Id just like to say hi and that its good to know Im not the only one

[stewy1980]

Im 32 years old and live in the north west of england and ive had what i assume is hppd for the past

12 to 13 years. When i was about 13 i was introduced to solvents and I would spend the next 3 years bouncing between glue,petrol , lighter gas a. acid .At first i didnt really trip but after the first time i did, I found it would happen every time and thats what got me hooked.It was if i had opened the door to aladdins cave.Whilst my friends would sit just giggling about how funny they felt I would drift of into dream like state in a world of my own.

Once i got to the age of 16 it was time for a change from solvents, which was when i got into going to raves and then it was e's and amphetimine for my drug of choice for the next 3 years. Between 16 and 19 i had no problems on daily basis but after one night i had been to an alnighter and took alot more than i would usually take and found myself feeling not quite back to normal the following week and as a daily pot smoker i would put the visuals i was getting down to the drugs still being in my system from the previous weekend, it was easy to dissmiss because the following weekend i would do the same again without realisng this was hiding the real problem.

when I was about 20 or 21 I guess i had grown out of this phase but was still a daily smoker and I couldnt understand why my vision wouldnt go back to normal cause i wasnt taking anything that i thought was hallucinogenic yet when i got stoned it was like i was tripping and my friends thuoght i was joking when i would tell them. The problems got so bad with my vision that I confided with my parents and they decided ishould go with my dad to go and see the doctor. The doctor that i saw wasnt my doctor infact she was just a locum and didnt seem like she wanted to know. After I had explained everything to her she explained to me and my father that permanent damaged was very unlikely and that Id be best to just give it time, besides which if she put down about my drug use on my medical history it could prevent me from getting a mortgage and other things, so i left her office the same way i entered and havent wanted to see a doctor about it since.

From the age of 21 till now I dialled down the drug use as i dont really take e's anymore probaly 20 in 10 years i Havent done acid in 10 years and rarely get drunk but until the last couple of months i had smoked pot daily as even though it made my vision bad being stoned kind of took my mind off it and i could get to sleep with no problems. Now that i have stopped smoking it ive started to realise how bad it is to have this permanent problems with my vision.

A couple of years ago i decided to get my eyes tested and it turned out that I had had a stigmatism in in both eyes so i decided to get laser eye surgery which sort of proved once and for all that what i had wrong with me was more than just bad vision as although i could now see things bolder and clearer i was still left with the problems i already had.

After reading some posts on here its seems as if alot of people on here have quite an understanding of hppd and its causes where as i have searched the internet on numerous occasions trying to see if there was any information on the permanent effects of hallucinating but never finding an answer until today.

The symptoms that i suffer from are just visual but that can cause other problems like keeping eye contact with people. I have light sensitivity and when im in dark room or at night struggle to focus, i also get what seems like an image burnt on to my eyes so that even when i close my eyes its still there which makes getting to sleep hard and when i wake up my eyes sting like i havent had enough sleep.

Its good to finally know that this isnt just happening to me and that this is an problem, Id just like to know if there is anything that can be done or taken to help settle the bad vision?

thanks for the info

stu...

[morbide]

Welcome to the forum!

So basically you suffer from after images and sore eyes? You've sure gotten away easy, or is that trippy feeling still there? Otherwise i wouldn't call it hppd actually...

There are a ton of threads regarding medicine, read up and discuss with your doctor about which treatment would fit you.

[2muchmandy]

Welcome man, I agree if thats all the effects you have mother fucka you got away relatively well sir!

After images the burn type images are called, theyr not nice but theyr adaptable to. Best thing to do by the sounds is stay sober and youl probably notice large improvements.

[morbide]

^^^ What Mandy said.

[stewy1980]

basically i couldnt go through everything ive been through in the last 10 to 15 years in full detail so i asume from reading what i wrote it doesnt sound like i have it too bad but its ruled the way i live for the past 10 years I havent had a relationship in all that time and its kicked the shit out of my confidence. sure i have better days than others but i wouldnt say i felt as though i had got away that lightly obviously i only have my own experiences to compare to so i have no idea how bad things can get for others. To be still seeing patterns and colours when i go to sleep at night is not normal 10 years after first experiencing it. Remember this has gone on for a long time and i never mentioned that since i stopped with hallucingenics things are better than than they were but if seeing patterns and colours isnt hppd then what else could it be, any ideas ? to me from what Ive read on the subject today seemed to fit with what I have been experiencing. I probably didnt explain my symptoms in enough detail im not really used to telling people about it and i kind of find it hard to explain what i see and feel but thanks for the imput guys it is much appreciated.

