HeatherinTO

Thanks Spartan and Jay. 

My life fell apart - I had to abandon a master's program, I lost my job, I almost lost my marriage, and I lost friendships (people who wouldn't hear that psychedelics could cause harm). I look like I've aged 10 years in just over 2. Strangely, I also lost my ability to visualize and to absorb information the way I used to. 

I can't tolerate most medications but I've found some success with guanfacine (related to clonidine). I still have visual snow, but the after images and unstable vision have decreased. I no longer always feel trapped in fight or flight mode, although I still struggle with anxiety. 

What's funny is that I never would have tried psychedelics outside a "safe" environment. I thought this was my ticket to healing... And I would be well supported. 

I'm now trying to lend my voice as a psychedelic safety advocate. 

For over 1.5 years, I've tried to share my story and pretty much no one in the psychedelic research community was interested in hearing it. 

Well, it's now out there and it turns out I wasn't the only participant in the Braxia clinical trial to experience an adverse event. 

https://www.ecstaticintegration.org/p/two-cases-of-extended-difficulties

For me, Wellbutrin worsened my visual symptoms and my racing thoughts

I tried lamotrigine first and then keppra. I'm unsure how much the keppra is helping because I can't tolerate the full therapeutic dose.

I did try lamictal and didn't notice a difference. Perhaps it's worth trying again.  

Hi everyone,

I have struggled with treatment resistant depression for most of my life. In 2021, I tried IV and oral ketamine with some but limited success. In late 2021, I got admitted into a clinical trial for psilocybin. 

After my third dose of psilocybin, I started experiencing derealization, intense anxiety and some vision changes. However, I thought psychedelics were key to my healing so I did mushrooms with a guide after the trial. When my distress increased even further, I used prescribed ketamine one week later.

Since then, I've experienced intense HPPD, anxiety, cognitive issues and depression. I'm on keppra (500 mg) and lorazepam as needed, but I can't tolerate any SSRIs or even gabapentin. I was on SSRIs for 25 years before I came off them to participate in the clinical trial.

At this point, several doctors tell me that my only option is ECT. I'm not a candidate for TMS because of a past concussion and a couple of seizures I had when I overdosed on SSRIs at 17.

My psychotherapist/psychiatrist said that we could potentially try ketamine again... Since she feels that ECT could aggravate my cognitive issues.

Does anyone have any thoughts?

I'm also thinking I'm going to apply for MAID (assisted suicide) in March when it becomes available in Canada for people with mental illness.