It's like the functions that make my conciseness gets jammed by a butter knife and my brain skips and I'm not thinking when I should be for those moments, I think that's the disconnected feeling. Anxiety yeah especially for those moments when I spasm, only three flashbacks when the spasms happened. You know what I do like is when I'm walking around outside everything seems smaller and easier to comprehend, not as intimidating. I've looked online at other people's stories and man they deal with a lot more than me. This one girl said people's faces would get covered by light, that sounds terrifying. But yes light after effects (Affects?) more brightly now.
With the the gender stuff I might say things that are loosely accurate or "anecdotal".
I think when someone decides to be trans it's a mix of sexuality and hormone levels. As a bio male I feel non-binary because I don't have as much testosterone but also not as much estrogen levels because I'm male, so I'm in this "between state". Through puberty I didn't exercise, ate processed food/junk foods with photo-estrogens, stayed out of the sun, and masturbated everyday (thanks internet hentai). This all caused my manliness to be reduced and caused me to have a feminine face. The junk food did cause me to be obese which I'm out of at 178lbs. The leftover flab has caused man titties to stay around, sorta c cups i think, they're not feminine titties right now but I figure When I do HRT and when my skin tightens over time.... (Short break to say yes a gemini trans is talking a shit ton about themselves it's nature.)
Considering all of this I could do HRT to be more masculine I think a lot of people do that if they want to be closer to their bio gender. As traditionally a homosexual male and untraditionally being Non-binary being fully female in hormone levels sounds like the best option for me. What I've noticed is for men, too much of mom equals gay. For females, too much of dad equals to lesbian. I was around my sisters and mom a lot and I was missing a proper male role model. This causes me to reach for male attention romantically and sexually.
It's been some time since OP and I'm going through with it after I lose more weight my goal is 150lbs, which would be the most optimal BMI for me. The way I see it is females that are born female and have HPPD deal with it so I can too. I'll report if it makes a difference if any. Thanks for listening.