Puppeteer

doxx

doxx

Thought I'd pop in to let you guys know that my NSI has arrived! Today's my second day on it and something's definitely happening in my head... It's hard to describe, it's not an especially pleasant sensation, just different. I'm feeling a little more anxious than usual but I think that's due to having taken NAC, which I think I might stop for the moment.

I've only taken about 20mg each day so far, but I'm gonna cap some up for convenience and see how I go moving up to 20mg TID.

Wish me luck! I'll keep you guys posted.

Erm, I've finished the 5 grams I bought in December, so that's approximately 3 months at ~20mg TID. I wish I were able to describe my experience with it in depth, but my sensitivity to mild perceptual/cognitive changes is considerably lacking - I really ought to put more effort toward maintaining a diary, but the ebb and flow of motivation tends to restrict such pursuits. As mentioned above, I can attest to a subtle increase in happiness, a pleasant sensation of warmth, and reduction of anxiety immediately after dosing. Being off it I haven't noticed any lasting, noticeable improvement, unfortunately, but maybe a couple more months would've done it, who knows. I'm definitely not ruling out revisiting it in the future, once I've trialled NSI-189 and 7,8-DHF, but for now it's out of my stack.

I'd be really interested in hearing your take on it though! The negatives are very minimal and a more thorough and technical evaluation than mine would be very useful.

Hey man, if you're under 25 you should look into Headspace. They focus primarily on psychological services but will be able to point you in the direction of good, affordable psychiatrists/neurologists. Living near the BMRI I've been lucky enough to have gotten an MRI, EEG, sleep analysis, and extensive psychiatric consultion without paying a thing. None of it's really gotten me anywhere, but that's my brain's fault. If you're older they can probably still point you in the right direction, so they're probably still a better first resort than just asking your GP for a random referral. Good luck!

Uhh, any reason you wouldn't just go for a B-Complex? There's no reason to just take one, your body needs all the B-group vitamins. Mega-dosing of individual B's tends to be reserved for particular conditions, illnesses, to supplement deficiencies from certain medications or diets, etc. AFAIK. B12 is a very common deficiency and it's very difficult to get too much so get that at minimum. Make sure you get methylcobalamin though - most supplements contain cyanocobalamin which has very poor bioavailability.

I've always tended towards the more disheveled and disarrayed, and HPPD certainly hasn't done many any favours in that regard! Impaired organisational skills, lack of connection to the external world, general apathy/amotivation... Not sure exactly what the main factor is - probably a little of all of the above - but I really struggle to be as organised and fastidious as I'd like to be/used to be. I'll tend to let things get bad to the point that I can't stand them any longer, then do one big clean; lather, rinse, repeat. Crashing on some fairly dysfunctional relatives' couch at the moment - long story - so I don't really have my own space to keep in order.

Hey. Thanks so much for the thorough response! I love reading your posts but I feel very poorly equipped to respond to them effectively, haha.

Tianeptine definitely feels quite nice - distinct feelings of cosiness, warmth, being at-ease... Nothing groundbreaking, comedown kinda sucks but is easily avoidable... Really wish the worsening of aphasia symptoms weren't a thing, but it's subtle to the point that it's not a huge deal/possibly even just nocebo. I'm just afraid it might be contraindicated against uridine/CDP-choline, and I don't feel quite savvy enough to draw any conclusions from the reading I've been doing... Any insights? Ideally I'd like to experience the touted benefits of both - reversal of stress-induced hippocampal damage from tianeptine sounds pretty awesome, modulation and proliferation of dopamine receptors from uridine equally so - but I'm wary of the everything-but-the-kitchen-sink approach to this stuff.

Lions Mane I really can't say much about... It's been a few months now and it's certainly not doing me any harm, but my inability to accurately perceive subtle changes in state of mind coupled with memory impairment makes it hard to say if it's doing much good. Someone on Longecity suggested that blending it with hot water dramatically increased its effects for him and a few others so I'm thinking of giving that a shot... I'd like to have ALCAR in there as well to maximise NGF production/sensitivity, but I'm probably going to be using CDP-choline for the uridine stack and I'm afraid that might be a little too much cholinergic activity. I bought bulk powder from here: http://www.mushroomharvest.com/catalog/product_info.php?cPath=39&products_id=154 . And yeah, it's stuff like that that makes me incredibly skeptical about herbal supplements - so much ambiguity in endeavouring to attain relatively subtle benefits. I'm thinking once I've run out of Lion's Mane - still a few months off - I'll just ditch it completely. NSI-189, 7,8-DHF, etc. seem far more promising in providing the improvements I was hoping for from Lion's Mane.

