Shadowplay

Mainly all my problems are lifted after 4-5 beers. And it gets dark, visuals dissapear. DP/DR drops completly. It's probably because you don't care anymore and just have a good time.

The only pain is the anxiety and sickness with restless arms the following three days. So if it's worth it being a prince for a night, maybe, sometime. I don't need it. But I'm living in a swedish society where our culture almost is entitled to drinking when socializing. Can it make things worse? I doubt it. Maybe if your an alcoholic, sure that would be bad for psychological issues. Can it impair vision? That's highly unlikely.

I dreamt that there was evidence on the table that having HPPD for a long time would affect your brain into some kind of cancerous state. And these guys like if everyone knew what HPPD was, was asking me: "What!? Didn't you know that?, It eats your brain over the decades that will pass". I also became bold. So now I've faced my worst fears in my dreams, I can continue to live my life without expecting the worst.

Temazepam and sinemet.

I'm sorry but how would Sinemet which is almost the same as pure dopamine help you with your sleep? Maybe I'm missing something out here.

What's about your spine? Do you really think that it has anything to do with HPPD or do you refer to psychic recovery?

I used to trip everyday until I got Keppra. Sober but, yeah still tripping. I will probably always trip drugfree from now on. Levetiracetam takes the edge of it though.

So you are saying that there are individuals with both schizophrenia and HPPD? Then I'm not going to whine no more.

The Mandelbrot Fractal:

I never really had a bad trip. But I had really strong ones. Like that I was sensitive to hallucinogens. I've experienced DMT-like trips on shrooms only. And been traveling through space and time where sense of my body has completly disolved. And that was kind of standard dosages. Thing is almost everyone that uses these drugs have mental issues in the first place. So it doesnt have to be a direct link either. 99,9% of people with weird mental illnesses trips just fine without getting HPPD.

What an unempathic girlfriend. Well then you didn't miss something out atleast.. I wouldn't want that anyways. My girlfriend has been really supportive but now she's in another town now and doesn't seem to care too much about my problems anymore. As I've said I'm not depressed anymore so I guess she knows that I'll be alright. I'm glad that you see some effects from the Gabapentin. Does it help with any visuals? I did also got HPPD from these spanish crystals called MDMA so we might have the same thing. Use the lonliness to clear things out. Dig deep into yourself, forgive yourself, bring up old memories, think a lot about your life and what goals you might have. Who are you in 10 years? 20 years? Life is long man. No need to give in hope for such a brief moment. The pain will be relieved in time. As long as you keep your mind clear and try to be a little optimistic even though it can be very tough and almost denial to be sometimes. But please try!

I felt the same few months ago. Now DP/DR is reduced with 70-80% and I'm getting better everyday. I would call my visuals severe, I have them with me every awake second in my life. But the depression has lifted and anxiety has been reduced a lot which is important. You have to try to socialize and get back to the society again. Keppra has helped me a lot, atleast that's what I believe because things has changed for the better. The high days and the dreadful days are now gone. During the dreadful days I felt like dying all the time, it was the worst feeling I ever experienced, and that's gone now. That's what made me suicidal too, but now I know that I will fight this demon until life is taken from me, but I won't be the one to finish it, I will beat it. Go see a psychologist, go see doctors, go see friends, hit on some chicks, just to keep yourself social and things will eventually clear up. Good luck man, I believe in you.

I love this video and the song as well. Check it out

The most important thing is to get out of the depression. As long as you are depressed, then yes, you are unlucky. Whatever illness or sickness you may have, if you place yourself in a good enviroment with a healthy lifestyle and have people around yourself that you like you can still live a happy life no matter what.

I was bound in a very carismatic Christian movement. I still believe but dropped that part. Trying drugs that got me in to this was something of breaking free. I liked the stands at tge local sport venue.

Sadly, my dreams were never fulfilled. I started to dream about packing a bag in my early 20's and just leave for asia. Dreaming about discovering all the flavours of the world. Working with something creativity.

So a part of the mental trauma has been that i an still in a state of never broken free from my parents, a feeling that i am not were i was supposed to be. Money and career never bothered me.

I am at a point today were i am a lot better with my meds and have studied music and still is. I feel ready to start travel. When i got this i couldnt dit on a domestic bus for 30 minutes without freaking out. Now i feel ok at times to take a flight for five hours without "backup".

My goal this year is to do a trip to the U.S, India or Japan. I am also gonna finish my studies and try to make something out of it. Dreams are worth waiting for.

Japan sounds fun! Lets go on a HPPD team-building

You should put MDMA there. LSD made it stronger.

Had a job at Google. Living in Spain with my girl. I was skateboarding a lot. Had lots of friends. Sold drugs. Money wasn't a problem. My life is still fun sometimes, but in a different way. My life has changed for the worst, but I still appreciate life and what it has to give. Never give in to the depression. It's a state of mind that can become chronic if you don't fight it any more.

Had a few friends who died of this combo in their sleep. That's why I wouldn't recommend it. Tried it once when I had some Ativan (0,5 mg used) and didn't like it, it increased the DP/DR and was just a bad drinking experience after 4-5 beers.

Sounds like anxiety to me. I get restless legs sometimes too but don't stress it. Drink fresh green tea, eat magnesium citrate, exercise a few hours before bedtime. Have sex. Worst case drink a beer or pop a pill.

I live in Sweden. Looking for a doctor who knows what this is and don't just dismiss it as stress. Now on my 4th year with hppd and no doctor id taking me for real.

