Seeing my psychiatrist again

[tlehmbecker]

I'll be seeing my psychiatrist again, this friday.

 

It seems my symptoms are getting worse and I can't tell if it's just because of stress (school started up again) or something else (anxiety isn't an issue since I'm doped up on clonazepam all day). This is interesting considering it seemed to be getting better, but now it's getting worse for seemingly no reason. With regards to my other disorders (except panic disorder), those have also been in a downward spiral and I can't figure out why.

 

So, I'll definitely be bringing those up. I also think I need to be more upfront with him about my drug use. While the statements regarding MDMA use are true (only done once), regarding weed/THC use I actually experimented 4-5 times before with positive results before having my nightmare of a trip (yet I still want to smoke it I guess as an escape). Also, my statements regarding DPH use (abuse really) were not true when I first saw him. When I first saw him, I told him I did at most 50mg 3-4 times per week for insomnia. The reality is that I was doing 200-300mg on a nightly basis for almost two years straight (there were periods of a month or two where I would go without doing DPH). Also, I didn't mention I used to frequently mix DPH with other drugs, usually hypnotic drugs like zolpidem and strong RC benzos and sometimes with other antihistamine sedatives (doxylamine, dimenhydrinate, etc.). Even mixed DPH with extremely high doses of melatonin for about 3 months (we're talking 40mg or more of melatonin). Mixed it with DXM as well (though the DXM was taken at sub-psychoactive doses, i.e. therapeutic doses).

 

I also am going to tell him about how I've been self-harming (I've kept this hidden from him since May which is when I started). Some of the wounds were so severe that I had to go to urgent care, which is incredibly awkward when you have to explain how you got the injuries, especially so when you're a rather big guy like myself, I was met with that sort of surprised/sudden realization "Oh...". I started self-harming as an escape and for that unparalleled rush you get from adrenaline and endorphins flooding your body. Also do it as punishment, though I don't really want to explain why here on these forums.

 

Don't really know why I'm starting this thread. I guess just as an update and potentially discussion on why symptoms could be getting worse.

[trip into hell]

i already said it and i say it again, chemicals like benzos etc. are just like a patch for symptoms and make it worse after the trip and in the long run..dont put some shit into your system...i never did and i got so much better + my hppd is over and i never fell back into it...i only have anxiety disorder left but this also gets better and better since i only use naturals.

 

its your life. i dont want to tell you what you have to do or whats right and whats wrong..just take it as an advice