i initially developed hppd a few months after haphazardly splitting an edible with a friend, one which neither of us knew what the hell was in it. to this day, neither of us know, honestly dont really want to know.
i want to say ive had it for almost 2 years now, with progress waning and waxing, seemimgly at random. ive stopped all drug useage, and i have cut out caffeine and alcohol as well. typically my hppd would just manifest as visual snow that would kind of upgrade to minor CEVs when it got a little late.
but some months ago, cant really recall how long by now, i had like a FLASHBACK flashback to how i felt when i was on that edible, kept me from sleeping, wanna say i was up like 27 hours that day.
since that happened, in my mind ive chalked that happening up to both a). being awake too long that day, and b). being a mixture of stressed, and generally mentally strained, although before that point i didnt really feel like sleep was THAT influential on it.
nowadays, i feel like i can only stay awake about 15-16 hours at a time (with 12 of those outside the bed max), without becoming stressed, dizzy, and mainly just worried im going to have another experience like that, and some nights i really feel like i come a little close. i genuinely cannot tell if i am actually needing to sleep that much to keep it from happening, or if ive just gaslit myself so hard into thinking that, or some mix of both.
on top of this, long story short, im homeless staying with a close friend & their family who has enough money and generocity to support me, but being 19 with no money, no car, basically nothing in the U.S., i can't see a doctor about this which is the worst part.
so on top of having to live like that, im now so hyperfocused on how many hours i stay awake, its making an already difficult job search much fucking harder, considering some days i wake up at 11pm since its impossible to be awake for such a short day without having my sleep schedule fall back.
should my sleep schedule really be affecting my hppd this much? what the hell do i do since i cant see a doctor? is there literally any hope left?
