Buddikaman82

When i was 17 as a freshman in High School i dabbled a bit in drugs. At the time LSD was pretty popular so i took it a few times. One of those times i had a very `bad trip` where i lost my sence of self and became detatched from reality. I woke up the next day and felt like i was still on the drugs. Weeks past and i still could not shake the feeling. My best friends did not know who i was anymore, and i was hallucinating constantly (as in 24/7). I was very scared and confused, but did not know what to do so i just tried my best to hide it. I ended up dropping out of high school and became a hermit. I did nothing but play video games and smoke pot as a way to self medicate my LSD like symptoms. This went on for years. At age 21 i finnaly hit rock bottom and went to see a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with Depression, Social Anxiety, Depersonalization, Derealization, and HPPD(Hallucagenic Perception Persistant Disorder). Everything was treatable but the HPPD, which currently there is no cure, and most doctors do not even know what it is. I began taking medications. None of them worked. I took over 12 different kinds of medicines. None of them gave me much releif. I was than diagnosed with Treatment Resistant Depression and my doctor basically told me he doesnt know what else to do. At age 24 i began making a huge effort to change. I started a new job, i worked out 6 days a week, i got in amazing shape, i went from 265 pounds to 180 in less than 6 months. I got a girlfriend. I started college. In the end though, i still felt absolutely depressed, and still Hallucinated constantly. It was a band aid over a flesh wound. Eventually i decided to join the military. Sadly in Boot Camp (Marines) the stress and anxiety became so overwelming i started to freak out. Especially Visually. My LSD HPPD symptoms were out of control. I could not even think straight, and felt like i was about to break down any minute. I had to get out. So i told the med staff i lied on my application and in fact had a variety of mental disorders. I was dismissed and sent home. I was age 25 and my life began crashing around me(again). After Boot Camp i was destroyed. I had no self confidence, no self esteem, no motivation to do anything. I did nothing for an entire year but contemplate where i was going next. Eventually I decided to persue a career as a 3D Artist making video games. I moved out of my parents(again) and started going to college(again). I did really good at being an artist and my teacher had high hopes. Sadly, the depression, anxiety, and HPPD were a constant weight on my shoulders. I could not hold a job. All the years of isolation and lack of social experience destroyed me at work. I could not relate to people and prefered to be by myself. This caused me extreme discomfort and i knew if i did not get it handled any hopes at a `career` job would be over. I did not get it handled. I got a job at a big game studio working on Star Wars. I was depressed and anxious. I started to rub people the wrong way at work, and started to isolate myself again, and a few months later i got fired. I have had over 10-15 jobs through out my life and have either been fired or quit from every single one. I just cannot function. I have been living with my parents for the past 2-3 years and my life is a wreck. No matter what i do, or what i try to do to better my situation, i have this lingering feeling of depression and hopelessness. I had a interview with a major game studio in california and am currently assigned to do an art test. If i pass the art test i get the job. I have 10 days to complete it and for the past 2 days i have not touched it. I just KNOW that if i get the job, move all the way to california, my depression, anxiety, and hallucinations will sabatoge whatever i do. I will get fired, and be left with an apartment lease and a vehicle with no way to pay for it. So i figure, why even try? For the first time ever i have been contemplating suicide. I know for a fact i do not want to live. At this point i cannot realistically hope for my symptoms of depression and anxiety to suddenly `go away` and especially not my HPPD, which is permanent and life altering. Sadly, i do not have the balls to **** myself. Atleast not right now. I figure if things do not improve within the next 5 years i will have no choice. All my dreams have been crushed. My life has been a living hell since i took that hit of LSD 13 years ago. Im not really sure what to do about it anymore. It seems like every time i try to better my situation, i get thrown to the ground and trampled on. No medication has worked. I sleep till 4pm. I have no motivation. I am a ******* vegetable. This world is not made for people with disabilitys. If you are not 100% healthy you are no use to anyone. For now i have the support of my parents, but what will happen when they are not here to help me? I will be destroyed, utterly and completely.

