mgrade Posted July 10, 2012 Report Share Posted July 10, 2012 Hey Guys, That's how is goes with this thing.......I've kinda reached a new better stage with the HP thing......My visuals and anxiety are tailing off but........I look like shit, I feel like i've been through a 6 month teeth-grinding ordeal, i haven't been eating well the last few months, and for some reason feel like i have the testosterone level of a 85 year old woman. lol It's weird though one day you may feel OK and the next day, you feel like sht........But I can say that while I feel the brain-chemical-based depression going away, the external things that make you depressed are starting to kick in. I have not done much for the last half-year. I was unable to work. My muscles are weak and sore. And I am getting kind of fat. I have accomplished little in my life and my family shares the same view. I've spent most of my life studying and studying and studying and studying in hopes that I can keep up with the perceived loss in cognitive ability, creativity, basic executive functions, wellbeing and soul. It's almost like quicksand but i have forced myself to create new networks in my brain. I started my life very adept at math; I am forced to develop my skills in the doldrums of semantics, since a great deal of my creative math skills have left me. I look in the mirror and I don't see my face melting, but I do see a man grasping onto a thread: a man-child. I think it's like that movie Carlito's Way; at the end it was all supposed to work out .......well you gotta see the movie to understand what I am saying. I understand that a lot of people here are quite young and in there early 20s or so. Sometime I think that you reach a point in your life where your brain is like a stiff wire: you keep bending it back and forth, trying to adapt, and eventually the wire wants to break. Many good and smart people have lost their chances because of bad luck, drugs and life in general. Life can beat you down, and sometimes people definitely do not have your best interests in mind. I wish I just knew some truths on this earth before I go on to bigger and better things. There are tons of truths, I'm sure, that may reveal light and some conspiracies across the world of which we may never know. I just feel lucky enough to keep my nose clean for now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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