mandrake

I am taking klonopin that's why it's in the tags, although for me it seems to not help my visuals at all. So for most of you is HPPD inescapable every second of the day? Because I can go long periods of time not noticing any symptoms, especially if I'm outside. I am just a very ocd like person I suppose and I don't have much dp/dr, although I did at first. I am just terrified by all the little visual anomolies.

For me it is never, not there...24/7 for the last two decades.  I guess it is just a "new normal" for me but, no, I never get momentary breaks from everything looking like a candle has been melted over it...

Feeling like i am tripping. That is the be all, end all.

 

I have a handle on it, but cannot do things that come normal to most people, like working in an office... or day to day shit like going to the supermarket, spins my head too much. Even sitting and speaking to my mum or wife is hard work.

 

I am trapped in the last couple of hours of a strong trip.... the fun has gone, the visuals are less, the mind trip is less... But it all adds up to a pretty crippling disorder that can't be ignored in any way, shape or form.

This last part (don't know how to pull specific parts out of a quoted post) sums it up as well as I have ever heard it put.  This is happening to me precisely and has been for two decades.  Well put, Jay.  Thanks. I also relate completely to the absolute psychedelic explosion hiding behind every office job.

This makes a lot of sense neurologically.  A large portion of our brains are devoted to facial recognition.  This has helped humans evolve socially.  Disinhibition and over-activity seem to be the name of the game with HPPD so maybe this region is amped-up as well. 

This was my first major symptom, over two decades ago.  Faces everywhere but worst in trees.  Wood paneling, plaster walls and clouds were terrible to look at as well (try avoiding plaster walls, trees and clouds for a day).  Needless to say it freaked me good.  Interestingly and luckily - and hopefully in your case - this phase disappeared over time (a few years) and now what remains is bad static, tracers and after-images.  For some reason, during this time, it seemed to help to say to myself what you have stated "this is only a perceptual thing" etc.  Have some hope that this particular symptom (as well as all others according to some - I have not been so lucky) will likely disappear.  

What are people's experience with Trazadone?  I am taking a small amount (50mg is a starting dose) and it seems to help with sleep.  However (as I am sure everyone can relate to), I am always quite nervous when starting a medication - especially serotonin meds.  Any amplification of visuals?  No effect?  Other negative consequences?  Thanks in advance.  

Haha, yeah playing basketball takes my mind off HPPD.  I also get freaked out anytime I take a med.  I'm always thinking it could make my visuals worse, especially after reading some stories on here and the visual snow boards.

 

I know that I am hyper-aware (is that a word?) of my visual field so taking any med makes me anxious and ever more aware of my visuals.  I don't think any meds I have taken have made my visuals worse.

Interesting that you used that term "hyper-aware"...I have been told for years by doctors and shrinks etc that I am hyper-aware.  This would likely belong in a different thread but it has occurred to me over the years that HPPD/VS/tinnitus could at least be amplified (maybe not completely caused) by being hyper-aware.  I have also long thought that in different contexts (time, place, culture, traditions) this might even be the considered a benefit (look up the history of shamanic traditions: always the member of the tribe seeing things, hearing things, or otherwise being nutty by today's Western standards).  Interesting...

It does help...thanks Skunk.  I have similar symptoms...my afterimages are worsening.  I just get freaked out anytime a medication may affect it.  I am at a point where I think I have to take a risk though.  Thanks again.  Glad your free throw percentage has held steady in case we ever form the HPPD basketball team (ha!).

Skunk,

How severe would you consider your visual problems (I know this is difficult to gauge as none of us can see each other's HPPD)?  Can you read and drive (I can do both but with difficulty) etc.?  Thanks for your input.

How much did you take Skunk (if you don't mind)?

Thanks for your input Skunk...I am always leery of those who are "cured".  It is most likely due to bitterness on my part from having this for two decades with no relief (except from excessive drink and drugs which carries its own host of troubles).  I hope (with more hope than anything else) that people can be cured.

Thanks for the thorough responses.  I heed all of your opinions quite strongly.  I know you all toil with this bullshit as much as me.