I'm hugely intrigued by the growing popularity of laser/infrared light treatments! Really does sound like the stuff of science fiction. Haven't really looked into it much though, but the results sound incredibly promising! I just don't know that i can trust myself with properly assembling and administering it.

Certainly can't provide much input because your grasp of this stuff goes way beyond mine, but please do keep me posted!

Straya 2 m8

Well I'm very excited for you! Got my fingers crossed.

Incidentally, can I ask how your uridine trial went down exactly? Dosage, how long, did you use all the co-factors, etc. Mine just arrived today so I'll be starting with it tomorrow.

Sounds like a good plan! Do you mean 10mg a day? Will you stop at 40mg for a single dose?

I'm right there with you completely man. I'm such a songbird... Now the habit of singing aloud combined with having the snippets on repeat will have me around the house just singing out loud the one or two lines over and over... Pretty abnormal. Pretty embarrassing. It was the theme to "A Goofy Movie" earlier tonight after hearing it for the first time, ffs. "One way or another, together's where we both belong!"

I'm always caught between instrumental music and vocal music... Vocals are distracting and get stuck, but at the same time make it easier to focus on and remember the music, so I tend to gravitate more towards them, I suppose.

Keep us posted! Assuming you saw the post in the Longecity thread about adjusting the dose for the freebase form?

One of the most upsetting things about HPPD for me is how difficult I find it to enjoy music. The combination of anhedonia and fucked up memory make it incredibly tough to have a good time of listening to music. It just doesn't prompt the same intense emotional response it used to... it's just kind of there, and I can't think about it properly, can't remember the song that came before, can't properly juxtapose it with other music or the artist's other works, etc. It used to be one of my biggest hobbies; I'd have something playing whenever I was able to, was always looking for new stuff, etc. Now I rarely do because it's the most painful reminder of how much I've changed. Artists I love are releasing new stuff and I don't even wanna go anywhere near it

Yeah, I'm familiar with that study. A sample size of 1 doesn't doesn't really give me much faith in it. Also, presumably at the 4 month point she'd seen at least gradual remission of symptoms, rather than none at all... Pretty damn confident I'm just not a lamictal responder, unfortunately.

Congrats dude! I'm sure you don't need to be told this, but it's more important now than ever that you don't falter in abstaining from all drugs... Nothing like the feeling of "wow, I'm finally pulling out of this, I'm getting my life back" to put one in the mood to celebrate, haha.

Thought it might be interesting to share all the things we're taking currently in one place.

Multi

B Complex

5ml concentrated fish oil (~2g EPA, 1g DHA)

Vitamin D3, 1000IU

Zinc

Creatine, ~5g

Lions Mane, ~1g BID

Tianeptine ~20mg TID
 

Not too sure how well tianeptine's going; I've felt a little odd of late, possibly a little more lost for words. I think I'll probably give it a break and see if it changes. Probably a good idea in light of my upcoming uridine trial anyhow. Still waiting on NSI-189!

Well a susceptibility to HPPD certainly could be hereditary, but there's no solid proof of that being the case. There are a few anecdotal reports around from people who have one or more relatives who've also developed it, but correlation doesn't imply causation, as they say.

Stumbled upon this study on the administration of NAC and d-cycloserine ameliorating the effects of amphetamine (meth/MDMA) neurotoxicity.

http://scholarlyrepository.miami.edu/dissertations/2379/

Oh, hah! Silly me. 

How long did you try it for; Inositol/Ch Bitartrate + the NMDA agonism stuff? Cheers man let's hope it stays like this... Wishing you well, as always.

I think what is interesting with the NMDA agonism is that no worsening of symptoms were experienced by either of us. And I definitely experienced positives, which might have been from the cholinergic mechanism of Nefiracetam, but nonetheless.. no obvious negatives from NMDA agonism.

 

 

I agree with your first point. Well put. I have wondered that - if benzos hinder your brain fixing itself (or do they aid it in restoring the imbalances).

