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Success story


fitch
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Ok guys I'll keep it short and sweet. EDIT: OK its quite long!!! You may remember me from before. Here's all you need to know about my story:

Combined heavy use of LSD, X, 2ci, and coke over a period of 2 days broke the camels back 3 years ago. I also used X and ketamine quite heavily for 18 months prior to this and had done LSD once before.

2 weeks after this i had my 'breakdown' and the nightmare of hppd began and continued to grow for a few months. I had read reports of 2ci affecting thyroid function and I was convinced the visuals and physical symptoms were a gross malfunctioning of various parts of brain and body. I became functional after 7 months or so but continued to have strong visuals and was still anxious. Body symptoms and visuals could be described as getting worse very gradually even.

Now the good bit. 2 months ago (3 years after onset) I went to a 10 day Vipassana meditation retreat. It is impossible to describe my experience, suffice to say that it was life changing. I overcame very deep rooted psychological problems from childhood and beyond, integrated my overwhelming trip and grappled with my suffering with hppd. It took colossal effort but it paid off. My visuals now are diminishing slowly and they have ABSOLUTELY NO psychological effect on me. I can happily observe them if i'm bored but mostly they wont enter any realm of my consciousness for days at a time.

Psychologically I am 100% cured. I do not suffer, there is no disorder. Physiological changes happened but I now understand (perhaps wrongly but who cares? ) it as 'excess awareness' and does not impact me at all.

The precise mechanism of the visuals holds merely an intellectual interest but quite frankly I now couldn't care less. I am able to tolerate stress like a normal person, skip sleep, party all night, just like before. My bad hangovers are gone!

It should be noted that during the detoxing diet and environment of the retreat, I underwent a 'healing crisis' as boils etc arose on my skin, and many odd physical symptoms emerged briefly, perhaps suggesting i indeed was under some sort of 'toxic load.'

For me, hppd was catalyzed by psychology. The mind is truly an astonishing thing. The meditation should not be underestimated, it is not recommended for people in severe psychological distress. I probably could not have completed the course a year ago. It was like a 10 day acid trip roller-coaster of emotion, but I emerged a BETTER and happier person than I have ever been. A true 'salvation' story.

It is not religious in any way but the practice is obviously rooted in buddhist teachings. I am still atheist ;) I am however in a different place 'spiritually' and I hope others look into the practice for the benefits may be astonishing. Many of you might have already attended the course and had poor results. This does not invalidate it!

I have never taken any medication for hppd, an important factor for me I think. In the UK it was difficult to get prescribed stuff. Any crutch that I had early on would have fucked up progress. I would never say 'dont take meds' but THINK if you really need them.

Final advice: Reduce stress, particularly deep emotional stress. Cut out refined sugar, eat well! Do your best to resolve any traumas you may have. Do not crave reduction of visuals because it will happen very gradually. REDUCE STRESS! Exercise. Take the right supplements. For me basically Mg, vit B complex, amino acids, gut health stuff. I honestly weeded out things that were placebo but this is not great science of course ;)

Now for the part I would not have imagined me saying: Work on your self earnestly, look into 'spirituality' and how comfortable you are with yourself. YOU HAVE CONTROL OVER YOUR EMOTIONS!

You can fucking do it guys, I hope I can inspire one person to maybe look at the meditation retreat. I still drink booze and sleep around and am by no means a pure person now but the main things is that it helped me 'see things things as they are'. Life is bigger than our shitty issues, and for a hppder they are shitty, we can rise above them but it takes time and effort.

To reiterate: this is a 'cure' but I accept it is personal to me. Please dont get obsessed with the science, see the bigger picture and live your life. I really dont want to hear 'thats cool but my problems cannot be healed that way.' I fucked myself over with more than enough serotonin acting drugs and my new existence is better than it was before. Have belief. Don't get turned off by the term 'spiritual'. To add finally, I had extreme clinical anxiety at one stage so I hope everyone can find positives here.

Peace. Fitch

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  • 2 weeks later...

Great success story!

I have been thinking about doing a Vipassana but have been a bit of a wimp haha, how was the process, what was the reatreat like and what did you do there?

Do you also still meditate and what kind of meditation do you do?

Thanks! Well, first of all have a look at the Vipassana website. You can see what the daily routine is and what the rules are ect. It's hard to really describe the experience, but basically the retreat is tough work. You are in your own head for 10 days and you spend a lot of time meditating obviously. Your experience is totally dependent on how you approach it and how well you work but I would say as long as you are determined and dont have bad anxiety then go for it! There are plenty of experiences posted online which I read before i went and a lot of them give a good impression of the environment there.

Yeah i'm at college now and I'm really busy so i dont meditate that much but when I do it is Vipassana, that's the name of the technique!

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Cheers! I will look into it, although you do mention having anxiety might not be a good idea going through with this, ah well :/

I don't know how bad your anxiety is but remember anxiety is something that is cured by this!! It cured me, but I had got it to manageable levels already.

One of the core concepts is how we are all on a spectrum: craving pleasant sensations and hating unpleasant sensations all the time. This rollercoaster is what causes us problems. These reactions to sensations can be say anger when something bad happens, and unbridled joy to something else. You learn to control your emotions! Everyone needs this!

People think there is a blunting effect since you learn not to follow pleasure, and a lot of existentialist and hedonistic thought in the west follow this track. This is rubbish! Good stuff becomes better, believe me.

One thing that blew my mind is how anxiety is an addiction to fear. This might not make any sense yet but when i got this, that was it i started improving so much. It elicits similar responses as excitement.

This might be a touchy subject on a board with high levels of anxiety but this is what I also learned: Anxiety is linked to ego and self importance. What will people think of ME if that happens? What if **I** get hurt? What if I AM ill? You learn to loosen your ego, see things as they are, and let go.

DO IT!! You only get one life, don't wait do things now! : )

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