Jump to content

Not sure if HPPD, Don't want to quit weed


charmander420
 Share

Recommended Posts

Sorry about wall of text. Please help me!!!

Hello all, my first time posting here, I'll start with my story. I'm 16, 17 in a couple months. I had an 8th of mushrooms the day after my 15th birthday, had a great experience with no noticable persisting effects, tried acid a month later. It was not lsd. It tasted strongly of harsh, metallic, bitter, hairspray-like chemicals. I took 2 hits, the girl who had taken the same stuff said one tab her made her feel it mildly, so I figured 2 was fine. I thought the risks were of a bad trip, I wasn't worried about hppd. After I took it, I read online about lsd mimics and taste and had some anxiety, understandably. I was alone for the whole trip. It went ok, about 12 hours after taking it I went to sleep, I didn't have any freakouts, I was just a little stressed that I had taken a mystery drug. The main effect of the drug was a pattern tied to the floor. It was only on my low-quality, reddish-orange carpet, not on walls or ceilings. It looked like curvy, goopy lines that formed symbols in circular formations on the carpet. I also was able to make flat surfaces "melt"(although with this drug it was more like turn to energy and buzz) while under its influence. I didn't notice static during the trip. I did half an eighth of shrooms 3 months later, and the acid(by acid I mean mystery drug) pattern returned to the floor, like, bam. Never saw it on my first shroom trip. It was just like, normal looking floor, take barely any shrooms, bam, instant spiderweb of lines that won't go away no matter what. This stressed me out quite a bit, and went away completely when the shrooms wore off, and I haven't had a bad trip yet, out of my 3 total.

I don't know really if I have hppd or not. My vision is permanently altered. Meaning, everything in my field of vision now buzzes with shimmery, staticky energy. An object I focus on, like a tree, looks totally clear, but my vision is always buzzing and shimmering. Also sometimes when there's a bunch of bits of something on the floor(e.g. white specks on black floor) if I try I can make them separate and move and zone out, and sometimes even melt/buzz. Only if I try though. Closed eyes and dark rooms are comfortable for me. I see light amounts of multicolored static in dark and closed eyes, but it is light, not enough to stress me out. I get no cevs, no pure blackness but nothing disturbing or approaching what I saw when on drugs. When I get stoned and go to bed, the visuals are not distracting, nor are they like they were when I was on the acid, where I had to keep my eyes open just to avoid sensory overload and sharp piercing colors. Smoking weed gives me a little acid high every time I do it. It increases the shimmers and makes it easier to intentionally trip like I just mentioned. Hell, I can't trip out to a surface unless I've smoked weed, drank alcohol, etc recently. I've still been smoking weed multiple times a day every day for the last couple years though. I certainly don't have anything close to the hell some of you describe, absolutely no suicidal impulses, haven't been depressed. I've been living with acid visuals, so to speak. I got myself all worked up about hppd about a year ago by reading about it on the internet, but I just convinced myself I'd get better with time and ignored it, which is for the most part good advice as far as I've read. After I worried about it for a few months, I stopped. I quit worrying about visuals and continued to smoke weed all day every day and enjoy myself high without worrying about visuals, which by the way were just the shimmers, because I was not looking at surfaces and making myself trip. During this time I passed the G.E.D. to graduate high school early and before that got a's in advanced classes(weird guy I know) as if to demonstrate that I was still functional in a spaced-out, foggy, weed/acid state. I did spend a couple months sober last year, but I was very sick during that time with a very physically painful stomach illness and I don't remember that period too well. I believe the visuals subsided only a little, but I was very stressed during that time, purely as a result of physical pain. I resumed smoking weed right when I got better, and I haven't been able to discern any loss or rise in weed visuals over the last year... until a couple days ago.