Regarding that study. That is the kind of thing to me that seems really promising for HPPD. 'Modulating emotional memory' sounds exactly like the kind of process that needs to take place. And this drug works in the amygdala, that excites me. "7,8-DHF enhanced both the acquisition of fear and its extinction". I read this as, 'giving your brain the emotional plasticity to recover from trauma'. This disorder is not confined to the visual system; it involves fear circuitry as well. I believe we should do anything we can to allow this to be manipulated, positively. This includes doing things that move you; being with close friends, listening to music, crying, whatever.. all these things, I find, help.

I haven't tried CDP-choline, hadn't really looked into it to be honest. It looks very promising at a glance. Have you tried it? Let me get back to you on that stack, I haven't looked into it.

My experience with HPPD; around the age of 17, four years ago, I began experimenting with various drugs: LSD, mushrooms, MDMA, mephedrone, ketamine, methoxetamine, the 2c's, amphetamines.. many more. I was particularly interested in the psychedelics. I only smoked weed a bit when I was younger and it didn't agree with me so was never really part of my life. I did have a few terrifying experiences on it though during this 'phase'. I probably had around 20-30 big acid trips, 10-20 shrooms and a good few of the rest. I did a hell of a lot, basically. I don't remember having one bad trip (except for a couple on weed, which was rare). At this time of my life I also was deeply depressed due to breaking up with my first love. It took me around 1-2 years to get over fully. One day - I noticed things were still moving. My friend told me about HPPD. It went around three weeks later. Did some more stuff. It came back. At the time I wasn't making good decisions.. anyway, one day, it stuck permanently. Came and went a bit. But then it became really bad and more permanent, more towards the age of 18 (three years ago), and I realised how much it was affecting my life. The last two years up until the last few months were horrible. I hardly went into uni, spent days sleeping; painful to be awake.. you know the story. Visually, I have visual snow, pulsing in the dark, floaters, CEV's (sometimes), I have experienced things pulse in size dramatically back at the worse times, also seen things turn into things like a school of fish swimming towards my face. Used to have trails. I am not sure what else might be relevant.. if you have any questions, let me know

Pretty sure I have read your experiences, but do send me a link. 

I'm yet to try CDP Choline, though I have purchased some. Should've been more thorough in my research before doing so though as I believe the primary reason it modulates dopamine and increases neuroreceptor densities is because it breaks down into uridine, which I have also ordered. I guess I can just use it as a somewhat-pricey choline source when I try the uridine stack though, so no harm done.

Thank you for sharing your quite-extensive experience! It's quite reassuring (for me at least) to hear of individuals whose drug use was as vast - or more so - than my own. It seems like the majority of cases here were due to a single LSD trip, after which the person immediately stopped using any drugs. Presumably those cases are a little more cut and dry than for those of us who tasted every colour of the rainbow, so to speak. That you're responding quite well to different things is also quite reassuring

Uhh... This is my rather lengthy, melodramatic introductory forum post, if you're interested.

It seems like it could be a beneficial thing to supplement all around, with few if any downsides (save being quite pricey). Feeling much less with it today than usual so I'll just let these extracts do the talking:

NYU Langone Medical Center:
"Phosphatidylserine, or PS for short, is a member of a class of chemical compounds known as phospholipids. PS is an essential component in all our cells; specifically, it is a major component of the cell membrane. The cell membrane is a kind of "skin" that surrounds living cells. Besides keeping cells intact, this membrane performs vital functions such as moving nutrients into cells and pumping waste products out of them. PS plays an important role in many of these functions.

Good evidence suggests that PS can help declining mental function and depression in the elderly, and it is widely used for this purpose in Italy, Scandinavia, and other parts of Europe. PS has also been marketed as a "brain booster" for people of all ages, said to sharpen memory and increase thinking ability. However, the evidence to support this use is incomplete and inconsistent."

http://www.med.nyu.edu/content?ChunkIID=21843

Examine.com

In otherwise healthy young adults given 400mg PS for 2 weeks, a significant improvement in processing speed (20%) and accuracy (13% more correct responses, 39% less wrong responses) is noted relative to placebo and independent of mood state.^[22]

Phosphatidylserine appears to promote attention and reduce symptoms of ADHD, and when the phosphatidylserine molecule contains the Fish Oil fatty acids then it may promote attention to an even greater degree 

