shaolinbomber

Alright, let's calm it all back down.

 

Puppeteer is new to the site, and i thought the tone of Hope1 was out of order and somewhat bullying.... maybe my reply was too, so i apologise.

 

None of us have a scale to say who has the worst symptoms... Maybe Puppeteer has it terribly, but has found a method to grasp a little happiness. I thought it was a very interesting topic that should be explored, not shot down.

 

The majority of us are here because we liked to trip. I've certainly had a few moments, with hppd, that i've experienced the positive, trippy thought patterns that i enjoyed so much, all those years ago. Of course, the negative trippy thought patterns also ruined the majority of my life.

 

I remember when i took my first Klonopin.... This was 14 years after i got hppd, my entire adult life.... My vision, dp/dr and anxiety were minimized so much that i actually freaked out and hated it, i even went and got a joint off someone so i could "feel normal" again. That's how fucked up this illness can be, remember there are many, many shades to it.

This is true? That's very odd. I was and still am the exact opposite though I've now learned how to control cravings for certain substances that bring me way down and feel more normal again.

If I take it with little to no tolerance it helps a lot. I almost feel normal again. But then the tolerance rears its head and it becomes almost useless.

Working 2 jobs....work outs....wishing that HPPD never entered my life.

just about everything on the HPPD visual spectrum. The worst for me i'd say it the visual snow.

Man I turned to pain pills and eventually heroin to just blackout my reality becuase I didnt want to deal with any of it but please don't do this. im now clean from all that crap and the methadone and I only take klonopin as needed now when things get a little too hairy for me to handel.

But exercise is a healthy hobby to take up. Mainly freeweghts and competitive sports (basketball is what I play). Also take up interest in intellectual studies about subjects you might be interested in. Indulge yourself in ideas that stimulate your thinking and that in itself can be good therapy for this awful disorder.

Here is a good bit of poetry i've memorized that has kept me motivated to stay straight and try to continue on with life with this HPPD:

"Cattle die and kinsmen die

And so must oneself die

But there is one thing I know which never dies

And that is the fame of a dead man's deeds."

It's obviously from older poetry but it is dead on accurate.

I'm fairly suer now that there is no pill out currently that can reverse any of this disorder. I just had a very deep emotional coversation with my dad about my past drug addiction and why i plunged so deep into a criminal life was because I was being a little bitch and didn't want to deal with this. Now that i've come out of that fog I'd like to start helping again with the research on the site and will devote what time I have that is free to try and come up with something. I'll start to post theoretical threads again and please feel free to chime in and give me thoughts and opinions because God knows i'm not anywhere near an expert about these things Ie. neurophsiology and the likes.

BRAIN SURGERY!? SIGN ME UP!

If i dropped enough xanax before i think i could get up on that operating table no problem. We can film it and thenyou guys can view the video to see if i die or not.

I would be in favor of a videocam brainstorm session. Instead of messaging back and forth on a website it would be a lot faster to hear ideas, theoroums suggestions, etc. on a webcam. The only problem is who is going to have the initiative to organize it?

I've been buying Xanax 4 bars off the street recently and i try to manage my use to 1 bar a day bit i usually end up taking another half towards the end of the day since the half life of alprazolam is so short.

Other than that I see no reason to abuse them. Taking a bunch of em just knocks you out. no euphoria. its a waste imo.

Burn in righteous fire.

Lol. +1 to this post.

yeah definitely especially at night...if i leave my eyes open for too long all the silhouettes i see become black and then start waving around, hard to explain, or if i stare at the lines on concrete for two long the tiles seem to become one large mass of white

Afterimages my friend.

It's crazy that so many other members here get negative effects from opiates but I felyet im very catious with my use.

I bet it has domrthing fo

i'm not sure what I was trying to say here. I probably nodded out on the keyboard.

But ya anyway I'm surprised so many people feel negative effects from opiates in correlation with their HPPD. I'm hooked on them now because they made me feel so much better at first.

Ya...Trazadone sucks balls. Don't use it. If a doctor suggests tell him you want to stay 20 feet away from it.

I've had shrapnel blow through my neck during a ToD in Afghanistan. We were based out of Kandahar Airfield(CFB) and were patrolling when a APM-IED went off. The only people caught in the blast were 3 Afghan nationals and 2 of us Canadian Soldiers. By all the luck in the world, we were all fine. except for the fact that i took a piece of shrapnel through the neck which flew only 2cm past my jugular, which would have killed me if it hit since med-vac was at least 20 minutes away.

I began to beleive strongly in God that day.

It was religious. For sure.

I can kinda relate. Last weekend on the way home from work I rolled my car 3 times on the highway going about 65 cause i fell asleep at the wheel (Don't do Methadone and Xanax kids). After I came out of that with only a cut on my left ear and 2 stitches on my left temporal lobe I kinda have become a little more spiritual about life. I should be dead right now because of that but i'm not.

