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Calm me down?

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I can still make myself see everything in.. stopmotion kind of way. I feel that when I look at.. for example my hand. I don't look straight at it,

I look THROUGH it. I mean.. I see my hand.. I can't see through it like.. it is transparent or something.. I just.. focus.. farther away and look deeper. :c

Everything seems strange. And when I speak.. the words aren't.. synced to me.

They come out and everything is just.. weird. :C Not real.

When I eat.. sometimes everything feels like when I tripped.. The feeling doesn't.. belong to me.

It is.. Like.. When you breath in.. nitrous oxide or laughing gas as it's called. You feel feelings on your face.. But you don't feel.. like it is

you who.. control the feelings. :c

I am scared. I couldn't make myself feel this things as.. HARD (?) as I can do now.

Now.. I can develop a trip.. I know that I could if I tried.

And the more I speak about my DPDR, the.. more I feel it.

But I need someone to calm me down.

I am afraid. Afraid of getting a psychosis.

Afraid that I blew my last chance.


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passion------it's not that bad------worst case scenario, you are totally bad-sht. I have been sick now for 4 days with a 102 temp; i have had visual stuff for 15 years, and 2 "psychotic breaks". ------Its not that bad.

Just don't do it anymore. Weed will hang out in your system for like 30 days or so. ------Just stay away from anything that is negative (short-term or long-term) [ex- negative people, drugs, critics, etc.]

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I am okay with my visuals.. They are something that I can live witj.

It's the feeling of being high all the time.. Being apart from the real world that is scary.

I hope it will get better as the last time. I hope that I will feel normal again. Relaxed and normal.

Already bought all the vitamins that helped me last time.

I hope I will make it.

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I think that my HPPD got worse too.. now when I think about it. It probably did. :c

But the feelings of DPDR are brootal.. much more worse than before. :c Now I have the thought:

- What if I am in coma and this is a dream? :c

But I know that it's not true. But the feelings are horrible.. When I speak I sometimes.. very often..

think about what I am saying.. and realize how strange everything is. That the voice comes out of itself.

:c Can't really explain.

Gah.. :c So scared.

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I feel really detached to0 Passion------sometimes i see my hands typing in front of me and they look like two pieces of meat and i barely understand how i am forming full sentences. And in some ways, my hands might as well be 2 stumps bashing out words, one letter at a time. ........I feel like i get not-enough O2 but too much O2 at the same time-----like the air is helium or nitrous. I feel like my head wants to implode; and make my eyes one, like a cyclops. I just feel......well......"blazed"

I have a head cold now but dr/dp dissociation has always been like a head cold with terrible agitation, anxiety, and cognitive impairment.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Passion- I really feel for you. Three years ago I could've been writing those same words. I went through a vitamin phase as well. Even though the didn't seem to help all that much, some part of my head believed that the would and I think sending that signal to my brain that I was doing what I could to help prevent myself from feeling like a total wreck helped somewhat. It gets easier as time goes by, I promise. As far as reattaching your soul with your body, connecting mind and body, however you want to put it.. you still have memories. You're going through all of these literally seemingly unreal things right now. But you do have memories of when things did feel real, when you did still feel a part of the world. Think about those memories, your brain and body still remembers how to do them. Think about the things you enjoyed before, and try to reconnect with those parts, almost in a restoring-motor-function-sorta-way. But right now you need to stay away from any stimulating drug, it'll only make things worse or just as bad again and again. You're crying out for some relief from the horrible feelings you're experiencing, and you have memory of hash and all being something that helped with certain issues in the past. But you need to connect yourself to the fact that it's not something that can help you now. And I'm not sure if my way of dealing with things is what other people would find acceptable or help-worthy, but these are some of the things that started me off on getting me to where I am now. And if anyone disagrees or wants to add anything in on this, please do so. I'm always all ears.

MG- Damn, I know how you feel with the salty and sugar foods. Really gets the heart pumping. hah Combination of eating the wrong types of food and then doing something like smoking herb was enough to send me full blast into a thinking-you're-gonna-die attack. Heart was going a hundred miles a minute. Something I noticed that helps with that is to go for a drive. I had my brother drive me around for the longest time, even though he doesn't understand the need for some of these things and thinks it's a pain in the ass to help me through what he doesn't understand - which doesn't help.. but the drive helped to keep my senses engaged enough on other things to repair, or something of the sort. But, yeah. Eating good food helps a metric fuckton.

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  • 6 months later...

Stimulatingdistraction, damn. I am so sorry for such a late answer. Just saw your message. :c Such a slowpoke I am.
I don't hang here so often anymore because I try to keep myself away from everything hppd/dpdr related. I come back 
rarely in periods just to feel that I am not alone. Today is one of those days. Hahah. The thing about the memories.. They 

feel kind of foggy and distant to me. I mean memories from before the "bad trip". At this point in my life, almost a year after 
my trip, I don't remember how my life was before. :c I don't remember how it feels and how "normal" people see life. 

Damn, I read through the whole post and wow. I am so thankful for peoples replys. They calmed me down. I sound terrified :c Hahah.. I definitely 
overanalyzed every little thing that I did at that state. I hope that I will never go through that again.. but.. yeah. You never know. 
If I think about it, it does feels weird to eat. But I just don't want to.. overanalyze the feeling. Then I get really deattached. :c 


Just wondering.. when you drink water and overanalyze it, does it feels like you drink OIL? I feel it. And it sucks.. 
Water feels extremely thick and I just want to throw up because it reminds me of like.. castor oil. :C 

AND.. one more question.. when you people cry, do you sometimes get like chocked and "What the hell is this shit? Why am I crying?" and get 
a warm breeze all over your body? ;o The feeling of being surprised that you actually are lying there and crying? .____. Can't really explain. 

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  • 2 years later...

Passion, I was in literally the same state u are in 14 hours ago.

Ur body releases adrenaline to the point where it feels unreal. Anxiety.

Just know that reality is what u make it.

Practicing relaxation breathing/yoga/meditation every day , you'll learn how to calm yourself down more.

When u get scared, ur body may not wanna eat. But doing so is vital.

I wish that I had time to post more but I have to get some sleep since I'm sleep deprived from quitting pot. Sleep deprivation definitely makes it worse a shit ton.

Caffeine free green tea helps me personally, I poured like 5 cups today. But most of all, probly excersize is the best. Releases endorphines whic calm. Plus the increase in dopamine makes an hppd'er feel more real

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  • 2 years later...
  • 2 years later...
12 hours ago, Passion said:

I still wonder the same thing years later ^
So please let me know how I can read the original post I posted. 

Not sure how you can view the original post, but I'm curious. How long did it take for the feeling of derealization to go away for you, or at least alleviate? Currently experiencing the same feelings lately.

Edited by Kalo
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