I got serious help after 3-4 months of bad HPPD. What have you done so far? Make sure that you do a sleep-EEG or QEEG, PET-scan [¹⁸F]-FDG PET preferably. When the doctors see your abnormal spikes they will take it more serious. In Sweden you have all the right in the world to proceed with medical care until you got a diagnosis or the best treatable way for your illness. But you might have to fight for it and go through a lot of ignorant doctors. I wouldn't advise bringing up the fact that you took drugs and now got this problem. That will unfortunately not help in your situation.

I've had about the same situation like you. My older sister had a lot of drug issues, addictive to all different kind of stuff. I was never a heavy drug user but only liked fun drugs for recreational use. I never had to run away from anything but I liked the extra fun and the experiments of the mind. I always got support but I think they saw me like the strong and secure guy as I've always been quite succesful with the things I've done. But things has changed and now I'm the victim that needs help. Then it fucking annoys me that my sister is coming back when I need as much as support as possible to rant about her issues: I've always been so supportive to her, and the whole family has, but she just can't move on and if she'd be in my place she would know about real suffering. I can't stand people complaining about things that they can control or improve. So I totally feel you, I'm at my parents at the moment too but I might move out and get help by the social services instead as it's breaking me apart even more to be isolated in a forrest now when DP/DR, anxiety and depression has been reduced a lot. I want to live again.

@onedayillsailagain Cool that you're into HC, I love comeback kid's old stuff.

Here's a good, layed back chill song

Another topic I'm curious about...  I've had this shit for 4 years now and have just told my parents.  Thought it would be a weight off my shoulders, which I guess in some ways it was, but I feel like my mom thinks I'm exaggerating just general anxiety.  My stepdad on the other hand, I think can sympathize a little more since he did a bunch of acid back in the day and knows people who've "changed" from it (both good and bad).  But I just don't think they get how much of a burden on your life HPPD really is.  Anyway, one good thing that came out of it is they're going to help out with the cost of seeing a neruologist and meds if I'm perscribed them.

 

Other than that (and doctors), I've told some close friends, but left out the part about DP/DR and that this shit majorly impacts my life.  One of my best friends has it, and in fact his visuals are much more pronounced than mine, but the lucky bastard doesn't have a hint of anixiety or DP/DR from it. 

 

I guess my main fear about being more open with friends is that they'll look at me as some sort of drug casualty, which in fact I am.  By not telling people, I felt as if I could more easily deny this fact to myself, but it is what it is and there's denying it anymore.  I do feel like I should be more open with a few close friends, so if I start acting strange and am thrown into a panic for no apparent reason, at least someone will somewhat understand and cover for me.  But another fear in telling even a few close friends is that word will get out in my larger circle and I'll be seen as the crazy dude who did way too many drugs... 

 

Do you guys have any particular positive / negative experiences from telling parents, friends, etc.. about your HPPD or do you hide it from everybody?

I'm pretty much open with everyone close to me to know that I got a perception disorder that comes with visual distortions and that I do feel mentally effected by it as well. There no need to clarify that I might have got these issues from drugs. What's that going to do for you? We are living in a judgemental society and I'm not lying about it, I'm just not going into unecessary details on what could have caused it. I got great support from friends and they are really understanding regarding my condition. I've mentioned sometime that it could been caused by migraines, headtrauma or drugs, which is true. But noone seems to be interested in the cause, they just want me to get better.

The social life is what's worth living for so it's important to be honest to those you love.

You can compare it to if anyone close to you get cancer. Your not gonna ask what it was induced from. Or if you get it and you have been smoking cigarettes for your whole life, you wouldn't drop it as nicotine-induced cancer. Or if you get diabetes, you wouldn't open up about sugar to everyone either. I don't believe in random numbers or bad luck. You get everything for a reason, caused by something else. We don't even know if it's HPPD or just drug-induced Visual Snow. We don't have to blame the drugs themselves.

What a great story! That's the way We are capable of doing anything it's just tougher, but probably more rewarding in the end. Same thing when I told some mates I'd go skate with them indoor, I was so afraid because the light would cause me such distress and I had just started Keppra and was a bit lost. Had really sick social phobia in the beginning but it lifted when I met my friends and then met a lot of new cool people and we had a great time all night long. Couldn't fall asleep though, I guess I was too excited or something from finally doing something active and fun after 2 months of isolation. I don't suffer from any social phobia any more since then. To overcome challanges will help us with the anxiety.

Oh really, so you had some great success with Lamictal, there are many reports on that. Maybe I'll try it some day. Wonder if I can combine it with Keppra. But why did you stop? Are the side-effects that negative?

Does it affect your emotions and personality in some kind of way?

Yes they came along with HPPD. I always had a wild imagination where I almost could project images if I wanted to previously but I think that's pretty common. CEV:s is definately a symptom, but I don't find them scary or disabiliting at all so I wouldn't say if you solely suffer from that you got HPPD. I think the criteria is to achieve atleast 3-4 severe symptoms that exists with HPPD for it to be legit according to the DSM-V.

Thanks for sharing your introduction, I haven't read that before. I'm happy for you that Lamictal worked, did it remove the trails permanently?

Keep on jammin! It's the best way to deal with this. Any kind of art When my HPPD started and the first months I could only play up to 5 minutes before my eyes was starting to scream from soreness. Now I can jam with friends and stuffs which is the best thing.

So HPPD can be fun? I remember 1 year ago, after drinking 4-5 beers during a period I started kind of tripping. This happend a few times.The room grew and got a more spacey feeling. I didn't mind and told my girl and some friends about it. They thought I was making it up or joking or something. I wish I'd checked it up. Didn't know by then that I would end up like this.