Syntheso

Good to hear. Positivity is also beneficial.

The best treatment possible, but often more difficult to obtain than even the most arcane meds!

I must say, for me, my visuals get worse in areas with trees/grass... putting it down to because that's where I use to trip most. Memories of grass turning into snakes and trees reaching out with medusa like tentacles.  The former was more unsettling for me at the time, latter, fascinating.

Reporting back.. I have gotten better at capping naps short, 20-30 mins. Indeed it seems to be bringing me out of the grog. Not as spaced out, but still spaced out, tension in the head, hard to concentrate. But much better than the hypersomniac days ! Onwards and upwards.

Why so hostile? It just seems unreasonable to assume there is a connection between 2 wildly different medical issues. If anything it could be caused or worsened by the stress and anxiety that comes with hppd but it seems unlikely that there would be a direct connection. Correlation does not equal causation and all that. Best advice is to go to a doctor.

Because, I have provided two (well, three) reasons to suggest why I think there might be a relationship. 1. HPPD as cerebral disinhibition, hyperactive state, PE as hypersexual state. 2. SSRI's used to treat HPPD, also used to treat PE. 3. Both of these things happened simultaneously for me. And also as reported there have been times where I was not anxious (I know what anxiety feels like) and I have still had problems, so I am not convinced it is an anxiety issue.

How can you be so sure that these are wildly different issues?

"Several physiological mechanisms have been hypothesized to contribute to causing premature ejaculation including serotonin receptors"

There are certainly things to suggest that there could be links. All I'm doing is inquiring, and asking for arguments.

I admit ignorance in what I am asking/hypothesising about, hence me asking here (that is the point). It is certainly unhelpful when I present a reasonable argument and someone just replies, patronisingly saying 'just relax man'. I was looking for a more analytical response from someone with a some scientific knowledge of brain chemistry, as I have seen many people display here. It is inspiring and commendable the research people have done individually. Not some pseudo-cool unhelpful response. If it was all just as easy as 'relaxing, man', would we all be bothering here trying to work out what the hell is going on in our lives? Have a bit of courtesy and empathy...

And of course I'm seeing a doctor...

I haven't read this thread fully but please be careful about supplements and medications that you take, researching things fully rather than going for something on a 'whim'. Us HPPDers can be extra-sensitive to things we put in our body. Additionally, you can very easily and quickly end up spending a lot of money without any end benefit. Try not to try too much at once as well. www.longecity.org/forum/ is a good site for beginner research purposes - but do remember that there are a lot of unqualified people on that website and as such there is a lot of speculation involved. But it is a good resource to start with.

 

Something that should be completely safe and cheap to try, however, is a vitamin-B complex. Also outside of supplements and meds other things to try are keeping a good routine and setting yourself realistic daily to-do lists. My initial HPPD-induced fatigue is mostly gone but I do have other problems that prevent me from getting stuff done. When I have things I need to do I find organisation and structure helps me out a lot (both pre and post HPPD).

Sound advice... thank you.

My view is that HPPD people tend to blame everything on HPPD when it is almost certainly nothing to do with it... just relax man.

I thought someone would make a brash/unthoughtful/patronising reply like that. I had meant to add an addendum saying 'it is easy to blame everything on HPPD, but it is worth thinking about how other arising conditions could be related'. I mean like I said, no problems before, suddenly after I develop a condition and someone else happens alongside. Both HPPD and PE come from dysfunctional brain chemistry so it's not farfetched to wonder if there is a connection, and I look forward to a response from someone who has a better knowledge of brain chemistry and can perhaps comes up with some reasoning to suggest that there could be some correlation or in fact not. But thanks man, I'll absorb your chilled vibes, watch The Big Lebowski, be a cool dude, that'll sort it all out, man.

So perhaps not related to HPPD etc. at all, but perhaps it could explain some of my woe..

Before I had HPPD, I used to be able to control downstairs pretty well. Afterwards it has become a nightmare... 

The obvious explanation would be anxiety.. there were occasions were I could certainly put down lack of control to anxiety, or at least as a contribution. But there have been times where I haven't been anxious at all, really relaxed, and still a nightmare situation. I know that there are many things that can cause PE, but I would say I have a severe case and I can't help but think it is more than just a lack of psychological control.

I have wondered..

Visual introduced the concept of cerebral disinhibition to me and HPPD as being a hyperactive state. A listed type of cerebral disinhibition is hypersexuality.. 

