Hi everyone
I have recently reignited my search for answers after my last attempted about 18 years ago when I found out what this disorder was called, but not much else and to my surprise found this excellent site,
My name is Al, I am 39 and I have had hppd for just over 20 years, loooooong time,
For a two year period 17-18 year old, I took lsd trips from time to time and ecstasy at the weekend, during which time I developed hppd.
I realized at the end of this period that these after images and other visual disturbances where serious and not just due to a fuzzy head from smoking cannabis, and I stopped all drug taking , however I continued to drink alcohol moderately at the weekends.(this wasn’t really a choice if I wanted to remain socially active, as by now I had the obligatory anxiety that seems to go hand in hand with hppd ,and the alcohol allowed me freedom from this).After 6 months with no improvement I was sure I had done irreparable damage to my brain and imagined large areas were dead , there was no internet then and my imagination ran wild .
I was scared ashamed and depressed.(dark times)
I didn’t tell anyone for the first year or so, and then I told my GP who told me the after images would go in time and sent me on my way.
I felt better after this, it gave me hope and the depression lifted. So then I just waited, and waited and waited.
For anyone who has recently developed hppd I don’t want you to read this and believe that you’re definitely stuck with this for life, as it seems by reading other peoples stories that some are getting better, and the hope of a full recovery can help to keep depression at bay, however if after a few years with no improvement, I think maybe that acceptance is the key to dealing with this disorder , and realizing that if this thing doesn’t get better on its own, then it’s not the end of the world, you can still lead a normal life and just try to forget about it.
I’ve never told anyone about my hppd except the doctor at the beginning, I just put it to the back of my mind for years ,the less I can think about it the better .However recently I told my wife about it (seems weird I know, we don’t usually have secrets.) why now? I don’t know, maybe because I’ve had it for so long (I’ve actually had it for longer than I haven’t???)and I’m older, happier and felt that It was ok to purposefully think about my hppd again.
Anyway she made me go to the doctor who referred me to a neurologist who didn’t know what hppd was and told me I’d most probably damaged nerve fibers and sent me on my way.
It was this that prompted me to search the internet again for information and find this site. I find it fascinating reading through all the posts, hearing people’s stories and finding out about different treatments and learning about other related symptoms, ie DP/DR, sounds horrible!
Anyway that’s my story, nice to meet you all,
Al
