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fear to acceptance (again)


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hey everyone, at the back end of last year my symptoms started to get worse after almost 9 years of stable hppd, it began after a routinely night of drinking with friends. at the end of the night i shared a joint and the next day everything was amped up more than the usual effects of only alcohol (which always returned to baseline the day after the hangover)

my symptoms have gone from static, cell like floaters, trails and occasional afterimages.....

to a whole array of visual disturbances that invade my vision and seem to be changing frequently.

it's been a hard year so far but i have noticed some great improvements with striving towards minimising stress/anxiety/fatigue as when they are low is when i feel the most in control of this condition

to do this i looked at my life as a whole and asked myself where i could make improvements, basically anything that could increase my sense of self and help me regain confidence. everyones case is different but heres a list of some of the things that've helped me;

exercise - running, cycling, yoga, pilates, and resistance are my chosen types right now

clean diet - wholegrains, fruit, veg, oily fish, nuts etc

smaller meal portions - i find this quite difficult

avoid simple sugars a lot of the time

sleep and rest - i like 6 to 8 hrs on a night and if possible a 30 min snooze at some point during the day

work - having a job gives a great sense of self and if you don't like your job strive to find a better one. changing from a job

where i worked with a lot of intense ignorant people to a job with warmer smarter people has made a big difference to my morale

living - if where you live grates your gears look for somewhere that is more suitable, even a little change like having an approachable coperative landlord helped me

travel, see your coutry/the world - i learned to drive with hppd and only just bought a car (6 years later and feel safe and alert benhind the wheel) and spend most weekends in the outdoors


i quit smoking to feel healthier and have more energy

i have also stopped drinking alcohol and caffeine - these two are without a doubt the hardest for me as i believe staying social is key to remaining functional and pre december it always helped me forget about hppd for a little while. 6 months ago i would've wondered what was the matter with someone who didn't drink beer or tea but since my symptoms have worsened even a couple of beers spikes visuals and anxiety and makes me feel disconnected the followong day and the day after that. i still socialise and enjoy it best after exercise when my anxiety is reduced and mood lifted

sorry this is turning into an exhaustive list but i just wanted to put it out there and offer reassurance to anyone struggling with this difficult conditon that you can feel good and live a good life, it just takes time, a little bit of trial and error and a lot of discipline -remain hopeful

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My symptoms got way worse after smoking weed and drinking at the same time. I did that twice and it changed my symptoms dramatically. Before I had a tiny bit of static, but I could drink to ill puked with no ill effect. After, it causes all sorts of problems. Its a really strange thing.

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My Hppd stated two nights after smoking and drinking and one night after just drinking, but those were the only two nights that I had done any drugs in the three weeks since the shroom trip..

Did you smoke weed other times when you had hppd and if so how did it effect you. I really want to be able to drink but don't twant to fuck my life up.

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Yeah, I would have like trips when I smoked. But I kept forcing myself to smoke, and I figured I just needed to build tolerance. Sometimes it was alright, but most of the time I was an anxiety ridden headcase. So I went on a trip, and everything was good. I think since I stopped suddenly smoking for two weeks it cleared things up a bit. I was very relaxed, everything was great. Came back, got into the same old habit's. After one night of drinking and smoking it got really bad. And now its here to stay! Drinking definitely makes it worse, I would be very careful if I were you. One night, after 4 or 5 beers, and few shots it permanently worsened my HPPD and added starbursting to my list of symptoms just for the fuck of it. Literally no starbursting one day, got drunk, starbursting the next day. And that night I hadnt smoked anything.

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  • 2 weeks later...

when i first got hppd i didn't want to accept it and continued for the best part of a year going out and partying on mainly alcohol and pills, smoking weed (though nowhere near as frequently as it very rarely now had a positive effect) - eventually i decided to only drink alcohol which at the time seemed like a massive lifetyle change in itself and over the next 7 years or so i drank every weekend socially but nearly always to excess and smoked maybe handful of times when a few drinks had weakened my resolve.

i wasn't sure if alcohol was permanently doing any harm and im still not sure as things started getting way worse when weed had been involved too but since my symptoms have got worse i decided to take 3 months off alcohol and caffeine and then drank 2 beers. the day after my starbursts got a lot worse so i can't help but think that that wouldn't have happened if i didn't drink those two beers.

in the first 8 n a half years of having this i probably googled for it (after realising it was probably here to stay) about a handful of times. i think there will be a lot of people living with it like this and just getting on with it which i think is good in many ways because being on here and the more you read the more you think which can be a vicious circle but i think if you've caught it early on and treat it with more respect than i did which this site can definately help to do then i reckon with a little effort it can be crontrolled with diet, sleep and exercise, alcohol i only wish i didn't drink as excessively, i think if your condition is stable then a few drinks to keep social would have more positive than negative effects (only my opinion of course).

one thing is for definate this is soemthing that has to be controlled as if its not itll control us so whenver i hear myself say 'what if i can't' i go and do it and this nearly always has a positive outcome

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