I also read someone talking about using SSRI's in another thread and they are often used to treat premature ejaculation. 

Do you think my PE could be linked with HPPD ?

Initially I thought my PE was unrelated, but I am now wondering if HPPD has something to do with it. Has anyone else found issues in this area, or am I alone ? 

S

Modafinil helps me with lethargy, but I rarely use it as it makes me anxious sometimes. Also seems to make math easier.

It helps me with motivation. Remember, always do your own pharmacological research and make choices based on your own findings

However, discuss it with your doctor first. IME they rarely like it when you start using novel medications unknown to them.

Get down the gym.... Sounds odd, but the more you work out, the more energy you seem to have.

Hmm it depends I guess. Just spaced-out in a different way. Haven't used it in a while so I can't really say.

One thing I did notice, is that Selegiline somehow made my guitarplaying better. But that's a long shot.

Besides, Selegiline has Amphetamine metabolites, one of the reasons I quit using it.

Modafinil helps me with lethargy, but I rarely use it as it makes me anxious sometimes...

 

Haven't tried Modafinil, but have tried Nuvigil - caused anxiety problems.

 

 

 

Lorazepam has been the most successful for me in such an instance.. having taken one after things get really bad, intense visuals etc. it has actually reduced visual symptoms to 0% for me at the peak of its effect. But visuals back the next day, a bit less, then gradually they get back up to normal

 

Have you tried Klonopin?  It seems clear that benzos help your HPPD a lot, which is the most common.

 

The fact that benzos have given me the ability to perform tasks that I couldn't get my mind together to do. Even for 3/4 days afterwards, less lethargic and spaced out, seems to support the concept that the brain is in hyperdrive but in 'neutral', wasting energy - "cerebral disinhibition".  So finding ways to quiet hyperactivity is key to resolving HPPD ... that and time and environment to heal.

 

 

Well I do have difficulty sleeping sometimes, as with many, visuals are pretty intense at night

 

Kind of like your CEVs are a night light that keeps you awake.  Is that the main thing?  or do you have too much thinking?  Anxiety?

 

I would like some more detail on naps. I've tried napping, but this is the thing, I find it really difficult to cap it at 15-30 mins. I go into a really hazy trance and it can take me 1-2 hours to revive myself. And when I get up I can be in a more exaggerated haze/spaced out/groggy zone than the usual. So it's a tough one.. I guess I have to get really good at getting up as soon as my alarm goes off.. but please provide some more insight if poss.

 

A couple things about naps. First my experience ... and a big mistake.  Always slept good 8-9 hours.  After injury, sleep a lot more and took naps.  Then a doctor suggested not napping.  So I did and then lost the ability to sleep at all which took a year (of hell) to get better, but not very good.  Later, 4 different docs familiar with brain injuries said it is vital to rest when the brain feels tired --- whoops, learned that the hard way.

 

The way napping helped me was that once I slipped into a dream then when waking up it literally 'reset' fatigue and cognition (but not visuals).  While not as good as when getting up in the morning, could start functioning again.  It took about 20 minutes.  It is best (for anyone) not to nap a long time (like an hour or more) because it will make you groggy for some time afterward.  You seem to be locked into 'grog'.

 

Another related problem has been that with cognitive problems the brain would freeze up, no longer could do the task, get confused, tired, and a headache if I pushed it.  Naps would reset this.  But also found I could do other tasks that didn't require the function that was jammed.  This increased daily productivity but also contributed to not being able to sleep.  It was better for the brain/body to nap when 'jammed'.  This is hard to balance because I hate to so unproductive.

 

Wonder if your Sometimes when I have underslept (2-6 hours) I have been able to function much better the next day. It's like I've tricked my mind out of HPPD termporarily just tires out the brain so it is too worn out to be hyperactive???

 

 

The second thing is to learn a little about the locus coeruleus.  These are a couple little blue dots that are 'switching stations' for brain 'modes'.  These don't choose 'modes' ... that is done in the executive center.  But like a huge bank of relays, 'modes' are facilitated. 

 

These spots are blue because they use 90% of the brains norepinepherine (NE).  The 3 major modes of attention are: off (sleep), attention (concentration/focus), and vigilance (alertness).  That is why they have DA + NE drugs (like Nuvigil) to treat narcolepsy.

