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9 years this may


bryan02
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my story.

i first noticed something wasn't right after taking acid for the first time, furniture was swaying and if i tried to i could see static in the distance. i stopped using drugs, it was mainly pot and ecstacy and a few months later everything seemed ok, so i started again (sound familiar?)

almost a year after the time i noticed symptoms they came back after a night of partying with alcohol, pot and cocaine. static was the main visual, thinking this would clear up like it did the time before i carried on partying as normal. bit by bit things started to get worse and eventually i admitted the symptoms seemed to be permanent.

i stopped all drugs other than alcohol and nicotine in 2005 and after awhile became settled with the symptoms; static, floaters, trails, after images and tinnitus. i still partied and the symptoms would always be a lot worse when hungover but id realised they'd always settle again the following day. the anxiety dp/dr etc hasn't been easy but id found ways of combatting it a lot of the time.

occaisionally at parties i would smoke a spliff and this leads me to where i am today. at the beginning of december i did just this and have since noticed my symptoms to intensify quite dramatically. it hasn't been the first time they've gotton worse but this has definately been the longest and im not expecting them to settle any time soon, if they will at all. its pretty tough but im sure everyone reading this doesn't need to be reminded of that.

static, floaters, trails and after images have intensified a great deal and i am now seeing starbursts and have blurred vision in my left eye. although it has been intermittently getting dry and blurry over the last couple of years so not totally certain that this is related to hppd. anyone else know of dry eye, blurred vision as a symptom? hppd seems to be the root of most problems so i suspect it will be. fatigue and anxiety are also a lot harder to control.

two main reasons ive wrote this; one is that i am digging pretty deep to hold things together and as you will understand not many people you tell (if you tell any) can actually understand the intensity of it, so knowing this support is here gives strength in itself

the other is to give advice to anyone just noticing symptoms, to first of all hang on because it could be so much worse, life is good even if it seems messed up it will get easier but if like me you don't know any other lifestyle other than partying be rest assured so many natural highs are just waiting to be found, think snowboarding, rock climbing, studying, learning instruments etc. i can only speak from personal experience but it has gotton worse over time so if i could back to the beginning of it (preferably just would before even better still) i would stop taking drugs immediately (even it if it seems like a huge lifestyle change), quit smoking cigarettes and drink alcohol to be sociable but to avoid hangovers and symptoms worsening the next day. exercise reguarly and fuel the body with the nutrients it works best on.

at first i put my symptoms worsening down to the fact i smoked a spliff, which could be the case but drinking alcohol to the point of passing out can't be any better for you either, maybe it was the straw that broke the camels back perhaps but to be safe look after the body, take control of what you still can control and be strong.

bry

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Hang in there man. It can get better in time. Are you trying to go sober now? I'm not sure that you do but don't feel bad that you had symptoms and kept going. You might ask yourself, what if I had stopped.....the tone of your post suggests that. But hell, mine came on with very little symptoms before hand. You could just as easily have gotten it after one singular incident. Perhaps in time the brain will heal it self. They say it can take 5-10 years to get better. Maybe yours will but it just hasn't had the sober chance yet.

I have the exact same symptoms that you listed. well, minus trails plus starbursts. My only warning was blurred or snowy vision in one section of my vision a few weeks after a bad 2c-p trip. Then i did E1, 4FMA, MXE in one night and BAM the next day I've had it full blown. fuckin static is the most annoying.

My advice, care about yourself and your body and giving up the alcohol and other substances, will follow. I usually never practice Lent. I haven't been to church in a long time. But this year I'm committing hard core to Lent. I'm going to give up sodas and other bad food, alcohol, smoking, anything bad. If you believe that willpower is unlimited then you'll be surprised at what you can do.

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  • 2 weeks later...

cheers for the replies guys - a few days after posting my dry eye eased and with it went the blurred vision and starbursts so im guessing this wasn't a direct symptom of hppd. this has given a great deal of relief, other symptoms are still harder than pre december, especially on a night. i think thats the hardest time to stay calm as even after all this time i still have trouble remembering that by the morning they'll have subsided. any tips?

body feels healthier havn't smoked a cigarette since mid jan, on the alcohol front im experimenting with myself because at first i thought if i don't drink when will i see people, socialise etc but have started going out and not drinking and actually feels ok (economical too). gonna try a club this weekend and allow myself 5 beers up until midnight and see how that goes the next day.

boogres how long have you had symtoms? do you always avoid alcohol now? love the bukowski quote :)

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had mild hppd symptoms since september 10th 2010, mild dp since may 2011, pretty bad DPDR and cog issues/fatigue since november, so all in all, not too long...things are better, some days feel better than others but all in all, im confident ill get past it, even if i have mild lingering visual symptoms...i hope....and yeah im tryin to avoid alcohol, i figure the less i strain my brain the quicker ill heal, plus ive read too many stories of people whove recovered only to have hppd return after one drunken night, so im tryin to get used to a life with as little of it as possible

i was more of a smoker than a drinker anyway, iim not lookin to pawn off one addiction for another.

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Hi. I have lived with HPPD for 41 years and am OK You will be too, I promise In the beginning it is hell - especially when no one believes you - but you will overcome it and there will be days, then weeks, then months - when you don't even notice you have the symptoms! The good and interesting things in life seem to take over - and all becomes 'normal' again I am aware I still have trailers and afterimages - but the mind gets sort of used to it Be strong - you'll get there

Just no more drugs though!

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  • 4 weeks later...

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