A couple days ago I had nothing to do alone for like 10 hours, and high quantities of top shelf medical cannabis plus excessive indoor shut-in video gaming lead me to begin stressing over my visuals again. I began stressing over the shimmer-vision, which weed greatly increases but does not impair functionality. It seems to only really exist in my peripheral or on flat things like walls, trees don't shimmer, words on books and the web shimmer a little, but I can read smaller print than a lot of functional older folks so I think I'm fine. Then I re-researched hppd, found this site, and worried myself sick while reading all the posts that say don't smoke weed, hppd never got better, hppd came back after a period of none, etc etc. That night, I smoked some weed, felt a little better, looked at my garage floor, and that same pattern was there, and it would not go away. First time I've noticed that pattern in months, used to see it when high at the location of my acid trip, nowhere else, now I'm seeing it on the garage floor and sidewalks. Anything grainy. Flat walls are clean if a bit shimmery and buzzy. Generic carpets have started to show ghosts of these patterns, but not overlays like before. It isn't as strong as it was on the mushrooms trip, it is transitory, transparent, ghostlike, but it bugs me. And last night, I smoked some weed, sat down, stared at the garage floor pattern, and had an intense acid flashback where the floor melted into moving energetic electric goop just like on my acid trip and I felt extreme dp/dr/disassociation/ego loss/what-have-you. I felt extreme pressure in my head and extreme distance from reality during the visual. e.g., I was spaced out and it was difficult to break. One thing to consider is that I've been stuck with sativa-dominant weed after a large purchase by a buddy and I. One other thing to consider is that I've been smoking all kinds of great weed including sativa dominant kinds without significant problems. One other thing to consider is that I used to have problems eating and sleeping before marijuana use and marijuana has helped me with those quite a bit, even after I did acid.

So the main advice on this board is, don't focus on the problem, meaning don't look for these ghosts of acid patterns in my floors, and avoid all drug use. But you see, quitting weed just because if I try I can trip would be focusing on the hppd! It'd be changing my whole life based around hppd rehabilitation! I'm afraid, however, that if I don't quit it could get worse, or keep it from getting better. I really don't mind the temporary visuals I get when high enough to stop smoking, I get overall more enjoyment then sadness from marijuana, which is something I am very thankful for. I'm so glad I stopped my hallucinogen use when I did and didn't take more hits.(I was thinking about taking more my 1st time!) I just don't want to make my situation worse! I realize I'm very young, and my mind is still developing, and so I'd like some advice from those experienced with hppd regarding marijuana in a minor case. I want to be able to enjoy marijuana later in my life, and I want to do what will cause the most overall happiness in life. Marijuana gives me a shortcut to happiness, but I read about hppd getting worse and worse with continued marijuana use, and I want to be able to enjoy marijuana when I'm 40, but from what I've read I may be killing my chances at that by smoking so much lately and worrying about this so much lately. I imagine it's possible a few years of sobriety will lessen my hppd symptoms to the point where cannabis doesn't cause me to see this pattern, and it's possible continued daily use will worsen the symptoms until pot becomes unpleasant. I hated the feeling of my acid flashback, felt out of control and physically sick, but if I didn't stare at the floor and zone out, it wouldn't have happened. Although, now that I've noticed it again, I can't get that pattern out of that floor, I see a little ghost of it every time I glance at the floor. Another thing I'm worried about is, if I quit for a few years and try it again, I'll have no tolerance and I'll get crazily high and my visuals will almost definitely come back, give me a bad trip like last night, and scare me away.

So I haven't smoked any since last night. The visuals have gone down a little, but it has been a while(maybe 3 months) since I've gone 3 days or more without smoking. The pattern is still there, on the floor, at least little bits and pieces, would it really be logical to discontinue marijuana use, and deal with the problems of no drive to eat(affecting me today) or sleep and make this drastic life change just for the effects I described? Would it be unsafe to get some nice indica and go outside for a change of pace and just avoid tripping by not spacing out at floors and stuff?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

marijuana ill admit is prolly the worst drug on my head , it raise's anxiety like a motherfucker for one....

but i still smoke all day.. i got stomach issues and i dig the 'make dumb shit fun' aspect of it. plus i cant remember the last time i paid for it lol.

if its causeing you problems you gotta outweigh the benifits.. pros/negs...

i can ID the mystery drug .. just need a little more information

how long did it take to realize the drug was working?

did you feel nausea during the trip?

did you get extreamly hungry around the tail end of the trip?

lsd tho tasteless leaves a metal/bloody like taste in ur mouth in alot of people.

did you get it on absorbant paper?

did you throw up right when you felt the effect?

what colors would you say were more active, greens blues, reds oranges?

how long did it last?

repeat- how long did it take to realize the drug was working? this is needed to know if it was a ergot drug, tryptamine or phenethlymine.

it really does sound like uve hit hppd territory, never trust closed eye visuals for hppd diagnosis, always open eye. if your seeing things look like buzzing energy... as a result of this experience in drugs... id confirm hppd for you.

as for the weed giving you a acid like high now, this is common for hppd'rs and trippers without problems cause pot has an psychedelic effect, my advice would be to do as i do, start smoking 1-2 hits instead of a full bowl etc.

