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HPPD or anxiety induced DPDR


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Hello everyone, i'm gonna start by saying that my main ''issue'' is the mental side of the problem, i used to smoke weed pretty much once a week for the past 3 years (currently 22) and had the brillant idea to take 4-ho-ept, in a sub-normal dose which actually didn't make me have visuals or anything crazy if not some mild distortion and in the whole, a first 50% bad trip with the usual ''i'm becoming crazy'' without letting it go and the last 50% kinda enjoyable with some positive results in the end. Honestly after that night i didn't pay much attention and for at least a week i didn't have any sort of distortions or what so ever, only a general feeling that i should've not done that. About 10 days after woke up at 4am with a relatively similiar headspace/flashback which made me freak out for a couple of hours (until a sleeping pill calmed me and put me asleep again). From that moment, had no visual issues or any abnormal thinkings, only a ''that was a flashback and that's it'' but the anxiety slowly crept it and with that, a very slight sense of detachment from reality+ocd about visual problems (i was aware hppd was an issue so i was actively looking for the ''usual symptoms'') and in general, negative toughts about it. After some more days, pretty much 3/4 weeks from that half bad trip i started noticing bfep in the sky which made my anxiety skyrocket which in turn, did nothing if not worsening my perception about them. At this point, got clonazepam prescibed which worked fine with a dose between 0.5 to 1mg per day, after 2 months of it i decided to stop it because i tought it was not necessary anymore. During this whole time i was smoking week pretty much once every 10 days or such, slow dose and tbh didn't see ANY worsening of it. The real challenge started when my ears started screaming (tinnitus) on one day after arguing with a person about some stupid stuff, anxiety skyrocked again because i was pretty damn sure it was linked to my trip and that was only the trigger: turned out i had an otitis media with effusion and had it healed in about 2 weeks but tinnitus, even if much lower than at that time, persisted until today (in general it got much better, sometimes i don't notice it but can still hear it very clearly in a quiet room). After the initial tinnitus trigger the anxiety was damn overwhelming and started noticing floaters: the more i was staring at the sky, driving with the sun or even squinting my eyes on a light source i could see a cluster of them, absolutely no deformations/melting things and such, only floaters, tinnitus, some kind of visual snow (which i always had so.. shouldn't even point it out) and the damn dpdr..). In the last 15 days i was doing GREAT, i started thinking the opposite (it was the anxiety dpdr which induced the visual abornmalities and tinnitus, not vice versa since dpdr condition got pretty much all the visuals overlapping with HPPD), with sport and keeping myself busy all the visual issues disappeared completely alongside with about 90% of dpdr until... 3 days ago: pretty much the same panic attack/flashback in the middle of the night, grabbed 0.5mg of clonazepam and went back to sleep (i already knew what was up with that, since i was getting much better i stopped every medication except of propranolol for psychogeninc tremors, luckily had some rivotril laying in the cabinet). Last days have been kinda rough, a general feeling of depression, the visual issues alongside with dpdr are coming back full speed and i don't know if it is hppd or just dpdr induced by the EXTREME anxiety i passed meanwhile. With visual issues i had increased bfep, floaters (greatly diminished when anxiety and dpdr were not there), starbust/halos around lights (before 3 days ago i had nothing if not these two, and even so i had them veeeery mild), depending on the way i was looking at screens/monitors ghosting, and some palinopsia (only in the dark and while watching a bright screen such as the phone, i can see it leaving a trail behind but nothing crazy) and well... tinnitus is still here but as i said, when anxiety and dpdr were low, all the rest was pretty much fading near to resolvign completely. I'm asking if anyone here had something similiar, if it is 100% HPPD or 100% DPDR (which honestly, being a student ''in this field'' i fully udnerstand there is no real way to answer this question yet) or have been in a similiar situation, how got rid of it because i'm really considering to start SSRI for the depression and general anxiety/discomfort it is carrying. thans for any answers.

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