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Hallucinations at night


ferret
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I need help. Sorry for making this so long but I want to include all the details because I don’t know which ones are actually relevant. I really appreciate any help that anyone can provide. I am an 18 year old senior in high-school. I am a smart kid (I scored a 2020 on my SATs) mental issues are really scary to me. I drink occasionally and have smoked marijuana a few times but not very often. Until now I’ve had great balance in my life. I think about philosophy a lot more than most people my age and decided that I thought something could be learned from taking psychedelic drugs. I considered salvia and psilocybin mushrooms because of the low risk that I was told they presented. A friend of mine who had done shrooms many times convinced me that that is what I should try.

Six weeks ago we went over to his house and took some at about 5 p.m. I took about an 8th and he took a little less. This was foolish because we knew that his parents would be home soon, even though they usually leave him alone in the basement. At first I just got some minor visuals and thought everything was hilarious, and then I noticed that I couldn’t close my eyes without seeing random objects pop-up, and then I started talking to myself. I heard many voices in my head but was still enjoying the trip. From this point on my eyes were closed for almost the entire night.

Soon I kept hearing the same voices telling me the same thing over and over again. I can’t remember what they were saying but I know it seemed to make sense at the time. I would try to argue with them by pointing out a flaw in their grand idea but they always managed to prove my argument false. After arguing with them for what seemed like weeks I began to get very anxious. I started to wonder if I would ever get back to normal. I thought I might be able to physically escape from the trip so I started rolling around on the floor wildly; apparently I knocked over a drum set causing my friend’s parents to come downstairs. Although I wasn’t aware of it at the time my friend explained what was happening to his parents who tried to hold me down and keep me from hitting my head. I just remember being terrified that I would never return to normal. Eventually I came to and after apologizing to his parents many times went to sleep. I left feeling perfectly fine in the morning.

After three weeks of no side effects I awoke at 1 a.m. after a horrible dream. Nightmares never bother me but this one was different. I dreamt I was at a different school. What was really odd about the dream was that I had so many memories from the school, for instance I remember thinking how long it had been since I had been in the gym because I hadn’t taken PE since freshman year. Anyways In the dream I became aware that I was slowly started to lose my mind. Eventually the setting changed completely and I was in a field in medieval times. I thought that I had gone completely insane and that this field was a complete separation from reality (however because I was dreaming I still thought that the dream school was reality). I asked a soldier in the field if I was in the real world and he assured me that I was and I believed him (looking back on it I think this was the creepiest part of the dream). Anyways all of the sudden an army of soldiers fired their arrows at a bunch of birds killing them all. Then I awoke. When I awoke couldn’t close my eyes without seeing strange visuals like I was tripping. I couldn’t get back to sleep the rest of that night.

The next few days I had constant horrible anxiety and some feelings of surrealism/depersonalization. The anxiety was so bad that I would literally be shaking throughout the day. After a few days of this anxiety I told my parents so that I could see a doctor. The doctor said that it would go away in a week and he was right but then one night when I was trying to fall asleep I got some more closed eye visuals and would find myself thinking about things that made no sense such as: the great NFL coach named “Zoid”, or I would be explaining to myself how I got in trouble at wal-mart even though no such incident took place. This has been going on for about two weeks now, sometimes the thoughts become full “dreams” with auditory and visual sensations even though I am definitely still awake. Last night as I was falling asleep I suddenly was in a hotel with a bunch of Asians pointing guns at me, it lasted just for a second but it leaves me very confused and afraid. I just found out that one of my uncles was schizophrenic so that raised my anxiety quite a bit, but I don’t hallucinate in the daytime. I have some very minor HPPD visuals (static/bright spots) but they aren’t very bad as long as I don’t think about them. I thought I was just having Hypnagogic hallucinations but mine seem to involve more senses and be more severe than most cases of hypnogia (to my understanding hypnoggia usually involves seeing strange objects in your room rather than being in another room altogether, although mine are closed eye so I don’t really know which is worse). I’m seeing a therapist but he doesn’t know what’s going on. I’m thinking about having a sleep study done.

