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Mood swing cycles


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I haven't seen this anywhere so far and I've probably read most of the threads on this forum by now.. Seekers of the world.


What I would like to discuss is a pattern of mood swings that I have noticed and it's usually a span of 15 days with three phases.


Lets start with the high days (3-4 days):


During this phase I feel high kind of all the time for no reason at all. I got a nervous tingly feeling in my stomach and a bit of a bodyhigh as well. I feel pretty damn good but it feels so strange because it feels so unjustified. Something in my brain is probably releasing tons of serotonin or dopamin. This usually starts off easy with a better mood and peaks on the 3rd or 4th day where I can walk around laughing for myself, feeling high as a kite. This happend once when I was at my psychologist and I told her I got this feeling right now and described it for her. It kind of felt like love. I obviously didn't tell her that though because it would probably make her more nervous. (I told her I sometimes find peoples faces weird and strange). She asked me if I thought she looked strange. :D

I had to try really hard not to leave the room with a giant smile on my face and an akward derealisation which I usually don't experience. I also tend to get very positive during this time.


The second phase, feeling OK. (around 7 days)


Feeling OK is a pretty numb state where things work out at an average level. I can do minor things without giving up and I do have some kind of hope. It's like that the high feeling just disapeared and I'm on a shitty afterglow where nothing is fun. Not too interesting.


The 3rd phase: Doomsday. (3-4 days):


I feel so empty inside that it seriously feels like satan himself is dragging me down into a void of nothing. I hate this lonely feeling of total emptiness. I even feel empty in the arms of my girl. At this point I give up everything and I hate myself; I hate the people around me. I despise everything and I feel like dying. This feeling usually strikes me early in the morning or really late at night. I usually just fall back asleep or go to bed because I really have bad thoughts when I'm in this phase,


Then suddenly I wake up, I got a little tingle in my stomach and got some great energy. I want to do stuff again. Starting to like things again. But I know it's just this mad cycle that keeps repeating. At first I just didn't analyse it too much but now after 4 months of HPPD this is a clear pattern for me. Keppra has helped with it, I feel a lot more balanced now so it's not as bad anymore but I find it quite interesting.

Can anyone relate to this, and what do you guys think is affecting me to feel super high and then totally dead? Something in my brain is being released a lot at the same time, and then it fades and fades and then there's no joy left at all. I know it's not about bad or good days, because I basicly to the same stuff. I relax and think, sometimes meet my girl. Sits behind a screen. Nothing worth mentioning here.


I know we got serotonin and dopamin right, but could there be something else?


Oh well, discuss it if you can relate to anything. I'm on 500 mg Keppra a day now and things are getting better. Slight improve in visuals.(5-10%). DP/DR has been improved a lot. Or maybe I'm just starting to hit the high phase right now. Because I haven't felt this good and as much as myself as I have tonight for months. On the other hand I'm always scared to slip back into the phase of darkness. I almost cried yesterday night. I can't cry but if I could I would probably done that yesterday. I also get speeded up during the high phases. So much energy that's coming back. 


Alright merry christmas guys,

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  • 1 month later...

I know this is an older post so a late reply but I experience plenty of mood swings since I was diagnosed. It's all part of your personality and anxiety. Surrounding yourself with happy things and doing things that make you happy really is the only way around the empty feeling. Your "3rd eye" makes you understand our lack of purpos as humans. I know exactly what you're experiencing brother.

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