Monkey_magic

Ach, he's only 9. Wee while to go yet. I can see he's got it in him, he can be a bit panicky at times and a sensitive wee soul. And I wonder if it's something I've passed on. He'd be the type To get hppd on his first experimentation. Yeah, my dad took drugs in his youth and he sat me down at 17 and said I shouldn't touch man made drugs and if I had to touch anything it should just be weed and mushies lol. I had already took acid and speed by that point. Wish I had listened, specially about E. your right about learning the hard way.

I used to smoke weed right up till the day I got hppd. In the next 6 months when I didn't know what the hell was going on I tried a few times to have a smoke with mates and it made me feel 10 times worse. Just fed my paranoia and anxiety to the max. I've pretty much stayed away from it since apart from times where I've been drunk or on benzos as a buffer and even then it's been at times when my symptoms haven't been as pronounced. Personally for me weed is bad for my hppd in every aspect but everybody reacts differently to different things. Drink calms it at the time but I overindulge by nature and overindulging on a depressant when your depressed probably isn't in your best interests either. If you can drink in moderation then I don't see how that can do any lasting damage to or worsening of your symptoms. Just keep hydrated.

Yeah, it's got a bad rep for obvious reasons (one flew over the cookoos nest?!). But I think it resets the brain in some cases and increases GABA. Worst case scenario type shit.

Yeah for sure man. Kids dont do what theyre told though do they? They rebel if theyre just told NO. Best bet is to wait till hes 13, 14 (curious age) and lay it out on the table. This is what can happen, and im a prime example. Yeah, the outlook and enthusiasm for life kids have really makes you realise things aint as bad as they might seem. at the end of the day, visually i may be fucked but i can still see. Every cloud has a silver lining (and not one covered in vs lol).

I wish you could just pee into a test tube and it told you what was up mentally. Scientists should get their finger out.

I've had two kids while I've had hppd (well, not me personally but my respective girlfriends at the time), and I worry about if I've passed a dodgy gene that's susceptible to hppd and if it would effect him without even touching drugs. My boy takes after me and while he is a very sensitive type and a bit on the hyperactive side he's normal enough lol. I don't know if it would be different in the mothers case if she had hppd but I think it would be the same. The kid would just be genetically predisposed to hppd more so than usual if they took the trigger drugs. You'd just have to hope they have the sense to not go there in the first place.

I suppose it's just your luck whether it works well for you or not then. If you throw enough mud at something, something's gotta stick. What were your side effects gill? A psych won't give someone Keppra if they have a history of depression anyway will they?

Hey visual. How would one know whether they're low in dopamine as opposed to serotonin? Is there telltale signs or just a case of try Wellbutrin or the like and if your ok it must be extra dopamine you need?

Yeah, generally pupils should dilate in the dark and vasolate in light conditions. I suppose as everyone's hppd has individual attributes so does each different eye mechanisms to mirror the neuronal changes. My right pupil has been larger than the left for the last three or four days, and today I felt a wee change in my brain and sure enough my left pupil had swapped round and is bigger now. A pupil dilating with breathing could be a cool party trick though.

Haha. Nice picture.

Depression is just linked undoubtedly to the rest of it. It comes in waves and il go into a black mood for 10-20 minutes, and at the same time my dp/dr pop along for the ride and worsen so they all seem to piggy back on each other. And my visuals get worse too. Then it will lessen off a bit and il on average have about 4 or 5 of these mini episodes a day. (at the moment, the last 6 months things are getting steadily worse). This happened before years ago and I broke down, had a year of hppd madness and then it 'died down', almost as if the electrical over activity just worked its way down if not to normality then to a base level and then slowly starts building again over years till now. Which is why I wonder if I just got ect, reset my brain and get it over and done with lol.

I've taken acid on about 20 different occasions give or take. And mushrooms 10 or so times. But as a teenager, im 36 now. Some dodgyish trips in there and i did suffer mild dp/dr before full blown hppd but I credit ecstasy use as the catalyst. A few times before I woke up with the condition, I had taken E and felt like my brain was going to split right down the middle. Yet I still done it again a week later. Ah, the folly of youth.