Stress has been noted to be reduced with doses as low as 60mg in otherwise healthy men, although this study is confounded with the inclusion of Fish Oil (and stress was only significantly reduced at rest in high stressed persons);^[1] it has been replicated elsewhere with phosphatidylserine in isolation with 42 days supplementation of 200mg phosphatidylserine (as protein bar) where induced stresses were less than control (and associated with less beta-1 wave function in the right hemisphere).^[28] This same dose and supplementation vessel has been used in young golfers given 200mg phosphatidylserine for 42 days, where a 21.6% increase in drive accuracy (percentage of straight shots) was thought to be secondary to a stress reducing effect.^[29]

^{In other cognitive disease states, persons with Parkinson's disease given bovine cerebral phosphatidylserine note some degree of improvement on EEG parameters[41] and in general dementia 300mg of bovine cortex phosphatidylserine has noted some degree of benefit within 3 weeks of a 6 week trial[42] and has improved memory and depressive symptoms in persons suffering from geriatric depression.[43]}

PS supplementation has been implicated in increased spatial memory in aged rats at 50mg/kg (human equivalent of 8mg/kg or 550mg for a 150lb person)^[44] and has been noted at lower concentrations (5-20mg/kg) when injected into aged rats, where improvements in grooming and behaviour retention are noted.^[45]

Studies in non-aged rats (to establish a Nootropic effect rather than cognitive rehabilitative effect) using 50mg/kg bodyweight for 27 days was able to significantly enhance brightness discrimination (indicative of memory formation) without significantly affecting anxiety or depressive symptoms.^[46]

http://examine.com/supplements/Phosphatidylserine/

Wikipedia.org

First pilot studies indicate that PS supplementation might be beneficial for children with attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder.^[17][18]

A follow-up study backed up previous findings. The study found children supplementing with 200 mg PS per day for two months saw a significant improvement in ADHD symptoms.^[19]

^{en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phosphatidylserine}

Make sure to research and suss it out for yourself of course, as with anything there are some lukewarm opinions and studies around. I'll definitely be looking into this further though.

Can I ask what you differences you expect to see from d-cycloserine from your experience with sarcosine? Feeling exhausted and trying to work out why d-cycloserine is a better bet given their similar MOAs...

I bought an extract off eBay once and it didn't really do much for me. Since Cymbalta I don't really have the constant, painful anxiety anymore; now it's the anhedonia and generally feeling fucked up that really get to me. I don't know that Kava actively makes one feel good rather than just removing anxiety, so perhaps that's why it wasn't for me, if that makes sense. I tend to get even more anxious if something makes me feel even more disoriented/trippy than I do normally, so the intoxication side of it isn't something I'm too keen on either.

Then again, who knows. People say Kava's effects vary dramatically with different sources, so I might try to find a different supplier at some point. I was just looking into whether or not it interacts with Lamictal (which I should be off within a fortnight anyhow) and found this study likening its effects to those of anticonvulsant mood stabilisers, specifically Lamictal. Interesting!

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11642654

I've experienced these things to varying extents my whole life, but I'm pretty certain they've gotten worse since developing HPPD.

Without going into much detail, nail biting, picking at scabs and pimples, urges to tense certain parts of my body, knuckle cracking, music playing constantly in my head, etc.

It doesn't bother me a huge amount given that they're not new behaviours, just increased, but I'm doing my best to suppress them for fear of looking odd to others. Just figured I'd throw it out there to see if anyone else has experienced anything similar.

I'd probably be interested. There's something nice about having someone to talk to in real time who knows exactly what you're going through; everyone else I know is about 5000x more happy and functional than I am and it makes it very difficult to feel like you're on the same page about anything. Forum interaction is convenient but very detached; most things posted are to a general audience, deal specifically with HPPD and related issues, and are thoroughly filtered and edited. Makes it difficult to feel the warmth of human-to-human interaction and whatnot.

That said, I don't think having HPPD isn't quite enough for two people to get along... If anything it might make conflicting personalities clash even more! Guess we'll see how we go though, ha.

Feel free to add my Skype: rockuran. Maybe I'll finally have a reason to use it once in a while

Also, really sorry to hear that Alice . Can I ask to what extent you feel your symptoms had remissed, and which ones have flared back up? At any rate, it's nice to see an old face around here - if only it were under better circumstances.