"Hell, I can't trip out to a surface unless I've smoked weed, drank alcohol, etc recently."

quotes like that make it hard to understand where your coming from.. if you have to look at textures to see effects, this is not hppd.

"that same pattern was there, and it would not go away."

your stress over your situation may be your worst enemy here, if it is hppd.. cease all hallucinogens... ive always told people with minor visual disturbances atfer psychedelics that the worst thing you can ever do is pay attention to them as it has a way of becoming deep rooted.

in the end id never recommend quitting something you love, even if you have hppd. when ur rdy to quit all the power to you , but the stress of dropping things like THC , things youve become grown on to... well just stress you out more.. tho id say stick with sativa dom strains as indica tends to be more mind-numbing and psychedelic.

and for real, relax on this problem for a bit.. you could be causeing all this yourself from dwelling on it...

i got the same issues with weed, never feel hungry without it.. i try not to smoke socially cause it does cause me panic attacks if to much outside stimuli.

all in all, never trip again tho.. if your issues arent hppd related they are def warning signs and hallucinogens should be cut from ur path.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks so much lucid for helping me out. I'd really appreciate your input on what the drug was. First of all I don't remember the entire experience too well. I took it at 5:30 pm. I believe it took about 45-60 mins to feel effects, and 2-3 hours to peak, and about 6 hours of strong tripping after the peak. I stopped tripping for the most part(besides the pattern on the floor and other minor residual visual effects) at nighttime, and went to sleep about 11 hours after dosing. I woke up not tripping like yesterday but definitely not feeling normal. This leads me to believe that it was not one of the 24-hour-trip amphetamine psychedelics like DOB but I may be wrong. I've researched the drugs and none seems to fit my story perfectly. The tabs were about a quarter inch thick, very small, but much thicker than regular paper. I tasted that chemical taste immediately and very strongly right when I put them in my mouth. I took one out after a couple mins under my tongue, it had green bits(used to be solid layer) of what I assumed was drug around what looked like geltab or something, didn't look like normal paper. It was in Portland, Oregon, and was sold to me as lsd. I didn't really feel nausea or the urge to throw up at any time, but my stomach felt just a little uneasy the whole time, and I was not hungry at all, it had major appetite depressant effects, like mushrooms did for me. When I said the acid flashback made me feel physically sick, it wasn't puke type of sickness, it was extreme pressure in my head, neck, and eyes, and the feeling of disconnection from the body, and the stress made me feel ill for a while. I was fine after I went outside and got some fresh air and looked at some trees(one of the things I love). Mushrooms for me were all purple and blue, while acid was all orange, yellow, and red, although I had the lights off(dim light) for the majority of my mushroom trip. My tripping room for acid was orange-red carpet and a yellow fluorescent blub without a shade, When I took shrooms the second time I did feel shroomy aspects return, especially with closed eyes, but it was corrupted by the acid big time. I do not plan to ever use hallucinogens again, although I may change my mind if I get terminal cancer or something.

"Hell, I can't trip out to a surface unless I've smoked weed, drank alcohol, etc recently."

quotes like that make it hard to understand where your coming from.. if you have to look at textures to see effects, this is not hppd.

I don't have to look at certain textures to see the overlay of shimmeryness on my vision. I do have to look at certain textures(used to do this in that original orange carpet room before I moved), namely ones where I can see that pattern, in order to experience a full on melting effect. If I try to zone out on a plain white wall, all that will happen is the shimmering will increase more. If I zone out to this pattern, it will start to move and I will start to drift out of my body. I can end the intense visual any time by just averting my eyes, or even just staring at one little spot on the floor.