 

Other 'modes' include our moods (happiness, sadness, rage, ect...).  This is behind the idea of treating emotion/mood disorders with SNRI meds which are both seratonin and NE, such as Effexor.

 

The relivance to HPPD is that the hyperactivity often pushes people into vigilance-mode, thus anxiety, attention and sleep problems.  Vigilance IS hypersenstivity which is hyperactive, pushing the amydgala and instictual responces from the ambient visual system.  This seems to explain the experience of jamming then resetting-with-sleep as the brain not being able to regulate self (even though there is evidence it tries) - again disinhibition.  It shows how the brain can make 'snow' and CEVs - trying to make something out of nothing.  "Idleness is the devil's tool" ... how about racing the engine in idle?

 

As a side point, members should read Oliver Sacks latest book, Hallucinations.  While not talking about HPPD, it will give a good understanding how our visual systems do such complex things.

 

 

Overall, looking at your posts, it would seem your fatigue/spaciness is just more of the typical stuff with HPPD of things not regulating properly ("cerebral disinhibition").  It is hard to say what to do, but there are these points, 1) Try to train the brain in healthy habits and 'processing'.  2) You get help with benzos so perhaps occational use can help your 'training'.  3) See if you can get a dopamine increasing med such as Sinemet to try - these sometimes provide fuel for 'regulation'.  4) Some report help with Keppra. 

 

So, while a bit condenced - - - gave you lots of homework, lol

Hehe my doctor wasn't particularly fond of that decision either. Also, do some intensive research on dosing. Sublingual doses equate to way higher bloodplasma levels than oral, and that might cause a cheese-reaction with wrong calculation. Personally, the whole remembering what you can't eat thing, just doesn't work when your cognition is muck. That's also part of the reason why I discontinued. Allthough there is a balance between MAO-B and MAO-A inhibition, dosage wise, I just hate to screw around with it.

I can't recall that well what it did for me. I didn't take it for more than a few days. I was in a particularly anxious phase at the time, and I just couldn't stand the constent "Maybe the amphetamine metabolites will throw me into a psychosis (I've had an amphetamine psychosis once before, worst experience of my life), or perhaps I'll eat some cheese and die" thoughts. However, after the first few days that somewhat subsided, and I remember sitting on the couch and being quite content with things. And somehow, I was able to focus more on playing guitar. Less derealization I suppose. I was more absorbed in what I was doing, came up with some random new tune, it flowed better, etc. It did nothing for the visual aspects though.

If you are interested in Selegiline, there is a newer (better) version. Rasagiline does not metabolize into either enantiomers of Amphetamine, and poses more neuroprotective potential.

Sadly it is also more expensive, about 150% of Selegiline's (Jumex) price. Partly the reason why I never gave it a shot.

 

Nuvigil has been reported to exhibit more anxiogenesis than Modafinil. Maybe one of these days I'll try Modafinil+Phenibut combo, see what that does. Armodafinil has been reported to be slightly "cleaner". Either way, if your anxiety-prone, you're gonna notice. I do remember just going through Khan Academy Math in light speed, and I felt great about it.

Also, when I'm feeling particularly spaced out, or my mind is stuck in gears, low-dose Phenibut does allow me to do a task that might otherwise be a mission.

Anyways, trying to stay on-topic here: in your off-time, do some research on nootropics, see what appeals to you. Depending on the severity of you issues, some might help with the lethargic headspace. *cranks the skull* Sulbutiamine is one I haven't tried myself, but I believe it is good as a shortterm treatment for lethargy.

Good luck

Hi guys, sorry for the delayed response... had a couple of serious hypersomniac / spaced out couple of days. Sleeping like 15 hours a day... urrggh!

I have ordered in some Modafinil, that should be here in a couple of weeks.. look forward to seeing how that goes.

I picked up something by Vitabiotics called 'Neurozan' advertised to promote cognitive function. It contains 5-HTP, Phosphatidylserine, L-Arginine, Ginkgo Biloba, Co-Q10.. I wonder if that will help at all. I also picked up some pure 5-HTP. I wonder if that will help. I used to always take it after MDMA and never (maybe once or twice) had comedowns.

I forgot to mention I've been on Citalopram for 3 weeks. GP handed it out without really thinking about it (she thought I was making shit up, classic). It doesn't seem to do much other than perhaps make me feel a bit less anxious (which it's meant to do). I am not sure the worth of taking it.

