Hello everyone!

[Sam93]

Hello everyone

Great to finally be on the forums after lurking for a while, my name's Sam and I'm 20 years old currently living in Derbyshire, England. 

 

I developed HPPD after a trip on 25b-nBOME, which is the only hallucinogen I've ever taken. I pretty much woke up with the HPPD the day after the trip and it has not improved in the 3 months since, if anything it has got slightly worse.

 

My main symptoms are visual snow, patterns on surfaces, wobbly edges, long trails/after-images and slight movement of objects when I look at them for more than a few seconds, and letters flashing with different colours. However my worst symptom by far is the dissociation (or DP/DR if you like?) I feel very disconnected from myself, my surroundings and my emotions. 

 

The first week after developing HPPD I couldn't leave the house due to the extreme anxiety and panic attacks I was suffering, along with withdrawals from a lengthy drug binge I was coming down from. I suffer with OCD also which does not help and came very close to ending my life, but I tried to keep myself as busy as possible and fight through it. About a month ago I decided to go back to college and have been very fortunate to make some good friends and even meet my current girlfriend, the anxiety has died down a lot as well and I am at the point where I can function in day to day life again.

 

However, I am still left with a bad case of dissociation, The worst symptom of which is not being able to feel or experience much emotion. Situations which would normally provide an emotional response such as looking at a sunset, cuddling with a girl or someone telling a funny joke don't provide an emotional response any more, I just feel numb. I know the emotions are still there underneath this but I feel disconnected from them/unable to 'access' them. If this symptom went away then I really wouldn't care about the others. 

 

I haven't tried any medications as of yet as I am only 3 months in and so am hoping/praying for a natural recovery, however I have tried Benzo's a few times which help immensely with my visuals but do very little for my DP/DR sadly, in fact nothing seems to help the DP/DR.

 

One thing I will say about my HPPD is I think it came for a reason, I was a bad drug addict for 4 years before my HPPD came along, and I can say with 100% confidence that if I didn't develop HPPD and stop using, I would be dead for sure. I didn't even admit I had a problem to myself before, but since then I have told my parents about my HPPD and my drug addiction, who have been overwhelmingly supportive despite being worried sick.

 

My life now consists of trying my best to perform well at college, getting out with my mates as much as I can and spending time with my girlfriend, as well as staying sober. I plan to start attending Narcotics Anonymous meetings to help with my drug problems and am trying to keep as positive as I can, which is all we can do I suppose.

Apologies this was a lengthy introduction, but it's very nice to meet you all and I look forward to speaking with you all in the near future.

 

God bless

 

-Sam

 

 

[onedayillsailagain]

Hey Sam,

welcome to the forum, and thanks for sharing you story!
Seeing as you are hoping to recover without medications, perhaps consider some good supplements to help that process, along with proper nutrition of course. It'll definitely help your cause, and you'll feel better about yourself for investing in pills that are good for you If you need references: Longecity.org, Examine.com and Lef.org are good places to start educating yourself on how to support a healthy lifestyle through nutraceuticals.

I wish you the best of luck.
Odisa.

[Sam93]

Hey Sam,

welcome to the forum, and thanks for sharing you story!

Seeing as you are hoping to recover without medications, perhaps consider some good supplements to help that process, along with proper nutrition of course. It'll definitely help your cause, and you'll feel better about yourself for investing in pills that are good for you If you need references: Longecity.org, Examine.com and Lef.org are good places to start educating yourself on how to support a healthy lifestyle through nutraceuticals.

I wish you the best of luck.

Odisa.

 

Hi, thanks for your reply

 

Currently I'm supplementing with Vitamin C, Vitamin B complex, Omega 3, N Acetyl Cysteine and Magnesium, and have tried some legal benzos (in my country anyway) namely Etizolam and Pyrazolam which do help the visuals a lot, however they are expensive and I don't think I'll bother.

 

Living healthily and getting in to a routine has definitely helped however.