ghostibator

Bizarrely, I tried some the other day (my "party" friends have sort of branched out, so this was the second time I've done it; I actually approached it as a way to test out my reaction though.)

I did have a few beers, so I was relaxed, and did not suffer any sort of panic or elevated heart rate which would normally scare me. I had no problems with symptoms, in fact I basically forget they were there, and enjoyed myself. However, the next day, and this could be partially due to the beers too, I felt the typical "increase" of symptoms and this weird sort of body buzz.

I went for a run to try and detox and that definitely made me feel better, but the usual next night (that is how it is for me, if I drink the next attempt at sleep is always messed up) ensued and I had to fall asleep to crazy visuals and strobe-like flashes. Not exactly enjoyable.

However, this is all normal for me if I am just hungover from booze - EXCEPT the "buzz" I described. As I have only tried cocaine twice, and never before HPPD, I can not say if that is normal or not...

Yea David I recall you saying it happened from just one pill?

I had only tried MDMA (well E - who knows what was actually in it) once, then a few months later I tried it again and ended up taking 4 pills over the course of about two days.

I was fine for almost a year, then I had ACL surgery, and when I woke up from general anesthesia, I had static and slowly other issues developed (or atleast I noticed them).

Anyways the effort you've put in is amazing and I thank you for your dedication and persistence, as I highly doubt I'd be capable of completing such a task - school is a hassle already.

Not necessarily. I am currently on 2g of Keppra and a ketonic diet, this after help from Merkan over a swedish board. Im about 90 percent better overall.

VS has decreased 70-80% and other symtoms including afterimages, tunnelvision, no depth perception, really bad DP/DR, anxiety and suicidal tendencies are down 90-95%. This is the result of almost 6 months of keppra treatment and complete abstinence from drugs (even caffeine) and i am still slowly getting better. At the time i started the treatment my symtoms were still increasing.

I went and saw my doctor back home before I went to school, and it seemed like I was going to get some keppra. And then nothing happened. I think I'll book an appointment with the hospital on campus and see what they can do. maybe they will put me in a "study" or something

rambling is good my friend.

You seem to be overly aware of your symptoms (like most HPPD people), and I think that comes with a measure of realizing what's not "normal" and what should be - something a crazy person would not be able to do. I doubt you are schizo, I've had the exact same problem that you mentioned: the battling back and forth between what seems like "two yous" in your head.

What I think it comes from, is OCD.

Other than that, I haven't ever really talked about HPPD with people other than my parents in the summer (which was more of a built up explosion, rather than a educated discussion).

I don't know how understanding people who don't know what it is, will be. I suppose it makes sense though, they will probably just stigmatize the "drug usage" bit, especially if you are linking it to some lasting neurological problems. I definitely would love to be able to express my frustration more often though, regardless of whether the listener is thinking poorly of my story.

For me, I have come to realize that HPPD has unleashed an already present demon into my world - anxiety.

I always had it in various forms: most prolifically with dealing with girls. It lead to me not even being able to talk to a girl without stammering and fidgeting and feeling like I was about to stop breathing.

Post-HPPD *or...during* it rears itself irregularly in weird ways. If I start to get panicky over homework or an exam, out comes the anxious bug.

I think getting some treatment just for that would probably be a helpful thing (for me).

Anyways, figured I'd reply to indicate that atleast on here, people will read what you write.

(also, not to be a prude, but if you space out your sentences, it's much easier on the eyes - especially if the eyes are already screwy).

I was color blind to begin with, but now I notice a discrepancy between my eyes. They see differently - shades and white-washed walls are different.

pretty odd

Starting with the most consistent (or..persistent?):

visual snow/static - really noticeable when I look at textured carpets or any textural pattern of alternating colors (sometimes looks as if it moves or wobbles) and ofcourse "worse" at night and against white-washed walls.

ghosting and what I can only describe as "light rays" off anything that is white or light-based. ie: the l.e.d.s on my computer

halos and starbursts on street lamps and car headlights are also rather prominent.

if I am tired, or hung over, I can detect "breathing" in my vision - the wobble effect

When I wake up and take a shower, if I close my eyes in the shower I see bizarre square-like phosphenes all over the place, that swirl and ripple and eventually disappear. Sometimes red or purple.

Also, eyes closed, little "black holes" that appear randomly in the swirling madness, and then disappear as soon as they showed up

The visual snow becomes red sperms or shooting stars,

I can see a circular "pressure" point when I move my eyes from side to side - purely a mechanical effect of the eye moving, but I never saw it before the onset of this crap. Sometimes visible in broad daylight

spermies in the sky

tinnitus comes and goes...

random muscle twitching and spasming

brain zaps every now and again

haven't had a panic attack in awhile, but if I wake up in the middle of the night, there is usually some weird almost seizure like feelings taking place (I recall waking up in a nightmare, and everything was shaking and then I opened my eyes and I basically felt the "waves" of an E trip upon waking up. Am I stuck in a perpetual trip? It's happened a couple times.)

Inner ear buzz/pulsation - I've tried to let it grow in intensity to some, what I expect, to be an "endpoint", but I never can - get to scared and anxiety-stricken.

excuse my ramblings, but figured I'd kickstart this off with a bang

cheers bro, always uplifting to hear people are beating this crap