I have an appointment with my old doctor a week from this Friday and I will mention Keppra (ive been on it before) and Flunarizine. I'm bright with explaining things to people who can't seem to understand it on their own and that's the problem with most doctors so I've been able to get my GP to come around.

I'm probably going to ask to go back on Klonopin at .25mg and slowly go up again.

I will post back here when I regain access to the meds again.

Did you get prescribed Buperinorphine for HPPD? Or did you take it for something else and noticed benefits?

I was prescribed bupe for opiate addiction maintenance and it worked for awhile with symptom reduction and DP/Dr reduction. But ofcourse with all meds tolerance builds and you have to tkae more and more and buperenorpine is not a drug you want to do this with so i switched to Methadone which isn;t much bettero f an option but it lasts a lot longer, its a full agonist and it gets the job done much better than bupe. If you're realy interested in trying these then give me a pm and i can walk you through the process of getting them through, unfortunately, manipulating the doctor and at some parts straight up lying to them.

Good advice so far. Sometimes this condition will get the best of you and there isn't much you can do about it except know that you'll move past it sooner or later.

I tried it for about 2 days and gave them away. They worked for sleep issues and that was about it.

Please explain what you are posting.

I am still strongly leaning towards specifically located cellular over stimulation and apoptosis. Mg actually posted that hallucinogens may be active by increase glutamate in specific sites in the brain, this leads to furthre proof that this is the possible case, as excessive glutamate release cause neuronal death/apoptosis.

It seems to be very clear.

This information may seem very disguraging to some of you and you may think that thats the end of the line and want to hope that its some chemical imbalance, Dont! The case is that we actually have neurogenesis in our hippocampus and songbirds also have the quality of neurogenesis.

Nuerogenesis IS possible.

This was the same conclusion i came to when I stopped researching the possible outcomes that may be causing the problems. I also discussed this with David and he seemed to think that there were ways to reverse this type of thing or at the very least calm it down enough so that it's not a major issue like it is without treatment.

This is strange. The majority of people with DP/DR say that opiates help make them feel normal again, including myself.

Even though l-tryptophan is an amino and thus 'safe', and even though it is a pre-pre-cursor for serotonin, that doesn't mean it gets you where you want.

Tryptophan makes Kynurenic acid which has neuroactive properties [ http://en.wikipedia..../Kynurenic_acid ]. Of itself, Kynurenic acid is not evil ... but it is inflammatory. During stress, more tryptophan is directed to Kynuretic acid, so you get less serotonin. This is what the famous 1969 paper called The Serotonin Hypothesis was about, not so much serotonin and depression as kynurenic acid and depression [ although this paper became the catalyst for developing SSRIs ] http://www.ncbi.nlm....les/PMC3021918/

So, in the end, start low and see how it goes. Nothing to be afraid of ... but if you suffer chronic stress/anxiety (which is common with HPPD), be particularly observant.

So typical, at first it helps, then the brain counteradjusts, then it doesn't help. Now that you have stopped, are you noticing changes are is it just going back to pre-5-HTP?

While negative afterimages improved, what were these new (returned) visual symptoms?

The main one I noticed was when i Look at a light source and then look away I get this effect where mulitcolored dots will kind of "explode" like a firework or I used ana analogy before to explain this onw where its like using micorsoft paint and using the spray paint in a large area of effect. it looks like that except the multicolored dtos are sparkling. It only lasts a second or two though.

UPDATE

Unfortunately the 5-htp while initially helping my negative aferimages and basically reverting them back to a normal visual response, has turned on me and ahs brought a few visuals that had faded so I am stopping the 5-htp trial.

This makes me curious. I wonder if, since I hadn;t taken anything in a long time that really affects the serotonin system a lot that the 5-htp, AT FIRST, made a positive impression on the receptors that had been affected by the MDMA causing HPPD and after MAYBE after they had been reactivated again with HPPD sensitivity they started the over activity with the 5-htp causing it.

Thought on the matter please. I'd like to talk a little more about this if anyone is interested.

So I decided to give 5-HTP another go to see if it would help my mood and it has surprisingly helped my visuals quite a bit.

I had been taking it for about a week before the last time I used MDMA that gave me HPPD so I figured if it had something to do with the drug having an adverse effect that it might be able to sort something out.

I can for sure say that the 5HTP has reduced my afterimages by A LOT!. I forgot the way lights used to fade after looking at them before Sunday night this past week. It's like you look at them and close your eyes and the image lingers for a very small split second and then fades. With HPPD it will stay there for atleast 1 minute, but usually longer for me.

I will continue to look at my visuals and see what else, if any, continue to get better.

Yeah, im scared of like shattering my leg and having to make the choice between morphine and the possible return/worsening of hppd or dealing with the pain and the possible return/worsening of hppd due to the stress

Actually Morphine would probably help your DP/DR and visuals.

I find Valium doesn't do anything for me most I've taken in one hit was only 4mg all it did

Was give me a dry mouth I need something stronger

take 60mg of valium at once and you will be fucked up.

By the way not actually saying do it. You know what i mean.