One thing I've been thinking today is that my mild hpp might not even be that bad of a thing. I believe my hppd has overall reduced the influence of emotions in my life and allowed my head to make the more logical decision, as if I'm disconnected from my apelike emotions. Furthermore, I can see interesting objects like trees and people quite clearly, it's just the boring things like sidewalks that I can make move. I might be able to convince myself its a blessing, if it weren't for the fact that I DIDN'T CHOOSE MY DRUG, and also I felt significantly dumber while on its influence.(same with shrooms though, even though I liked them... those gave me quite a bit of confusion and disassociation, but the effects completely wore off as far as I could tell). I wanted visuals that were geometrical and mathematical, and I got ones that were goopy and vague. Oh, well.

Thanks a lot for your info man! I really appreciate your taking the time to read my massive story. I think I'll smoke some weed today.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

5-meo dipt "green specks confirm this, good attention to detail, as its the only chem that ive seen this reaction to saliva in.". 99% prolly with bathsalts.had a long descriptive post for you but i trailed off into hatred of these people... ill describe why later witht he same detail... just without the parts about going clockwork orange/1984 on these people ;)

edited for bad morning.. ill come back to this.

**CENSORED BY LUCID****edited to not shock people..but those who buy and traffic RC's when most are from fucking china nowadays, expect us.</p>

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ha I actually read that before you censored it, lucky me. It is truly too bad, hppd in its nature prevents sufferers from continuing to buy lsd, thus the only ones who interact with these fake dealers are non-hppd'ers and folks who think it's the real deal. When you get hppd and discover the fake drugs, you're prevented from further testing of new lsd batches and interacting with more fake dealers, and when you are not hppd prone, you don't know the permanent effects the fake drugs have on people, and that is not your battle. The person that sold it to me was a very, very small time dealer girl who took the drug and told me again and again it was lsd, so I can't be mad at her, she's just stupid like I was and I guess not hppd prone.

"try looking at a solid non texture white wall without concentraiting or trying to focus on hppd.. tell me what you see? do this right now right NOW"

Well, since I've been staring at a computer screen for a while after smoking hash the white wall was very buzzy and shimmery and I could barely make out a pattern that I knew wasn't really there, but when I averted my eyes to the wood table in front of me, I could see the texture of the wood in great detail, it's weird. I have got to say, that pattern is pretty damn remniscent of some psychedelic posters, just not the fractally or geometric ones(which was what I really wanted). The pattern is remniscent of certain carpets. Maybe sometime I'll stumble upon a good example image. Colors, I don't get very much of. The pattern has always been a transparent greyish whitish color. The color of the hallucination that I can create with will depends on the color of the surface, traditionally orange-red for me due to the original setting but also grey sidewalks can move without a ton of colors, the drug itself does seem to produce more blues and greens and purples than reds and oranges on non-red surfaces. After the drug another effect is, when I sit down in a hot shower then stand up, I get very lightheaded and my vision just totally blankets with purplish bluish greenish "haze" and I can't see anything in the center of my vision for a few seconds. White shimmering walls have maybe just a little bit of bluish purple staticky tinge after the drug, and if I really try I can make out that pattern, but not when just glancing at it like it is now with some floors.

And what you said was true, I may never get to experience lsd now, and any drug I experience will be "stained" with the drug. If I ever do decide to try lsd, it would probably be when I'm too old to do anything anymore and I choose hppd for the remainder of life, could be better than non-hppd old age and could be easier to cope with death if your life's a dream.

About foxy, I read it and a lot of things do seem to match, except that I read a lot of trip reports and nobody ever seems to mention that pattern. Also, haven't found any reports of people being sold it as acid. Then again, you sure seem to know your stuff, I don't know anything about drugs other than what's on erowid pretty much, and that was one drug that had never before occured to me(all the normal culprits are dox and 2c-x), and I think there's a good chance that that was it, I sure hope so, I don't like the sound of amphetamine psychedelics. I wish I could buy another tab and keep it for testing but I moved out of the area unfortunately. It really does please me to hear that there's a good chance it was a tryptamine and not a 2c or DOx. I sure do appreciate your help a lot man, although you can't reverse your hppd you sure still do have plenty of influence in the physical world and you sure can help a lot of people out there avoid it and cope with it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

"About foxy, I read it and a lot of things do seem to match, except that I read a lot of trip reports and nobody ever seems to mention that pattern."

everone has there own 'patterns'. try texture exercises to stop it... this is one thing i dont recommend to many but just start at a ice cube or concrete , focus... and i mean for hours,,, for a week atleast. should stable you to ur own set , tho this is risky...focus...focus,, as it could.... get worse from power of perception...

