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I feel… less crazy


Olliepup
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so… from the beginning. My husband and I were introduced to sass, then molly, skull, and finally acid (lsd) we took it every two weeks on the dot for about two years. Everything was ok until new years 2020… after such a bad year I thought it couldn’t get any worse… oh was I wrong. We took acid like we had before, this time I had decided to smoke as well and we’ll. It send put me spiraling into a very bad trip. I felt stuck in my body and the only thing that could pull me back was hitting my head on floors, walls and sitting on a boiling hot shower. Eventually someone Brit me molly and it brought me down enough to be ok. I only had one hit, but I was tripping for days. After that months go buy, I feel out if it. Things still move, I’m tired all the time, my vision was blurry and colorful sometimes, I was afraid of everything and didn’t even want to leave the house and I felt like I was tripping all the time. Everyone told me I was being dramatic and just to get over it. I stopped telling anyone about it until it started getting unbearable when I was on my period especially. I made several dr appointments, after telling them that everything got worse after the drugs they basically told me it was in my head and that I needed therapy. I tried for a while to get it, but my insurance was messed up so no luck. After accepting that I would never really know what was wrong I gained a friend group that made me feel better to a point, but there was always this lingering fear of “am i dieing? Is there something wrong with me? I can’t just feel like this for no reason. today a friend of mine literally changed my life. He told me about hppd and after some research it all clicked… it’s like a weight lifted off of my shoulders.

(The more cinematic story) 

Ever since new year’s I’ve been falling deeper and deeper into this tunnel I thought I’d never get out of. I tried scratching my way out and I fell for a long time… deeper and deeper I wanted so bad to give up. I felt like there was only one way out and it was forever. I was able to blindly pull myself up a little, hanging onto every good moment I could, collecting pennies and slowly crawling back to the top. For almost 9 months now I have been in a state of constant destress, and today… today I was told about hppd and it changed me. It told me that… I’m not alone, I’m not crazy… and while my decisions will forever alter my vision and mental status, there is a light at the end of this tunnel. There is an end, it’s not perfect, but it is happy and it is possible to get back to feeling human again. I don’t have to take any meds for it and if I stick to it and keep moving forward. those small steps ive been taking now look like huge leaps. Ive made so much progress since that day with so much support from my husband. I’m starting therapy tomorrow and I’m so afraid, but I know it will help and honestly I’m ready for a change. I’m still so afraid of life right now, but I’m getting better and that’s all I needed to know…. It’s getting better. One penny at a time.Ever since new year’s I’ve been falling deeper and deeper into this tunnel I thought I’d never get out of. I tried scratching my way out and I fell for a long time… deeper and deeper I wanted so bad to give up. I felt like there was only one way out and it was forever. I was able to blindly pull myself up a little, hanging onto every good moment I could, collecting pennies and slowly crawling back to the top. For almost 9 months now I have been in a state of constant destress, and today… today I was told about hppd and it changed me. It told me that… I’m not alone, I’m not crazy… and while my decisions will forever alter my vision and mental status, there is a light at the end of this tunnel. There is an end, it’s not perfect, but it is happy and it is possible to get back to feeling human again. I don’t have to take any meds for it and if I stick to it and keep moving forward. those small steps ive been taking now look like huge leaps. Ive made so much progress since that day with so much support from my husband. I’m starting therapy tomorrow and I’m so afraid, but I know it will help and honestly I’m ready for a change. I’m still so afraid of life right now, but I’m getting better and that’s all I needed to know…. It’s getting better. One penny at a time. 

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