Just an Introduction

[Davidirl]

Hello everyone.

My name is David, I'm 20 years old and I still go to school.

When I turned 17 I started to use weed, I never really had problems with it except that I used it too much when I turned 18.

When I turned 19 I started to experiment with other drugs.

Just because I am a person that is really curious, I really like to try new drugs etc.

So I did my first time Magic Mushrooms.

It was really nice so I wanted to try them more.

I never did them alone because I had a friend who also loves to experiment with drugs so we always did them together.

The first 3 times we did it nothing went wrong until the 4th time, I got a bad trip that time.

This trip didn't change anything I was still the same person except I stopped playing WoW because I felt the game was wasting my time, so that was a good thing.

The only thing that really changed was when I was doing mushrooms or weed again, I felt more anxious when I did it I was scared to get a bad trip again.

This really influenced my trips, but the trips also had there ups so I was willing to take the downs from the trips.

I remember that I was looking at the sky one day in that period of my life and I saw the sky like snowing (the classic HPPD snow) but I didn't cared about it and I didn't really thought it was strange or different, so I guess my HPPD started around at that time.

So we wanted to try something else, we got some speed and tried it.

We really got some crap so we threw it away.

(BTW: at this time I didn't smoke weed anymore)

So later we got some good stuff and it was amazing.

We started to use it every week.

and after a month we started to combine it with loads of alcohol (atleast I did).

Also we did XTC at that time we also did this like 3 times (small doses).

We didn't do XTC that much because we didn't really like it (I think we had bad pills but I'm 100% sure)

After this period of abuse I started to get problems.

I started to feel lightheaded and I noticed my HPPD now.

so I decieded to have a break but I couldn't stop drinking because this stopped all my issues.

So in a while I started to drink like almost everyday, it started with 3 beers a day and then it was a like 8 beers aday because it took more and more beer to make me feel good again.

So it was new years eve and I got some real MDMA (I tested it) so I decieded to use it.

It was amazing and after it all my problems were gone for a week I felt normal again.

But then I started to drink in the weekend and the next day all my problems were back again so I started to drink again.

I realized that I had to stop because I was only making it worser so I stopped using everything.

I only kept smoking (Tabacco) because I didn't want to lose all yet.

So from that time I went through 2 weeks of hell, my HPPD was insanely intens (at that time I didn't even know it was HPPD).

I thought that I was getting alcohol whidrawel symptoms.

But the symptoms weren't dissapearing so I thought I was going out of my mind (like getting into a psychosis).

At this point of time my symptoms are less intens, but still they are there and still I think I'm going crazy even though the docters told my I have no psychosis.

But atleast at this time I can tell myself that I don't have it but still it frightens me sometimes.

I found this forum and I liked some tips on it so I guessed it would be right to introduce myself because I would love to seek help here because the docters can't do shit and I would love to help other people because people who don't have it don't understand how shit this is to have but even though I know I shouldn't whine too much because I know there are people who have alot worser problem than me and they didn't even do drugs.

So I also see it as my own fault I mean I should not have continued using drugs when I started to feel lightheaded but I did.

But theres nothing to do about that now.

Thanks for Reading:)

[cs1234]

HPPD really sucks dude. How long have you had it anyways? Its great that you stopped drug use and it sounds like your symptoms are improving so that's good.

[Davidirl]

Yeah it really sucks but yeah the only thing you can do is accept it.

I almost have it for a year now.

It's just a waiting game I guess since you do notice improvements every month (atleast for me it feels like that).

[ferret]

I get that fear of insanity a lot too. I have some fucked up hypnagogic hallucinations that realy make me feel like I'm going crazy but I don't think that I am.

[Davidirl]

Yeah, that fear of going insane really sucks but I have to say I lost it after coming to this forum because I now know for 100% that I have HPPD and DP/DR.