Am I schizophrenic? Is my REM cycle just really fucked up? Will it get better? What can I do? I don’t mind giving up drugs, but can I still drink?

Sorry about the length. Thanks to anyone who read the whole thing.

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There is a wealth of information on here. I would read everything on this site that you can.

Tough questions to answer..

Starting with a therapist and maybe some cognative behavior therapy mighty be beneficial.

I like bud, it mellows me out......but intesifies trails.....weird.

Take it easy on the booze and be careful with benzos.

Exercise can be extremely beneficial for self- esteem and overall feeling good.

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Also, I (and my doctors) don't think I'm schitzophrenic. The only symptoms i have when I'm not trying to fall asleep (other than the improving anxiety and the almost gone DP) are very minor visual ones like occasional static but it seems like I can convince myself not to see them so I don't know if I even have HPPD or am just imagining symptoms. I think that the anxiety makes it difficult for me to fall asleep and therefore prolongs the period between sleep and consciousnious where parts of my brain are asleep and others aren't, this is why I think i get the strange "thoughts" at night. The only time I have open eye visuals that I cant make go away is when I wake up in the middle of the night and see thick colorful static anywhere that is dark, its like my mind is trying to put color anywhere that my eyes cant find any. Does any of this sound fammiliar to anyone? Does anyone else get closed eye visuals when trying to sleep?

Good Luck Everyone!

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Hey ferret, I have similar stuff happen to me at night. The majority of the problems I face with HPPD are when trying to sleep. I get the same weird dreams/thoughts that you are experiencing. The only way I have really found to combat this is to keep a strict sleep schedule and really just getting used to it. Sounds like you are pretty new to this if you have any questions you can ask me or read some of my posts.

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Thanks Wolf. Im feeling a lot better today. Im pretty confident that I can get this under control soon. As long as the sleep issues are just hypnagogia and won't end up effecting me in the day I can stop worrying about this. I can almost consider it a gift once I learn to control it a little more. Lots of people would like to be able to enter an altered stat of consciousness when they want to, maybe ill be able to use it like a form of meditation.

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I also have a hard time sleeping. The main reason is the visual snow, it used to be a freaky alien-like pattern that seemed like it was painted on the back of my eyelids. When I first got hppd, it freaked me out so bad that I would dread going to sleep every night because to sleep I needed to close my eyes and face the patterns of the snow. I found that sleeping with the lights on is the only thing that helps get rid of at least some of the snow, and then reading a book gives you something to focus on and makes you tired. Also try falling asleep to some really calm ambient music, I recomend some chill aphex twin songs like rhubarb or flim. These songs always take away some of my pre-sleep anxiety.

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Honnestly im still not sure if I have HPPD. I see static and weird bright spots sometimes but don't notice them as long as I'm thinking about something else. I think everyone has occasional visual annomalies, I'm not a psychologist but it seems logical to me that the more i worry about them the more often I will see them because it is teaching my brain that they are significant. A person who lives in a region with no dangerous snakes is less likely to notice a snake than someone who is often worried about being bitten by a venemous snake. By feeling anxiety everytime my vision does something a little funny I am telling my brain that those happenings are possibly harmful to me and my brain will therefore exagerate them and make them more noticeable. I don't know if I'm right it's just a theory but for now I'm going to try to worry as little as possible about my vision. It can be really difficult to do when my anxiety is bad though. I don't really want to take medication but if it can help me get control of my anxiety it might be worth it.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Feeling Better. Im back to normal most of the time, just occasional anxiety/dp that improves every day and a hard time sleeping. The visuals really went once I convinced myself that I was exaggerating them, now the only time I get them is when I wake up in a dark room and get some visual snow, but I'm confident that that will pass with the anxiety and everythimg else.

I know my visuals were never as bad as what some others had but I realy think that if you don't worry about them they will pass. worrying about them teaches you to notice them.

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