Visual - I haven't tried Klonopin, no. Still waiting for referrals to psychiatrist / neuro. 

Kind of like your CEVs are a night light that keeps you awake.  Is that the main thing?  or do you have too much thinking?  Anxiety? - Perhaps yes. It's hard to tell exactly what causes my (occasional) ability not to sleep (quite probably the sleeping in the day). Sometimes the CEVs remind me, when I turn the light off 'you have this condition, I wonder if you'll be able to sleep'... which can then lead to anxious thoughts going round and round, and the CEV's affecting the anxiety, back and forth, sort of.. Maybe, I'm not too sure...

Yes I am locked in a 'grog'. Napping doesn't seem to reset fatigue but perhaps that's because I find it difficult to revive myself after just say 10-30 mins. I'll have to get better and teach myself.

Thanks for all the detailed explanations. I will be plunging into researching and understanding the more technical explanations. Could you perhaps recommend a book that would be helpful in understanding brain chemistry and how the kinds of drugs/medications we are talking about affect our brain ? I will check out that book on Hallucinations.

onedayilsailagain - Thank you for pointing me to nootropics, I will definitely be trying some out :-)

Thanks all.

Some have difficulty sleeping ... so you are blessed on that one!!!

 

Whether HPPD is a "brain injury" or not (a topic often met with fear), sleeping a little extra is important for brain injuries.  Not so much a long night, but taking brief naps during the day.  Don't fight it.  Give yourself 8-9 hours at night and a couple 15 min naps during the day.  Have you tried naps?  I've made mistakes with this one and will relate in detail if you wish.  The goal isn't getting well instantly - cause that isn't going to happen with a couple naps - it is simply to rest the brain so it can 'heal'.

 

HPPD brains are hyperactive (or quaintly stated "Cerebral Disinhibition").  You mention you don't have much anxiety ... is that correct?

 

 

Attention/focus issues are common with HPPD.  For some its kind of like ADD/ADHD.  Dopamine increasing meds may help ... you don't know until you try.

 

It seems that the visuals you've reported elsewhere might respond best with Klonopin, which typically can make you spacier.  Ironicly, a little Klono or Gabapentin actually help me in this regard.  But at this point, how long have you been free of recreation drugs?  The whole 2 years?  If not, that is an obvious one.  Also limiting alcohol, which you've already done.

 

 

Is there anything that changes your fatigue?  Exercise?  Coffee (couldn't resist throwing that one in)?

Many thanks for your detailed response! Well I do have difficulty sleeping sometimes, as with many, visuals are pretty intense at night..

I would like some more detail on naps. I've tried napping, but this is the thing, I find it really difficult to cap it at 15-30 mins. I go into a really hazy trance and it can take me 1-2 hours to revive myself. And when I get up I can be in a more exaggerated haze/spaced out/groggy zone than the usual. So it's a tough one.. I guess I have to get really good at getting up as soon as my alarm goes off.. but please provide some more insight if poss.

I would say I have mild anxiety. I often feel a bit uncomfortable when talking to people, even friends, but I am usually fine on my own (I live alone). Occasionally I have anxious thoughts at bedtime which keep me awake, but I don't consider my anxiety to be a big issue.

I've been free of recreational drugs for the two years, except one MDMA slip up a couple of months ago (really bad idea, things had been getting quite good). I use various Benzo's when things get really bad, but not often... certainly more medicinal than recreational.

I usually feel particularly spaced out after exercise and it doesn't generally seem to improve the lethargy. Coffee sometimes lifts it in a sort of way, but in the past has made my visuals particularly intense. I have found that sometimes using a benzo when things get really bad have (despite the relaxing effect), have given me the ability to perform tasks that I couldn't get my mind together to do. Even for 3/4 days afterwards, less lethargic and spaced out. Lorazepam has been the most successful for me in such an instance.. having taken one after things get really bad, intense visuals etc. it has actually reduced visual symptoms to 0% for me at the peak of its effect. But visuals back the next day, a bit less, then gradually they get back up to normal. Obviously I don't really want to get into long term Benzo use though so I only use them on the really rainy days.

Sometimes when I have underslept (2-6 hours) I have been able to function much better the next day. It's like I've tricked my mind out of HPPD termporarily. A user reported similar things in another thread. But, someone responded, possibly you, reiterating the importance of sleep.. so I have kept to sleeping well, but it is certainly interesting...