I've been on pzac for 15 years after gettin hppd. It initially worked well for me and just 'fitted' right. (at the time).It took away the depression and dp/dr well, and because my anxiety was down my visuals even went down a fair bit, just kinda lingering in the background. My cognition and ability to focus we're still off though but I was happy enough with the things that had improved. Then my girlfriend got pregnant had my boy, and the stress and lack of sleep (and me self medicating on alcohol and benzos) brought back the hppd with a vengeance. The prozacs never felt as effective since. But I still feel it 'keeps the wolf from the door' so to speak. I'd rather try Keppra as it supposedly improves cognition which is a big thing for me.

hppd symptoms.: vs, static (same thing innit), blurred vision, Slight trails, afterimages. Vertigo. Feeling of static things moving as if I was just off a merry go round, and if I look at pictures that are in a frame I get the feeling or expect them to move and talk like the pictures in Harry potter. That's a weird one.

this is me n ma boy trying stuff on in a shop. hes one of the few things keep me going at times. if he ever even thinks about drugs il boot his arse lol.

I don't know if I should post this on this forum or the pharmaceutical one but hey. Just got a few questions to ask those that have more knowledge of hppd than me (just about everybody I reckon). Any forthcoming answers would be great. And in as laymans terms as possible lol.

I like the sound of this Keppra as I've tried loads a stuff to no avail. Especially on the old sharpness and cognition front (to actually be able to hone in on something and focus...sigh).so my queries are these.

1. Theoretically how does Keppra help hppd?

2. What to you take (if anything) in conjunction with it to help its effects or is it ok just to take itself?

3. Can you take ssris with keppra because depression has always been pretty much a big part of my hppd and I'm taking an ssri at the moment and scared to come off it incase the black dog takes a chunk out my leg.

4. If sinemet is another drug that helps a fair percentage of hppdrs can you take Keppra and Sinemet in a spreading your bets type thing or is that a stupid question?

5. How does GABA effect hppd?

6. Off subject but does ECT effect hppd severity and would it help it? (I must be desperate).

That'll do for now lol. Muchos obliged to anyone that bothers to reply. Cheers.

Kev

P.s come on Andy Murray!

I'm the same. When my anxiety dp/dr flares up they look worse, and that in itself can bring another attack on. My psych wants to put me on pregabalin. Is that much the same as gabapentin?

When everyone else got their hppd did anyone find out their pupils were different sizes to each other sometimes? Mines was (and still are). Not massively different but enough for me to notice. But they react fine to light getting shined in them, they constrict and stuff. It's always annoyed me though. Just wondering if anyone else got this and what it might mean.

I take a natural supplement called macuna-dopa. Is that nothing like sinemet?

Same as my story mate. I started on drugs at 15/16 of the 'recreational variety' and it got to a point where I just lost it at 20 and got hppd and all the stuff you mentioned.I've always been a. It overboard and obsessive about things too, but also very introspective and I stupidly liked the idea of altering your consciousness in a narcotic sense. When your young you think you'll bounce back from anything.

I'm 36 now so all the salvia and methodrone busllshit wasnt around back then but I done weed, acid, shrooms, and speed and Es (I blame the Es for the hppd in general). I was put on Prozac about 8 months into my hppd hellhole and it gave me some of my life back. But since I had a kid and the stress of it all when I was 29 things got bad again but I just sat tight and came through it although the Prozac has never worked as well since and I'm looking for something better. There's people on here that really know your stuff and will help you out more than i can but it seems to me if things are slowly getting better that has to be a positive thing. Slowlys better than not at all eh.

Just keep plugging away mate. You've done the right thing getting off any drugs (as if you had a choice). Healthy livings the new rock n roll.

I deffo also think the drug that brought on the hppd plays a big part of what symptoms tend to be worse than others in different people. Like I say I'm pretty sure that while I had taken decent amounts of acid and mushrooms (with the occasional dodgy trip in there) it was E that hammered the nails in and done 80% of the damage. at a point where I was so stressed and sleep deprived there was only gonna be one outcome in the neuron department. So while my visuals are well dodgy I could easily live with them if my anxiety and depression were lifted. Even a 10% improvement in the visuals would be amazing just now. One thing that has got slightly better on its own (touch wood) is the wee squiggly sperm things. I used to have hundreds of them at the start all flowing in their wee patterns but they've died down a fair bit.

