daily for an injury i suffered in a car wreck (herniated discs L3-L5 lumbar region low back). I found it very helpful with my anxiety/depression mood swings that HPPD brings with it. I am not recommending/encouraging everyone go get on tramadol, all i can say is that it undoubtedly helped me during that time. Hell the tramadol timing with symptom subsiding may have just been placebo or coincidence, but either way, it had a marked effect on my visuals and mental state especially. Anyway, i write this to show everyone that recovery can happen. It took time, and alot of it, but it happened. It happened for me and my hppd symptoms were so strong/bad they were ruining my life. Stay strong everyone, (i know...thats easier said than done) the symptoms can subside and even disappear altogether over time. It happened to me, and i assure you all that i am nothing special. Good luck everyone. If anyone wants to know more detailed info on my journey through and out of the HPPD mess, just let me know. I came on here to provide hope and to help anyone that wanted my help. Again, good luck everyone, and have a wonderful day.
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