Modafinil helps me with lethargy, but I rarely use it as it makes me anxious sometimes. Also seems to make math easier.

It helps me with motivation. Remember, always do your own pharmacological research and make choices based on your own findings

However, discuss it with your doctor first. IME they rarely like it when you start using novel medications unknown to them.

Okay, thanks. Never heard of Modafinil, of course will do my own research. Does it make you feel less spaced out like I was talking about? If it makes math easier sounds potentially promising as an aid to help my practice of music.

I've had HPPD for a couple of years but am only just beginning to take action with doctors (thought it would go away). The worst thing for me is feeling tired/lethargic all the bloody time, when trying to focus on a task not being able to concentrate, head feeling tense, spaced out etc (so I guess dp/dr are my real issues?). I feel like I am ready for a long sleep whenever, I find it quite a battle not to put my head down and fall asleep.. And yes, I make sure not to get too much or too little sleep at night (7-8 hours), I eat well, exercise etc. Any advice on not feeling spaced out all the time ? Meditation can make me feel more spaced out... I'm a musician and need to put in many hours practicing a day, and achieving 1-2 in a daze simply doesn't cut the mustard.

Cheers,
S

PS: Being referred to neuro + drugs specialist, but for the meantime? Every minute counts.

Interesting, I'm not sure I agree though. Correct me if I have missed something, but with this 'blue field entoptic' phenomenon, the white blood cells are an actual object (by this, I mean something distinct from hallucinatory/false objects, as contrasted to 'actual' objects if you like) of your perception, whereas my understanding of what's going on with HPPD is that we are perceiving false, hallucinatory objects, caused by a psychedelic disorder, not a visual one. In other words, I would say that with the 'blue field entoptic' phenomenon, something is being perceived that the eye can see (light traveling into our eyes), whereas the visual symptoms of HPPD don't seem to be caused by something external such as the capillaries in our eye (this sounds weird, because the capillaries of our eye seem internal, but by external I mean 'not in the brain'). So, I don't think HPPD is caused by a fault of our eyes. It's a fault of how our brain processes the contents of what the eyes transmit to it, related to psychedelic use. Not to mention, would this phenomenon explain closed eye visuals (is it possible to experience the phenomenon with your eyes closed)?

Hope I explained myself well.

So, generally my visual symptoms aren't that bad, unless I am tired or in oddly-lighted situations (more below)...

But I just had a cup of coffee, and damn, the dots on my wall are pulsing and other patterns in my perception too.

What's up with that? D'ya reckon a cup of coffee now and again could effect recovery in the long run? (Surely, hopefully not!)

Anyway, other than my visuals, everything seems to be going fine.. it's been 8 weeks since I had a drop of alcohol and longer since other substances.

Oh yeah-another thing- when you're somewhere with low/ambient/clubby lighting do you just get the maddest visuals? Someone's teeth started strobing at me the other day, and another's mildly bad skin made them look like a crazy zombie... everything goes completely bonkers in those situations, I get visuals like I'm tripping balls.. but luckily I don't seem to get any of these [anxious/panic] 'feelings' with them that other people get.. strange..

I can't tell if I have any of these other symptoms.. if I had them, moderately/averagely (not mildly, which I am sure I probably do), would I somewhat know for sure? Like when you get these anxious feelings/panic attacks, from your descriptions it sounds like they are pretty damn obvious. I don't have any incidents where these are obviously coming into play.. At most, I would say perhaps hppd has affected these areas, but not so much that I can say it is hppd causing it for sure. Some things I think, 'maybe that's just a part of my personality-how I act and feel in social situations'-not attributable and linked to my psychedelic use/these weird visuals I get. But then sometimes I think, well they must be.

It's hard to tell for me because I got HPPD at the same time as many social changes around me (joining uni etc.) - so it's hard to tell whether this is just me finding my feet or due to psychedelic use. I can't really remember what my personality was like before psychedelic use.. not as weird, for sure, but I can't tell how much substances are responsible for this or just my general interest in the weirder aspects of life, and indeed, embracing that kind of culture..

Musician, huh? What instruments do you play? I know what you mean, I have had to change all my friends and I am planning to move out of state and away from my hometown sometime in the next few months. It is good to hear that you are getting some support and feedback from this forum. I know I am... I was pretty much in panic attack mode when I joined up and made my first post. Just in the last week or so of being a member I have really gotten a lot of comfort. Maybe not as much hope as I would like, but I am trying to be realistic so I'm cool with it for now.

