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losing hope


bpl4269
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Ive hit the six month mark and im still depersonalized, and my visuals are worse than when I first contracted hppd. What the fuck am I supposed to do. My brain is fucked. My moods are up and down constantly. Im doing everything I can to heal and nothing is working. Is there still hope that I will get better? I have no idea. :(

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Ive hit the six month mark and im still depersonalized, and my visuals are worse than when I first contracted hppd. What the fuck am I supposed to do. My brain is fucked. My moods are up and down constantly. Im doing everything I can to heal and nothing is working. Is there still hope that I will get better? I have no idea. :(

I feel you mate, the depersonalization is awful.

There is definitely still hope you'll recover, there have been stories of people naturally recovering anywhere between 3 months and 5 years, perhaps you'd like to read the success stories section and some of the posts in the introductions forums, you'll not only see how many have naturally recovered in that timeframe but how life does get easier even if this doesn't go away.

Even without a natural recovery there is the pharmacological route of trying out Keppra, Sinemet, Clonidine, Flunarizine, Lamictal, Clonazepam etc. along with supplements. Also me and another member are trying out a possible medication Coluracetam very soon which might inspire some hope in you, so watch out for that.

Hope is far from lost yet my friend, but I believe in being a realist, so for now, I'd recommend finding a way to live your life with the burden of HPPD. I know it's hard but you will develop better coping mechanisms over time, and there are many people on the forums who are into their decades with HPPD who will tell you that quality of life does improve a lot.

So yeah, have a good read through the success stories section and the introductions section, that always gives me hope when I feel I need it.

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  • 4 weeks later...

I know how impossible it is to believe there's any reason to have hope when you're in the midst of the most intense symptoms. Believe me when I say there is. Don't drink alcohol. Don't smoke cigarettes. Don't drink any caffiene (even give up caffeineated soda.) Take B-vitamins every day. It takes a while dude, maybe years, but it will happen. I even tripped again and drank like hell and smoked cigarettes and drank coffee by the gallon and it set me back, but I got better.

 

onedayillsailagain: I know how bad that hurts. I had mine in the midst of some of the worst of it. I also graduated highschool in that bad a place. I couldn't feel anything. I remember drinking all kinds of soda to try to get enough caffeine in me to feel some sort of excitement. It didn't work and I could have died seeing everyone elses joy and knowing that was never going to happen to me.

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I'm new here, but far from new to the pain hppd can wreck on your life. Trust me when I say that the depersonalization and mood swings will pass. These are not a symptoms of hppd but rather symptoms of the mental stress associated with it. Once you are able to overcome the stress and anxiety, you will be left with just the visuals. Which will decrease on their own. And as you let those slide to the back of your mind. Then you will be a whole lot better.

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onedayillsailagain: I know how bad that hurts. I had mine in the midst of some of the worst of it. I also graduated highschool in that bad a place. I couldn't feel anything. I remember drinking all kinds of soda to try to get enough caffeine in me to feel some sort of excitement. It didn't work and I could have died seeing everyone elses joy and knowing that was never going to happen to me.

Yep.. or seeing the person you love most in your life after a year of not seeing them, and not feeling a thing, subsequently feeling guilty and ashamed.

You guys are the best :) If I could hug you guys I would,(no homo) lol thanks for the mood boost :-) just brightened my day a bit.

How are you doing these days? :)

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I'm a 15 yr survivor of this mental and spuritual raping. They say it gets better. That's very subjective. I say it "changes" or maybe a person can become conditioned to accept it as the new "normal" but it takes a lot of work to get there. I've never been the same and miss the person I was and any lesson this nightmare taught me about myselfI could easily have discovered without the perpetual shitty trip. Losing hope? I guess I walk that fine line everyday as I see reports of research detailing ways to regenerate the mind from time to time renewing hope and there are days when I just want to go to Vegas for one last hurrah. Don't know what to say except that you never know what tomorrow may bring. Maybe the work and effort put into this board will pay off for all of us one day so try to hold on.

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