Not heard of lamictal yet mate. There's definitely a hefty link between my hppd and migraine/epilepsy for sure. At the moment I'm a walking migraine symptom lol. I really want a detailed brain scan just to rule out shit or indeed confirm shit but my doc n psych think I'm a big enough hypochondriac as it is. Keppra seems to be the main talking point here though eh. Although my psych wants to try me on LYrica. What's the difference between Lyrica and Keppra? And why do you get ' the rage' with Keppra supposedly and not lyrica. I just want a decent drug for everything that doesn't fire the weight on me and allows me to have a sex drive and decent energy levels. Maybe asking too much. I don't care if I get in a rage or aggressive as a side effect. I can count to ten with the best of them.

I like to think I'm as bright as the next person but all these terms I read here with the synapses, upregulators, agonists n antogonists, GABA etc, while its pretty interesting half of it goes right over my head. Although I've learnt more in the last 6 months than I have the 15 years before it. Once upon a time Prozac worked well for me, every symptom showed a marked improvement (wouldn't have been hard though I was that bad). I still had bouts of anxiety and visuals but at the start I could see walls as walls so I have hope that another drug can work as well and If I find it I won't make the same mistakes I've made in the past. Il be like a goddamn monk.

Yeah. When I first got hppd at 20 I lost all the mates I grew up with because I just wasn't the guy they knew for a long time. But there's always new pals round the corner and one bonus of hppd is it let's you see things in a way that no-one else really does. I.e you can see the bigger picture more automatically.

Yeah. I'm in the gym all the time but that brings its own problems cos when you overdo it it revs your adrenaline up and the free radicals just make you worse. Ive always took things too far in everything I do. Which is crap cos hppd makes you ten times more fragile and sensitive to things than normal. I play 7 a sides once a week which is good but also not cos half the time you don't do yourself justice. Especially if your hppds playing up and you can't judge distances n stuff. Luckily I was pretty good pre-hppd so I still play at a decent level even if I'm 30% of what I could be. I don't drive cos I've never had the cognitive function for it and depth perceptions shot. I was thinking about meditation and yoga, but I mentioned it yesterday and my pals burst out laughing. (they don't know I've got hppd, I've told some of them I've got psychological problems but most of them are in there early 20s and you know what guys are like).

But the fact I've actually discovered hppd as a disorder exists and Im not on my todd is a bonus. Knowledge is power n all that, so anything I can bring on board to help my hppd is good likes.

Hey man. I'm in Stirling, born and bred. Aye, I doubt there's many Scottish hppdrs out there. Il deffo give you a shout.

Nah, the trammies didnt help my visuals but it lifts your mood to the point where you don't really bother about them. There's a bit of a crash though and it can make me a bit irritable on the flipside. I read they work on serotonin levels and stuff so I'm probably better staying away from things like that while I'm on Prozac. I just thought they were a typical painkiller a la hydrocodeine or whatever. The doc gave me 28 .5mg klonopins for the first time 3 weeks ago cos I read they worked well for hppd. She said 'use sparingly', I had took them all within ten days. Whoops. It did do ok though, it's the same benzo effect without the slowing down and dumbness of Valium n the like.

Yeah, I do try to stay away from drink and can go weeks and months without one but in this society it's not the easiest thing in the world if your pals are all bevvying and I want to appear 'normal'. Hangovers are terrible though and anxiety and visuals are much worsened for days afterwards. And depression too.i think I need ttotal pals but you dont get many of them about here. Plus if I'm in the pub and feel anxious I just ant stop myself. I can just get away with it and no more having a big bevvy over one night. Two nights and that's me done for weeks.

So what brought you here man?

I have smoked weed since d-day (or at least hppd day lol) and I find that it big time increases anxiety/dr and visuals especially just by itself. So I've tried to be drunk before having a smoke (why?). I would never even think about looking at acid or mushrooms etc now because if I did I know there would not be a 'me' left. I've done myself enough damage in a hallucinatory sense lol. I just want to find a decent drug/drugs that reduce things by even 20% and change my lifestyle big time. Ive had it long enough to realise im gonna be on some kinda drug for the rest of my days n i dont mind that. I've always exercised loads, but my diets never been that good till the last year or two. I do drink a lot of energy juice and take in a lot of caffeine which i need to stop. Sleeps a major problem and has been for years now. I wake up about 4/5 times a night for 5 mins or so and never really hit a deep sleep which is annoying. If there's a sliding scale for hppd in the 1-10 range a la the richter scale I dunno where I'd be exactly but I reckon it'd be in the top half easily.