Oh yeah, there is no way to explain the K-hole... Just like there is no way to describe the taste of ketamine. It is some truly bizarre stuff. Good luck with the symptoms man! I hope things work out. It seems like you should have a good chance of things getting better. I can only speak for myself, so IDK... If your visuals are not too disruptive that is a good thing, a very good thing. Personally, some days I think the visuals are worse than the mental, and other days I feel otherwise.

I play sax :-) fundamentally into what you might call improvisation (not really tied to a genre (well, I hate labels anyway) but I suppose I mainly play jazz and I'm also in a 'post-punk' band). Let me know if you want to PM me my SoundCloud (don't want to post it here as it would tie me to my name!). I don't know about changing friends man, I think it takes more strength to go out with them and say no. Tonight, I went to the pub, my mates were drinking; I just didn't drink, as much as I would have liked to. I think it's important to completely cut it out too. I know that if I'd said to myself, 'one drink' it definitely would have been more than one. If your friends are good friends, they should respect you and not try and peer pressure you into anything. Mine have been fully supportive so far. I am sure you have friends that would support you as well. You might need them more than you think man. Esp. if you can't talk to your family (lucky for me, when mine realised the severity of my mental state a while back and I told them everything, despite lacking understanding in some areas (my dad thinks I was a 'drug addict' [wow] ), they have been supportive.

Sorry to hear about your case.. doesn't sound too good, but I am sure you will get through it man. Keep strong.

I think you've got to really be firm in your mind about these things. I learnt a lot about recognising my emotions when I used to do CBT. It's easy for me to say because I don't seen as prone to negative emotions as some of you have described, but it's really important to realise these emotions as soon as they come about and try and reason through your thoughts ASAP and just remember that you are only feeling this way because of the residual effects of substances you have taken.. in other words, that there is no reason to actually feel anxious.. from there try and bring yourself into a place of calm.. breathing exercises.. I find meditation helps a lot.. get along to a class if you can. I'm sure you've heard about all these things, but they work really well for me-so do give them a good chance. Also- music. That's the way to heal yourself man. Put on something your really dig and get lost in the sound. That's an experience no drug can take you to! Also, I have found that Valerian Root helps me get to sleep at night with no issues like my little 'acid flashback' the other week. Exercising as well.. takes your mind off things and gets your mind in better gear for repairing. Anything we can do to overcome this. What do you find works for you?

Wishing you all the best from London..

Thank you for your encouraging replies.

Yeah man, fatigue has been one of my most annoying symptoms, brought on when i got DPDR. If i sleep 10 hours, the fatigue is pretty bad and i feel very spaced out and i could stay in bed all day if i really wanted to. If i sleep say, 5 or 6, i feel less fatigued and more tired, know what i mean? That normal kind of tired, but i do find it easier to get out of bed, and i do function better, less detached etc. Optimum amount for me is 7 hours, though i rarely get em. I dont really have light sensitivity.

How long have you had this? And id never expect methoxetamine! Sounds sketch haha, isnt that the synthetic MDMA? BUt yeah man, you got the right idea, ive never had the sensation you describe while drinkin, but maybe it triggered a ket flashback like some people get from DXM? Like it just put you in that state. All in all, how many trips would you say youve had and how often did you trip?

Glad that you knew to stop man using man, i didnt when my symptoms were mild and now this is really intruding on my daily life.

It's good in a sense to hear someone else has been suffering from fatigue.. I've been worried there might be something else going on. At least this might suggest it is the HPPD which I'm already trying to sort out. Yeah I know exactly what you mean, that's exactly how I feel, exact same hours as well...