Man UK doctors sound even worst than US doctors from what ive read here. I feel sorry for you british folk.

Fuck it man, its not like there is any medicines besides benzos that can really help with your HPPD. At this point I would just order some benzos (valium, xanax, klonopin) from the website Lucid listed on this forum and kiss these so called doctors off. Just be sure to not abuse them, obviously. Otherwise, if you have depression or anxiety, you dont really need to tell them about HPPD just focus on that alone, they will give you the wrong meds if you dont. You dont need there symphathy man. Psychiatrists especially are bad about giving a fuck. All they care about is giving you medicine and pushing you out the door. They do not want to hear your `problems`.

Yeah this is what im going through right now. I actually managed to convince my doctor i have HPPD, but he has no idea what it is really and has no experience treating it. That and he read a paper written by David Kozin on it in the harvord magazine by accident. Honestly your best bet is to go to a new doctor and lie. I have found that MOST doctors do not give a shit about there patients. The first doctor i went to nearly 10 years ago before i knew about HPPD and was struggling with anxiety and depression as well told me to man up and get a job. He than called my mom and told her that if i dont get a job within 2 weeks to kick me out of the house. Needless to say i did not go back. For my last doctor i told him i was diagnosed with this by 3 other doctors before him. I was never officially diagnosed, but KNOWING i have it, i feel no shame in lying about it to get him to beleive the disorder really exists. Otherwise he will thank i am psychotic and give me risperdol (which he tried to do anyways). Also what you should do is CALL the doctor before hand and ask if he is familiar with HPPD and explain that you HAVE been diagnosed with it but do not want to see a doctor that is not experienced enough to know what it is. If they say no he doesnt know chances are you DONT want to see him. Bottom line do not go in seeking there approval, come off confident that you KNOW you have it, and if he tries to convince you that its something else stand your ground.

I believe it's alot higher than 1% more like 10-20%. Alot of people get hppd and don't realize it. They see sparkly shit in the sky and just assume its from LSD use.

Jesus man, next time use paragraphs please, my eyes hurt just trying to make sence of that huge bubble of words. Risperdol i beleive is said to make HPPD symptoms WORST so you might want to let your doctor know that and get off of it ASAP. Yes you have HPPD, thats a shit load of drugs you did, but the fact you did all that LSD alone would give you the HPPD. It pisses me off these street drugs like LSD do not have a worst reputation than they do. Like you would think after 40 years of being used regulary by teenagers across the world people would know the drug will fry your brain. Society expects people to not use drugs but does not attach the consiquences to using them at all. I bet not even anti drug programs like DARE know about HPPD. If someone told me back in highschool hey man LSD can give you a disorder that makes you trip for life and its pretty common. I probably would have thought twice about doing it. Just think of all the people who have HPPD and do not even know what it is. The only thing you can do at this point is quit all drugs completely and avoid them like a cancer, which in reality they pretty much are. Your HPPD will probably never go away, mine hasnt, and its been 13 years. I fully expect to live with this nightmare to the day i die. Its the static vision that makes it worst. Focus on treating your symptoms like depression and anxiety, in many cases you should not even tell your doctor about your HPPD because they will give you stupid shit like Risperdol and make your symptoms worst.

Yes just use the site lucid linked or go to a doctor who doesn't suck. I'd suggest the former.

Ugh weight gain, that's a deal breaker. I bloated up like a balloon on celexa and trying to exercise but not loose weight was a depression in and of itself.

Acid is a bitch of a drug. Def do not fuck with it. These drugs will fry your brain and leave you to die a slow agonizing death. Drop them all and get a new hobby, you'll thank yourself years later.

Sounds like it could be mild hppd. I think LSD hppd is the strongest and these other drugs can cause it but maybe not as extreme? When I got hppd smoking weed made it way worst especially the paranoia it caused. Doing drugs is like playing Russian rolloute you never know when the bullet hits. My advice quit all drugs and try to live as healthy as you can. Hopefully it gets better.

