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feeling really depressed


bpl4269
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I dont want to gripe about something we all have to cope with, but I have to get this off my chest. I know a lot of you guys probably have this wors e than me and I cant even fathom living life with my hppd any worse than it already is, but it really feels like im existing in my own personal hell. When I say existing, I mean it, because you sure cannot call this degenerate lifestyle living in any sense of the word. I feel like im living halfway between life and death. A purgatory if you will; where all emotion except utter despair ceases to exist. I guess you can blame that on the dp/dr. By far the worst part of my hppd. Because of dp I can no longer go out and have a good time with "friends" because any friends that I may have had have long since abandoned me. Now I go on facebook and watch all of my old friends live out their dreams and be successful, when Im simply stuck here living with parents I resent and working a dead end job. On top of that, it feels like Im getting dumber every day because of cognitive dysfunction and also because of the company I keep at my job. Even though I try so fucking hard to exercise every day, eat healthy and keep my head up, it seems like it backfires on me every time. I dont know what the hell Im supposed to do at this point. Im sick and fucking tired of being sick and tired. My only hope at this point is my appointment with dr abraham in a week. Honestly at this point I would happily trade an addiction to clonazepam for the suffering I currently endure day in and day out. Fuuuuuuuiuuuuccccckkkk, I would just be happy to die at this point. There is no chance of me finding a relationship in my condition. Women need someone to supplement their emotional needs and I feel as if I a incapable of even doing that. The question I need to ask myself is how am I supposed to help somebody else, when I cant even help myself. Alright. Feels good to get that out of my system. Sorry for my bitching.

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I gave up on the idea of being in any further relationships after my divorce. HPPD ruined my life and although she did her best, the grief eventually consumed us both. She called me the living dead. I'm not putting anyone else through my bullshit ever again.

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You took the words right out of my mouth.. I feel like that every other day or so. None of the supplements/noots have been helping significantly then?
Sorry to hear man.. I know it can be fucking hard. Just you know.. keep as positive as possible, and know that we're all working on finding a cure/treatment.
Can't be much longer now 'till one is found, or so I like to think. Some people (divided over several forums) are on to something with KOR antagonism; seems to be ace for DP. And afaik 90% of us say that if only the DP/DR/Anxiety/Depression/Brainfog was gone, we could live with the visuals.

Anyhow; good luck with your appointment!

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Yeah, the aniracetam sort of backfired on me and eventually made my visuals worse. Hopefully ill be back to baseline before too long. Shits pissing me off. My brain is so goddamn sensitive it seems like 99% of the things I try blow up in my face. Whatever. I guess ill just buckle down and ride it out until I feel moderately better or until my appt with dr abraham. Maybe then I can at least get some klonopin for occassional relief.

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Yeah, the aniracetam sort of backfired on me and eventually made my visuals worse. Hopefully ill be back to baseline before too long. Shits pissing me off. My brain is so goddamn sensitive it seems like 99% of the things I try blow up in my face. Whatever. I guess ill just buckle down and ride it out until I feel moderately better or until my appt with dr abraham. Maybe then I can at least get some klonopin for occassional relief.

 

See which antidepressants he would suggest for use with HPPD.

 

Depressed people without HPPD act like you are all the time, you're just channeling your depression towards your HPPD rather than something else.

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