khaozet

Nice to see another med student! Where do you study and what year?

I noticed you had made another post on whether starting with meds or not was a good idea. As I understood it, you wanted to try things out after the 12 month mark, however, as you were seeing some improvement, Jay adviced you to see where that goes before trying anything. How come you started?

On 2017-10-06 at 3:18 AM, Distress said:

They're better. Visuals have mostly went away. Staring into the mirror has gotten alot better. I still have the impending doom feeling often, like today I almost had a panic attack dropping off my boss.

How long did it take for them to get better? What do you experience? How are your visuals affected by your drinking, both the same night and following days? Dang, the psychological bit sucks. Hope it gets better!

Hey man,

Pro tip: start by searching the forums for topics. Pretty sure there are plenty on alcohol, drugs and nicotine. I started a thread not more than one week ago about HPPD and alcohol in the long run.

Anyways, the short answer you'd be looking for is that it depends. It's a versatile condition and how you experience it is most likely not how I do. Most people I've listened to have gotten better over the years, however, that strictly applies to those who quit drugs and changed their lives. For the greatest chance of recovery, turn your life around completely. Try to eat healthy, exercise regularly quit all drugs, and do things that you enjoy. Try not to think about it and get on with your life, just as before.

I remember being in you exact spot, although 19 years old. I was so afraid of all the things I had read and how it may get worse. I quit reading this forum after a couple of months and didn't look back (until last week - 4 years later). I went on with my life and started studying at uni, as planned. I've learned to live with it and even though it still bothers me to think about it and how it may stick with me for the rest of my life, I will be okey.

Jacob

I should probably have clarified that I'm mostly referring to visuals, even tho I'm interested in HPPD + alcohol in all forms.

44 minutes ago, TheMythos said:

Drugs aren't all they're cracked up to be man.

I'm seeking natural dopamine highs.

Supposedly. Even so, I don't want dopamine highs. I want my old way of living back. Maybe I wouldn't even like drinking if I went back to it, but right now I'm ruled by my fright of things getting worse. In the beginning I said to myself that I'd never put myself at risk of that, seeing it is among the worst things in my life. Over the years, however, you start doubting: can it really get worse? Could it really ruin my life? Is it so bad? Then you read up and come back to the conclusion that it could. Still, the massive initial fear have subsided.

30 minutes ago, Distress said:

It took me a while to be able to have a beer or two, but if I get drunk I start feeling uncomfortable, like somethings wrong or about to go wrong. I just can't get to bed without a beer anymore.

So you can't get drunk but you drink? How about your visuals?

6 hours ago, MadDoc said:

Yeah.  Alcohol is not a solution.  Over time it beats up the mind and body.  When I quit all of my issues were waiting for me unresolved.  I've found that sobriety is the best medicine.

Takes some strong character to realize that. Good work! 

5 hours ago, fruitgun said:

Made my DP/DR fire up.

Alright, so it went worse? Now, after all this time, can ytou drink without it firing up?

I've been sober for 4 years, so I can keep on doing that. It just feels sad sometimes. Most people here have had a lot of drug experience before getting HPPD. Kinda sucks to get it from one thing, and have myself deprived of what was my life, vision and cognition. Would be nice to at least have something.

On 2017-09-23 at 0:01 PM, adubbs said:

Never had more than 2..... not risking it.

Okey... But the effect of those two subside?

19 hours ago, MadDoc said:

I drank when I was in my 20s.  Basically self medication for the anxiety caused by this disorder.  I don't think drinking made my symptoms worse, but it made the rest of my life more difficult.  Quit drinkin' ages ago.  Don't miss it a bit.

I see, you got problems from the drinking itself? Like an unsustainable situation?

2 hours ago, adubbs said:

I'm 1.5 years in, and even after 2 beers I get increased twitching and brain zaps when following asleep later that night

Then what? What if you drink more? Do they get more frequent permanently?

9 hours ago, K.B.Fante said:

9 hours ago, K.B.Fante said:

I've never heard of anyone having their HPPD permanently worsen due to alcohol. Pretty interesting considering this is thought of as a disorder strictly obtained and exacerbated via hard drugs. I think it's stories like yours, in addition to people with Visual Snow Syndrome and those who get HPPD-like symptoms through exposure to toxic chemicals, who basically confirm how complex this disorder is in terms of its origins and ongoing evolution. There's clearly something inside our brains that doesn't agree with the chemistry of the modern world... 

In terms of alcohol consumption, I've thought about drinking again. I'm not recovered yet, and I've been sober for 2.5 years now, but I also want to be able to enjoy like socially again when I feel comfortable. I don't know what this means in terms of alcohol, but I know for sure I don't ever want to drink heavily again. I just can't figure out if I'll be able to tolerate a little alcohol here and there without binging. Ideally if I can find enough purpose in my life I won't need it. 

I think I've read about it from time to time. There's been a topic on this forum that includes a poll, to which a lot of people have answered. I should prolly go check that out again. What I was missing from that is people's experiences with HPPD over a long time.