Thanks for sharing. I've had this for 13 years and I'm definitely losing the battle. I'm trying to dig myself out of the hole I'm in but it's pretty fucking hard. What was the turning point for you? Also do you remember what lamictal did for you, I'm on it now 4 days in.. Also I have tried just about every anti depressant out there except for lexapro, can you elaborate on how it has helped you? What side effects it brings ect?

Hey can someone help me out here.. I am hoping to try either Lamictal or Sinemet for my HPPD, DP/DR, Depresion, and Anxiety issues. Can someone give me their opinion on which one of these might prove more effective in treating the above listed? Can they BOTH be taken together? I should also note i took Lamictal some time ago and for the first two weeks it worked great but suddenly pooped out on me one day and i never felt releif from it again... I have been in a slum the past 2 months so i need something to help break me out of it. Ever since i quit taking my last anti- depressant Celexa i have been really tired and agitated, staying up all night and waking up at 2-4pm in the afternoon. I just need something to help me out, can anyone recommend? Thanks!

Yo man, i honestly switched from klonopin to xanax because the klonopin made me feel real drowsy when coming down and my doc said xanax gets out of your system faster. I def take these benzos on a as needed basis which results in about 4 times a week 1mg at night only. I find if i take them during the day it just makes me lazy and tired. Im still not sure which one i like better though..

yup

So i wanted to say that I have been dealing with this since i was 17 (i am now 30) and over the past 5 years especially have tried alot of drugs to find releif from my HPPD, DP/DR, Depression, Anxiety, ect Im not going to list every drug here and my experience, honestly, because they are not worth writing about. I am currently not taking any medication except Xanax as a while back i got off my last anti- depressant Celexa. Sadly having tried a BUNCH of shit, none of these meds really helped. The ones that did i would feel minor releif for a few days or weeks and than they stopped working all together. The biggest of these was Lamictal. I remember taking Lamictal and there where days in the beginging where i felt absolutely great. I can specifcally remember feeling good, and thus my visuals decreased and i was able to function. Ahhh what a nice feeling..... Oddly enough, the buzz wore off completely the day i started a new job (i was unemployed) and all my old symptoms came back in force my first day of work. Needless to say, i lost the job shortly after, and eventually quit taking Lamictal to try something else. I am actually considering taking this med again. I am not sure what happened but god damnt, out of all the meds ive tried, its the only one that worked. Why would it just quit like that? Anyone else here have experience taking Lamictal? What did it do for you? Any reason why it would just poop out (when i needed it most!!!) ? Also, whats the deal with sinemet? Should i give this med a try, does it have properties similiar to Lamictal (dopamine) ? Thanks..

Dont listen to what anyone tells you, LSD (acid) is one of the worst drugs you can take, if not the VERY worst. Looking back I would honestly rather shoot Heroin into my balls than take Acid. Atleast Heroin does not make you freak out and hallucinate the rest of your life! I would rather die of an overdose than die slowly living a life of misery. Let this be a warning, stop drugs, they will fry your brain and make you stupid. You are 16 so you are still VERY young. Just wait untill you start getting into your 20's and enter the `real world`. If your brain is fried or you have lingering effects from drugs, how are you ever going to make it in this world? I am 30 years old and still live with my parents, my mental state is so fucked up i cannot even get a job or lead a normal life. All because i ignored those warning signs when i was your age. Let it be a lesson. Stop now.

Speaking of Lamictal. I have tried over 10 medications to treat my anxiety and depression and out of them all Lamictal had the most effect. It was great stuff for the first few weeks. Than one day, ironically enough, the same day i started a new job, the lamictal buzz was gone completely and never came back!!! So god damn frustrating.. and yes i lost the job shortly after.

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Hey guys, I am looking for a neurologist in the Houston, TX area who can help me out with some senemit or Namenda profiles. I have had HPPD for 12 years and have tried pretty much every medicine under the sun and still feel like utter shit. My biggest fear is spending what little money i have on a neurologist and getting the run around. Does anyone know of a doctor i can see who is familiar with HPPD? Any info is appreciated. Thanks.