I've had this for around a year. Methoxetamine is a bit like K, but more preferable I'd say.. bloody amazing trip.. a really unique euphoria. Yeah you're thinking of Methylone, which I did have a few spells with. A more subtle, less speedy, euphoric MD. I've never heard of a ket flashback.. it could be indeed as I like I said, I did have a binge upcoming to it.. basically, I guess all the shit I fucked my mind up with came back to haunt me. I would estimate I've had 10-15 acid trips, 5/6 shroom trips, 10/12 MD trips, 2/3 methylone trips, 4/5 methoxetamine trips, 10 2c trips, 20 K trips, 1/2 salvia trips, 1/2 drone in the space of a year.. approximately + a few other substances I would figure. I was doing drugs several times weekly at the peak, I would say in the year I pretty much touched a substance most weeks, certainly if you include booze.. I kept all my tripping in a diary so I could find out. Also, I was always into tripping hard. I always wanted the intensity.. I used to sleep very little as well as you can imagine, so my mind didn't get a lot of chance to rest

Well, there's a time when you have to call it a day, especially when you hear what it can do.. it's a shame, because it was something in my life I really enjoyed and did help me in many ways.

I'm glad you are trying to stay clean! I hate to sound like a broken record, but it is cornerstone to recovering and healing, not only from HPPD, but for many different psychological disorders. It is good to see someone realizing the warning signs and taking them seriously. I wish I would have stopped when I got my warning signs... I didn't and now I have a quite severe case. I hope you keep this mentality, you sound like you are on the right track. Just try not to forget the humility and whatnot. As far as light sensitivity, this is a major symptom for me.

Do things appear bright under artificial lighting? Like colors? How long have you been clean? It sounds like a hopeful case to me, so be thankful your visuals aren't to the point where they interfere with everyday life... I am happy for you, it is a blessing not to have gotten the mental issues that a lot of us have, me included. Back to the light sensitivity subject, do you get headaches? For me, apart from fatigue and visual strain, headaches are a major issue in respect to light sensitivity. Do you wear glasses? I talked to my optometrist and got prescribed my same lenses with photosensitive tint as well as polarization... Polarized glasses (not sunglasses) are fairly uncommon, so before you drop the money for a pair, I would try sunglasses with polarized lenses. I have a vertical astigmatism, and my visuals are much worse when I'm not wearing glasses.

Like I said, your symptoms sound pretty minor... Which is a good sign. I've known some people with minor visual stuff, and over months and years, it has improved dramatically... But to get a better idea it would be good to know how long it has been. Maybe you wrote it so pardon me if I didn't catch it.

MDMA itself is synthetic... So methoxetamine wouldn't be "synthetic MDMA". I think you are thinking of methylone... A pseudo-analogue of MDMA. In fact, methoxetamine is an arylcyclohexylamine... Similar to K. I believe it's structure is quite similar, if I remember right, it is lacking the chlorine substitute on the phenyl ring. I don't know how it is different in terms of effects, so it would be cool if you explained the differences and similarities... Or maybe your reactions to it as well as ket... I haven't done it, and I don't plan to, but I am curious as to what it does. Thanks, and I hope I could help

Aye, hear you. As mentioned above, it is a hard one to swallow for me, because I really enjoyed it, like we all did.. quite profoundly really.. it's also tough because I'm a musician and everyone I hang out with is prone to intoxication.. esp. on the booze front. Well, I suppose I did have my fun.. got a hell of a lot of tripping done! But, luckily I am a very passionate musician and I have loads of practice + playing to do, and having just started officially studying performance at university, this goes well with my new need for focus.. I get an immense buzz out of playing, so that's my high... just what to do when I'm not playing.. (listening I guess!)

I can't really tell if things seem bright under artificial lighting.. my eyes are a bit sensitive to things though so I guess that's kind of the same thing. Well, I stopped drinking on Monday, I last took MD about a month ago (I stupidly didn't realise that this could worsen things because I didn't class it as a proper psychedelic). Other than that, I haven't done a psy since the beginning of the year.. except for one stupid drunken encounter a couple of months ago, when someone got out an old LSD sugar cube, which hadn't been stored properly so I knew I wouldn't get an effect.. sure enough, I didn't trip, but my visuals were much worse the next day and have been since (they were just getting better as well! - silly me!)

I always have a mild headache I would say, but nothing sharp ever really. I don't wear glasses nope. I might give that a try though, might help the visuals (although, like I said the visuals are not too interfering at the moment).

On methoxetamine.. as above.. really profound euphoria and 'trippy feeling'. Time becomes incredibly interesting and weird- you feel like you are traveling through it in a really weird way.. it's really hard to explain as with all things of this nature.. very abstract. These weird ineffable sensations, like K.

Thank you for your support-how are you guys getting on? My blessings to you...

Hi all,

Not exactly going to shock you with any of my experience; I know most of you will be able to relate to it, but thought I'd share things from my perspective. I have some questions as well.

