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Status Update - I feel much better


LethargicAcid
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~9 months HPPD/anxiety/brainfog/DP etc..

 

I have been able to smile and laugh recently. 

 

I have been able to be in the moment.

 

I have been able to connect with people

 

I am much calmer and barely depressed at all

 

I am becoming more humble.(this is a big one to get better)

 

I am not addicted to HPPDONLINE anymore, lol. 

my food addiction is under control.

Computer addiction under control

 

I am not dependant on drugs.

 

I am faithful in my self and that I am happy.(increasing every day)

 

Months dont just pass by anymore

 

I have more brain power available. Like, more imagination, focus, memory.

 

I am happier than I have been in like forever lol. which is kinda ironic.

 

I obsess about my symtoms way less.

 

 

 

 

 

 

What I do:

Meditation/yoga (medt. for the entire day basically, im always focused. Yoga - about 2 hours a day) Practicing buddhism

I went Vegan. 

I choose not to indulge in things like masterbation, distractions, complaining, etc....

I choose humility. 

I choose love. 

I do not have any responsibilities which is a blessing. Live at my fathers.

Play with my dog.

Excersize as much as I can (i have a torn knee)

Supplement - Valerian Root, Kava, Lavender essential oil, Vitamin B12, Fish oil, green tea decaf.(these seem to help but i do not rely on them) plus they manage my ADHD.

And I dont go on HPPDonline all of the time. 

I stopped caring about the visuals much.

sleeping healthily

journaling(and some artwork :P. HPPD/DP - i make some trippy ass artwork :P.)

Positive thinking

Gratefulness. (very important) example: instead of thinking, "when is this shit going away", I try to think something like, "fruit flies live for like a day. I am grateful to be alive right now. Some people cant even walk. I am grateful to have such great fortune of this experience on this planet with a human brain"

PATIENCE. i used to always want this shit to go away. but now im taking it one dday at a time. 

 

I see the visuals and get fucking freaked out and then persevere to come back to the present moment. yes, its hard. But meditating EVERY DAY for 5 months grounded me and made me MUCH stronger/disciplined. I am able to get back to objectivity moreso.

 

 

I still have times where I get freaked out and eat food/distract myself, but I am getting better every day. Getting ALOT better every day.

 

Every little step counts. 

 

Its like cleaning ur room. at the beginning its like, "this is gonna take forever", STEP BY STEP and then its done.

The first step is the hardest part. But I promise, if u choose to take on this anxiety head on instead of avoiding it, you will get better. And it gets way easier. Every day is getting easier for me.

 

 

 

I theorize that DP/HPPD is a type of PTSD from an unintegrated past which drug sort of brought to surface. And the visuals cause "emotional flashbacks"

 

Thus, I choose not to care about the visuals, and I choose to adress the anxiety/DP. which are the same basically I think.

 

 

 

 

In my opinion its just a huge mind game.

 

 

 

 

also, I smoke weed(not habitually) and did a hit of DMT which helped me EXTREMELY. the hit of DMT snapped me into reality for 10 minutes.

 

The weed (sativa dominant) is a psychedelic. It expands my consciousness so that I can be aware of the anxiety easier with the CBD anti-anxiety effects. (i dont reccomend sativas, they literally cure my ADHD though.) Also, Sativas are extremely potent antidepressants. (cbd is anti anxiety)

 

i dont reccomend smoking weed; it can make everything worse. Dont use this as an excuse to smoke. But honestly weed was one of the biggest factors of my recovery. But ONLY BECAUSE I FACED THE FEAR/PAIN HEAD ON. which takes internal awareness, strength, courage, and PATIENCE. 

 

 

 

 

 

Psychedelics are for awareness. Exploring the subconscious mind and the senses with less judgement. So I do not reccomend psychedelics unless U have a high Emotional Intelligence, willpower, and confidense. And know what to expect. 

 

I Actually dont reccomend psychedelics at all. I heard some people's DP got cured by psychedelics. But doing a psychedelic would make all of the subconscious anxiety come out. Again, I think this is a PTSD. So if u do a psychedelic, subconscious anxiety that u have been escaping from WILL probably come out.

 

Only do psychedelics if u are very self aware and are ready to face some scary ass shit HEAD ON. and if u run from it, it can make it way worse.

 

Anyways, Im probly gonna do MDMA in a month or so (maybe) IN A THERAPEUTIC SETTING with a friend which is a cure for PTSD. but in the meantime, im just meditating for hours and shit. sober. (and maybe a little weed here and there :P)

 

 

I know Im probly gonna get a lot of critisizm for talking about psychedelics. But I said dont do them.

 

 

There seems to be a lot of different Theories on what this Condition really is. I am gaining clarity so hopefully I can figure it out.

Some think its brain damage. Some think its a type of PTSD. 

I respect everyones opinion.

Lets all be on the same side. I have positive intentions. Let us be teammates instead of politicians.

 

 

 

Oh, and I AM ACTUALLY ABLE TO FEEL MY FACE AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wonderful

 

 

 

Going vegan, and sleeping consistantly are very very important.

 

 

 

I read a quote somewhere, "unhappiness is the biggest indulgence"

 

 

 

 

All in all, I have become a much better person. I used to be a stereotypical, ungrateful 18-year-old who smokes weed and watches porn. lol. Now I am natural, more openminded, less egotistical, more simple, more grateful, more wise, more strong, and a lot of other shit. because I chose to.

 

 

 

oh and NUMBER ONE THING:

 

have faith in yourself. thats the most important. Trust your body, brain, etc... you will not die to anxiety and DP. trust the universe and the world. try not to judge. Less ego=connection to the universe.

 

 

Honestly, spirituality was probly the biggest "factor" to me recovering to this point.

 

 

My suicidal thoughts are gone now :D

 

 

I could write a book about this, and maybe I will, but for now Im gonna go live life on mother earth and do my best to have faith in myself.

 

?faith=courage? IDK.  

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