"And another thing, I think the kind of people that have overdone psychedelic drugs are adult enough to handle a disturbing post, and I think that post would've been enjoyed by certain hppd'ers, I wish I would've saved your original, it was great. "

youd be surprised.... ive been here since 99 and helped found this community... 50%respect 50% want me to shut it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

youd be surprised.... ive been here since 99 and helped found this community... 50%respect 50% want me to shut it.

And so you shut it? huh

i dont understand how you know that it wasnt acid though :S

Real lsd, although it has a slightly bitter taste, is active in doses way too low(ten thousandth of a gram's 1 100ug hit) to ever be tasted, and extremely strong chemical taste could not come from the dyes in the paper, it wasn't even paper anyway. Kids nowadays sometimes do acid knockoffs for years thinking they're doing lsd.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Some lsd users do report a slight metallic taste but there is no reason for an lsd tab to taste extremely strong. Ever hear the saying if its bitter its a spitter? The police have seized lots of tabs that were sold as lsd but weren't. LSD was hard to find in my area, I had to pester multiple weed dealers until one of em got me a friend of a friend type of thing. As soon as those tabs hit my tongue I could barely keep them in, super super harsh chemical taste, like drinking hairspray or something, and I actually saw a layer of something on the outside of the strange, not-paper tab wearing away as I sucked on it. Based on these facts and internet research, I'm 100% sure it wasn't lsd. If you've been taking tabs that have a strong taste as soon as they hit the tongue, you haven't been taking lsd. All those in the know know that the good acid is tasteless, the good liquid is clear. Like I said, lots of folks have been tripping off of lsd knockoffs for years thinking it was lsd. The reason for this is that lsd in incredibly hard to make, and lots of psychedelic research chemicals like foxy which used to be legal, DOB, DOI, 2c-I, are much easier to get off the internet.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

By definition, if you have a disorder caused by a hallucinogen (marijuana is a hallucinogen), then you have HPPD. If you've gotten a few minor symptoms, take it as a warning sign.

Weed isn't for you, nor are any other drugs.

Drugs are great when used intelligently, such as self-exploration while on acid, or contemplation of a flower while high. But if it alters you permanently... you are almost certainly genetically predisposed to HPPD. So if you have it now, and you do more hallucinogens, it will all get worse.

Also, eventually, what kind of person will you become long-term, in 5 years, in 10, if you stay high all the time (like I was at your age). You can go somewhere OK if you're a talented person. But whatever skills you have or don't, have to study or are a genius, you just aren't going to really get jack shit accomplished if you smoke weed more than once a week. But for anyone who has any persistent symptoms, you by definition have HPPD, and you need to give up the great things drugs can give you, and 180 your entire life. It is the only option.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

By definition, if you have a disorder caused by a hallucinogen (marijuana is a hallucinogen), then you have HPPD. If you've gotten a few minor symptoms, take it as a warning sign.

Weed isn't for you, nor are any other drugs.

Drugs are great when used intelligently, such as self-exploration while on acid, or contemplation of a flower while high. But if it alters you permanently... you are almost certainly genetically predisposed to HPPD. So if you have it now, and you do more hallucinogens, it will all get worse.

Also, eventually, what kind of person will you become long-term, in 5 years, in 10, if you stay high all the time (like I was at your age). You can go somewhere OK if you're a talented person. But whatever skills you have or don't, have to study or are a genius, you just aren't going to really get jack shit accomplished if you smoke weed more than once a week. But for anyone who has any persistent symptoms, you by definition have HPPD, and you need to give up the great things drugs can give you, and 180 your entire life. It is the only option.

Wise words man. Giving up drugs has been a really tough, but also kind of rewarding experience for me. I'm more positive about life and im more motivated about my career. But if you don't approach it as a 180, all-or-nothing, change (like you still wanna fuck around with drugs here and there) its a slippery slope. Looking back, i wish i could still do drugs, i miss em, but i've also learned alot about myself in sobriety. But i'm also grateful for the insight and self-exploration that drugs made possible.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.