I only really have the visual symptoms as far as I can tell. I have never noticed any anxiety/panicy emotions..which I am so glad about having heard about others' experiences. I really feel for anyone experiencing those kind of things. I wish you all the best. I generally I feel pretty good in myself and don't let the visual distortions get in the way of my life emotionally (I feel this might be to do with my ability to control myself when I was tripping hard, not letting myself freak out). I would say my visual symptoms are probably on the better side.. I just have the visual snow/heat rising/fuzzy effect.. occasional swirls.

I think I had my first 'acid flashback' the other night... basically when I was going to sleep, quite fatigued and had been drinking a bit in the day. Closed my eyes and kept feeling like I was tripping, feeling like there were people around me. Being pulled in and out of these sensations and then remembering where I was etc. You know the kind of stuff I'm talking about... Whilst it was quite freaky, I didn't lose it and had a vague sleep eventually.

Question.. I have read many reports of HPPD causing sensitivity to light. I find myself generally feeling very groggy and lethargic. If I have a nap I find it extremely difficult to get up. Same in the mornings. Takes me at least an hour most of the time. This is with a good night's sleep, regular exercise, a good diet, abstinence from substances (up until now I have been having the occasional drinking sesh, but not regularly) and hell, I'm young. I feel physically/mentally (not emotionally) shit all the time. Do you think this is to do with the light sensitivity-eyes not being able to take all that light flooding in? It might be unrelated to HPPD.. sometimes if I have very little sleep as my 'proper sleep', say four hours, I actually find I can get up easily. Weird.

Another question... I used to get night terrors when I was a child.. I used to wake up in the middle of the night have hallucinations and visual distortions (tripping from day!), screaming and pointing at things whilst my parents tried to console me. Don't have them any more, but do you think there might be some kind of link to this and contracting HPPD? A tendency in my mind that might have been been brought out by psychoactive substances?

The alcohol thread here got me thinking as well. I had an experience a few months ago which I could not explain, but someone's post in that thread made me link it to HPPD. Basically, I drank heavily one night, and completely freaked out.. psychotic, derealisation.. suicidal, all that... really scared a lot of friends and family. Never ever had this problem with drink before. Sure I've been extremely drunk, but never reacted like that... In context, I had been feeling absolutely fine in the weeks upcoming.. took about 10 hours of sleeping before I 'came back down to reality' and felt fine again.. and ever since.. is this little episode perhaps linked to HPPD/psychoactive drug use.. it seems really anomalous to my normal non-sober behaviour. Okay, sure, I was drunk.. but this seems more than just being drunk.. it took me the whole next day before I became 'me' again. People said my face looked completely different until I started acting normal again. Apparently looked like I was on something.. (that is a a theory, that I took something without remembering).. I had had a bit of a Ketamine binge on the upcoming days also. Not good.

I never linked drinking to HPPD before, except for maybe bringing up visuals slightly, but I always just thought that was because typically I would drink at night, and only notice them in a dark room which is when they are always worse.

My plan now is to give up drinking as well as everything else. Keep up a good diet, sleep pattern, exercise; lifestyle... wait for this horrible vision to leave me be!

I do realise, the various points brought up in my post, that I might be trying to blame many things on HPPD. The truth is-I don't know and won't know fully how much it affects my life, but with this condition I think one as to consider all kinds of mental states in relation to it.

Thanks for reading.. hope you are getting on alright.

Best,

S

[some background on me and my experience with substances if you wish: I am currently 19 Until the last couple of months, I had a year of frequent experimentation with psychoactive substances (where I was largely depressed and found a lot of happiness in psychedelics).. LSD (which is the one that started giving me noticeable effects), Shrooms, MDMA, 2C's, Methoxetamine, Ketamine etc.. all those things you'd expect. Though, interestingly, I do not smoke Cannabis and have not since a spell when I was 14 where I only smoked for 7-8 months maybe once a week or so (I used to enjoy it, but my parents found out, got mad, and ever since I've never had an enjoyable experience whilst I've been high. Paranoia straight away, and just generally not nice sensations. I had one horrendous trip where I stupidly smoked a whole joint to myself when I hadn't smoked for a year or so. That's been my hardest trip ever and my only negative one other than the alcohol induced madness. My world literally caved in as everything turned to darkness and I lost my sight].