Sentragon
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Posts posted by Sentragon
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Hi, I just have been thinking of a thing that for me might be the key to being easily able to live with this. And that's that fact that I've always accepted it into my life rather than being afraid and trying to push the disorder away. I would kind of like to compare it to a trip, where you just have to let go, embrace what's coming and then it will be alright rather than if you work against the drug, everything simply goes worse.
Thoughts on this?
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Hi everyone. My name is Sebasthian and I first discovered this forum just a few days ago when I for the first time decided to go in depth with my visual disturbances. So let me start telling you some background.
--WALL OF TEXT--
I first started with smoking at the age of 15, just before I hit a severe depression. I became a steady smoker fairly fast to "help" my depression.
At 17 I did acid for the first time and I fell for the drug. By the age of 20 I had done different kind of psychadelics a few hundred times.
Somewhere on the road, I think around 18-19, I realized striped patterns and weird textured floors, walls etc tended to start moving slowly when I gazed upon them. By then I had heard about HPPD but I never actually gave it much thought. I found it incredibly awesome to be able to see the patterns of acid while sober and never saw it as a problem.
By time this became improved, but not in a bad way. Since I was fascinated by the extended vision I attempted to manipulate it, and guess what. It works and it works incredibly well!
I've even got so far that I managed to make everything in front of my eyes to change colour and form at will. Which to me is great since I don't eat LSD anymore.
Psychadelics for me has always been about the bodily sensation and the visual effects which might be a very strong reason to why I enjoy the ride. That and the fact that I was emotionally shut down for a long time and didn't have any of the other symptoms like anxiety, stress with others.
Today my depression is almost gone but my visuals are still there in full effect. To add is also that I mostly pay attention to my visuals anymore when I'm not interested in "playing" with them. Even so, they tend to steal my attention on occasion throughout the day.
With that said, I'm here to compare myself with others to deeper understand the sides of HPPD and I'm also wondering if there are others around that dont feel like their HPPD is a bad thing for them.
Best whishes!
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HPPD or drug-induced psychosis or just something else..?
in MAIN AND GENERAL FORUM
Posted
Hello.
As the title says, I have something going on but I'm not entirely clear on what it could possibly be. So here is a bit more detailed version than my introduction.