Hi jay. Cheers for the reply Erm...god. Hard one that to choose what's the worst out of a whole bad bunch. When things get bad then every single one of them intensifies to the absolute max! I have to say though I get these 'anxiety attacks' that just blow my head off. I'd compare them more to a mini seizure than an anxiety attack. But a mini-seizure that's every bad feeling/emotion I've ever had times 1,000 condensed into the 3-5 seconds or so the attack lasts. That's the ultimate worst, and when it's been at its worst they hit me every 5 - 10 minutes of the day. But they are linked in big time to the dp/dr.

In hindsight even a year or two before I got full blown hppd with the visuals etc I suffered from depersonalisation and lack of ego. And the occasional bout of dr. But the dr really came into play with the hppd. The dp and depression was there for a while before the hppd just nowhere near the extent it was to become. But yeah the depression (at the moment) is a major factor. I'm on 40mg of Prozac a day, had come off it for three months there to try Zoloft, but apart from a bit sharper vision I didn't like the side effects, even a less effective Prozac seems better so I've been back on that for a week. I talked my psych into letting me try cymbalta and I had one tablet and nearly lost the plot. At the moment my brain is just full of excited neurons and adrenaline/stress so popping a snri that locks in adrenaline was not a good idea. Its as if in general my brains like a greenhouse. It can let stress in but it can't let it out until it just can't keep a lid on it and I go bonkers and have a breakdown. Seems to be a pattern emerging.

I do drink alcohol but I've never smoked. Well, the odd cigarette when I'm drunk. I tend to binge drink and black out. I'm a terrible drunk when i black out but sometimes it seems the easiest thing to do. I've always been my own worst enemy but I really want to sort myself out. Before I found out about hppd I used to have benders on Valium and occasionally Temazepam (with drink) because I knew I felt a lot better on those drugs as it took away the anxiety and visuals. Just buying it off dealers though, not through docs. I'm a stupid dick though cos some of my mates pop tramadol for a buzz and in the past year or two I've indulged a bit in those. Not habitually but if it's offered. I dunno how much this has hindered me.

Hey guys am I glad to find this site? I'm a 36 year old guy and I developed hppd when I was a couple of months away from my 21st birthday. The thing is I just discovered hppd was an actual thing and other people suffered from it in the last six months. From say 16 till my hppd hit me at 20 I took a fair amount of LSD, mushrooms, weed etc, you get the picture. Although I credit MDMA as the actual drug that done the real damage in the last 3 or 4 months till one day after an E tablet I woke up with full blown hppd. (visuals, severe dp/dr, depression) .It has differed in intensity over the years, I was put on Prozac 8 months after I first got it and I responded well not knowing what the hell was wrong with me, just that mentally I was far from 'normal'. With the Ssri and exercise I had it if not on the ropes then pushed back a fair bit. Allthough i was far from 100% life was bearable. Years later it caught up with me again though after a build up of stress and various other things, although I dunno if it was that or just the Prozac 'pooping out' on me as I've heard.

I've recently got a psychiatrist because I've been really struggling and feeling the symptoms are again growing to the point of a nervous (system) breakdown. It happened to me at 29 that things progressed so much that my brain had a hppd 'storm' that lasted a good year and then it seemed to die down and I felt better again. Anyway this psychiatrist while not buying too much into the whole hppd phenomenon is slightly more receptive to different drug treatments as long as it benefits me and isn't too bad on the old side effect front. She has suggested Pregabalin/LYrica as something that might benefit me in the anti-anxiety/visuals sense. When I asked her about Keppra she mentioned the whole 'Keppra rage' thing and she wouldn't want to prescribe me that because of those reasons. As they are both anti-convulsive drugs is there that much a difference? or should I go back and persuade her to try me on Keppra when it seems to work really well on a number of people on this site. The brain fog and far below par cognitive issues is something that really bothers me at the moment. Anything I can take to alleviate this would be great.

Anyway like I said I'm glad to have found this site. kev.