[2muchmandy]

no its not that its...most people here see colours and patterns 24/7 when theyr awake. like, its not just after images i mean alot of people have maybe 20-40 symptoms so its good that if the only visual things you have are closed eye patterns and after images. it may be hppd but mild visually by the sounds. myself for eg, i have visual snow 24-7, text moves and warps, everything that moves leaves a big blurry trail, after images, closed eye patterns, random flashes etc.

i would say not to worry about the visual things, just need to try and get your confidence back and restore your quality of life

[stewy1980]

like i said years ago it was a lot worse and when i first noticed the problem it happened when i was reading the paper and the words on the page started to change in front of me they became larger and appeared to move of the page towards me. At around this time i noticed when i was round at friends house he had this artex pattern on his ceiling and i couldnt even look at it because it was too hard to focus on, it was as if it was changing shape and this would happen with virtually anything with a pattern i looked at. but over time after cutting out the hallucinogenics it reduced so I assume i have experienced some of the things your experiencing. Now Im not smoking pot anymore my visuals are more apparent because im now seeing them but im no longer stoned as before it seemed like it was a trade off, in my head I'd accept the visuals as a side effect of being stoned but now all i have is the visuals but no high, I only hope in time they get better. but like i keep telling my self, if i stay sober they shouldnt get any worse. Thanks for the advice you seem wise beyond your years.

[2muchmandy]

Ahhh right sorry i misunderstood, i thought youd managed to do all that mad shit and end up with nothing but closed eye patterns and afterimages, i was thinking you are one lucky mother fucker. By the sounds of it youve already had alot of bad shit, which hopefully has gone or will go in time. Alot of the lads on here still drink or smoke or what not occasionally but i preach 100% sobriety, no coffee, no booze, no drugs. If you stay sober youl definately see improvements, I got my hppd when i was 18,....4 and a half months ago. Basically for a week i thought id gone insane, i was preparing to kill myself etc. however after a week i notived improvements, its been very much two steps forward, one back, visually things have disappeared, new things have arisen but mentally things are way way better, im almost 100% normal mentally now and i believe sobriety did that. Basically what im saying is i reckon staying healthy and sober will do you wonders like its done me, some wierd new shit may pop up but it will probably go away in time. Give it a good few months sober and see how things go, if your on the edge or simply not able to cope, then you can think about meds and see whats to be done. Wer all very friendly here and very glad to help others out, welcome

[ferret]

Welcome! At this point no medication effectively treats HPPD without side-effects and even the "succesful" treatments just hides the disease it doesn't get rid of it so I would avoid medication If I were you, ecspeacially since you made it so long without any. To give your self the best chance of recovery stay completely sober for a few months, see how you feel after that. I would highly recommend abandoning weed for life. Supplements like magnesium and omega-3 fatty acids could help you recover a little and valerian root could help you sleep if the closed eye visuals make it hard. Staying hydrated and exercising will also be helpful. Good Luck and make sure to let us know how you're doing.

[stewy1980]

thanks for the kind words ferret, I kind of guessed that there wasn't a medical cure for this from posts that I've read on here, just stuff to help with the DP/DR side of things which is something I have gotten over in time anyway Im now mainly left with the snowy visuals. When Im in natural light I find it almost unnoticeable but that all changes when Im in a darker environment that is when I start with the afterimages blurred vision and stinging eyes its just part of life for me now. Its weird but for 10 years or so I have had to tell people that I just have bad vision otherwise you end up having tell the sordid details of how you ended up like this but here everybody can relate to my story because they've lived there own version of it. A funny part of my tale is that whilst I had developed hppd I had aquired an astigmatism in both of my eyes which unknown to me was making my vision so much worse but because I thought I was sure it was down to the hppd I put off getting an eye test. Once I found out about the astigmatism I decided to get lasek eye surgery and it was probably the best decision Ive made cause it sorted my vision out by 50%, so for any long term suffers of hppd I would suggest an eye test because you never know the hppd might be only part of your visual problems, just a thought.