Thanks Odysseus (great name),

Why did you discontinue, if you don't mind?  No effect?

Thanks...I shall look into that...

Thanks again Chris...it is the motherfucker of all disorders fo-shizz...I am going on twenty years in this maddened state...

Thanks Chris,

I am more worried about them worsening.  I can never tell when I start a medication as I am hypervigilant and, therefore, paying closer attention.  So I never know if its the medication or my imagination.  Mind telling me what dosage, for how long, and when you noticed the visuals worsening?  If not, I understand.  Thanks.

I see that there is a good deal of information on Remeron when I search but very little on continued use...

I would like to take this medication but, as many would likely be, am DEATHLY afraid of worsening what I already consider moderate/borderline severe visual problems (primarily static and ghosting).  Some have said this medication did not disturb their symptoms.  Can anyone share some experience or advice?  Thanks.

Congratulations man....I am nearing twenty years of this nonsense as well. I will try the low dose Keppra...what might you suggest? Seeing as you benefited so much I'd likely try exactly what you did...thanks.

LJ1985: this is absolutely NOT schizophrenia...medical professionals are only working with the knowledge they have which is limited...but misdiagnosis of HPPD as a psychotic disorder can have severe consequences...apparently some antipsychotics amplify the visuals.

I believe it all to be adrenaline-related...anxiety-based...in other words I believe each of us is likely pumping higher doses of stress hormones (cortisol et al...) or at least were at the time...adrenaline plus psychoactive chemicals can leave you in this condition (which is why I half-jokingly call HPPD a kidney disorder)...I bet our lineage could be drawn back to a certain hypervigilant humanoid (habilus, sapiens, neanderthalis?) watching the heard in the jungle...so, by this logic I would say heredity is likely BUT as mentioned before: only predisposition would be inherited...BUT (again) there are people all over the Visual Snow boards who have acquired static from migraines, getting their eyes dilated, dentist appointments (!!!!) and general stress...If you do have kids, try to encourage calmness.

What we need is a Senator's kid to come down with it...that's how research gets moving (sadly).

I appreciate that Dylan...I kind of feel like a complete cure would be in the "false hope" area as it has been two decades with no abatement...but you make a strong case and you make a good parallel to PTSD. I love hearing about people who get over this thing...

I think I read in a recent post by 1998 that he'd flushed fifty vicodins (sometime in October I think) and it sparked some interest in me as to who is dealing with this madness sober...I quit everything two and a half years ago and all it did was make my visuals and anxiety clearer, brighter and much more difficult. Add to it that nary a soul in most local recovery communities would have ANY idea what is meant by such a condition (many of them likely passing it off as a "drug-seeking, false ailment")...I think this complicates any attempts at sobriety in ways that many cannot fathom (having said that I cannot fathom childhood rape, combat-PTSD and other traumas of significant girth). I consider my visual symptoms moderate to severe (bad static, trailers, halos and afterimages) - then again subjectivity is laughable even to me and have endured this for twenty years...I have long since abandoned the possibility of regaining my vision (though I read a lot of futurists' material like Kurzweil and think if I live long enough it could be corrected digitally). So the obvious place to find those who DO understand (my heart brakes for every last one of you - if you guys see the world like I do you all need a hug...let alone a drink) would be a forum such as this. Any words of wisdom? Pearls of hope? Anecdotes? Anyone with a relative experience?

(as a note: I have in no way ruled out having to get back on klonopin one day but that was potentially the worst thing to come down from)

ADDITIONALLY: I am not one of those soap-box elevated, egotistical, judgmental sober people...I absolutely understand why people imbibe, inject, snort and smoke ESPECIALLY with HPPD...

...I bet they could dissect all of our kidneys and find outrageously overactive adrenaline factories...our brains are getting cooked from down south.

I`ve tried it, but it did`nt do much for my condition.

Did it help your depression WITHOUT worsening visuals? Thats my main concern...seems like all anti-depressants worsen visuals. Makes total sense if 5-ht receptors are the culprit. I have had this for 20 years and have long since given up losing the visuals...just don't want them to become permanently worse.