My HPPD was caused by the one and only one drug experience, out of alcohol, I ever had - a blotter with a combo of 25I and 25c nBOME. Days after I had a lot of anxiety, due to things happening during the trip, and I noticed floaters. Thought of it quite a lot but accepted it - recalled I read about it somewhere, that you could experience permanent problems. If I remember it correctly, I did drink a bit after that but it was after the festival I came back home and noticed my entire vision had changed. Sad to think of it, as I guess that I could've recovered, but that those days in a not so good environment fucked me over.

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7 hours ago, Joeygeorgie88 said:

I used to be able to drink with this but now it fries my brain even in tiny amounts, makes me dizzy, nauseous.......my body just can't tolerate it anymore. Just as with any stimulant.

Really? What amounts and to what extent? Yup, drugs are drugs, regardless of name and common use.

6 hours ago, TheMythos said:

Sucks that you have to drink as an adult to be considered social.

My friends are quite supportive and I really don't have that problem. I just find myself missing it sometimes. I can't remember what it feels like but yesterday, for example, I was just sitting at home, doing some work. I started listening to Avicii's new songs and danced in my chair. I felt so happy about the song, but there's a longing for the buzz and rhythm going through my body. That, in turn, made me sad.

I can be social and dance without drinking, no problem, but I can only manage the social bit to a certain extent before the drunkedness of people are too overwhelming for my abilities. They're on a different wave length by then, crossing a border I can't get over while sober.

5 hours ago, fruitgun said:

Couldn't drink during first months after my bad trip because it made me freak out. Now I can enjoy alcohol again, in fact I might be drinking too much. Guess I will try to cut it out again so my mind can focus on recovery.

How did it make you freak out? You get no effect from it, bad ones especially?

Hello,

So I'm back, pretty much 4 years after I ended up with this shit, and found this forum. I decided this was a bad place for me and that it's better to just try and live, which I've managed.

Anyhow, there's a reason to why I decided to actually log back on, even tho I've been checking out what you guys been up to every once in a while: so from what I've gathered from a lot of people, including myself, HPPD gets worse with alcohol consumption. I believe I fucked myself over by having mild HPPD and then binge drinking at a festival for 5 days straight, which made the HPPD blossom to its current state, and given that it would probably be a stupid idea to start drinking again. Even so, over time it's getting harder and harder to live life in such a alcohol centered place as university, and not drink. I can live life without it, and I've done it for 4 years - regardless of what friends say, but somewhere deep inside you just wanna be part of the same culture as everybody else. I mean, I've pretty much come to terms with that I will never recover fully, even tho I've learned to manage it, but just being able to take a beer every once in a while would help with a life long coping.

So, to the question: is there anybody here who's had HPPD for a longer period of time, had it worse by drinking initially and then kept on drinking without experiencing it getting much worse permanently? Cheerio!

If you're new and stuff, feel free to write to me or anything; I'd gladly help you out!

Hi Lianne!

How did everything go?

Really? Haven't read about those, although I've seen some odd medications affecting HPPD. Could you link any for me to read?

Glad you're okey bud!

I have, and I didn't experience any side effects HPPD wise, as far as I know. Why would it affect your brain?

Yupp, got my HPPD from my first trip ever. One tab, one miligram. Although I didn't take LSD or shrooms, but rather a fucking RC (25I-NBOMe).

How are you doing now mate? I've gotten a little but worse but that's because of alcohol. No more for me!

 

Yea the buzz and jolt down your body is exactly what I felt... while I was asleep. Weirdest thing ever I think! My head flew up from the pillow too as I woke up! I thought I'd been abducted my an alien or something!

 

I'm confident without alcohol we will recover... in time   I really 'hope' you're doing better. (Don't let it fade! ) What country are you from, I'd be interested to chat/skype?

 

I've not told my parents; don't think I will. They are going through enough (divorce) as it is. Best not tell them their son is a failed druggy too! Hehe. I'm real glad your parents are very supportive of you though, I can only imagine the weight lifted upon sharing it with them.

 

Kind regards,

I guess I'm doing fine. I've managed to cope with the fact that things will remain like this, maybe for a week of forever - trying to take things slowly and don't worry too much about the future have really helped me. I used to obsess about not being able to perceive reality like I used to before all this. Now, instead, I try to accept the fact that this now is my reality. Psychologically I'm stable, and I rarely feel bad about it anymore, but I do believe my visals are worsening. I hope things will turn around. Except the fact that I don't drink, life is moving on like usual.

Haha yeah, it was a really odd feeling! Only happened to me once, though!

Sorry to hear about that your drinking made it worse again, you just had it going! Though, I really hope you're right. Sometimes I feel like getting smashed, just to punish my stupid brain for not recovering, haha. However, I'm doing my best to keep my hopes up! I'm from Sweden, what about you? A chat could be nice!

Yeah, maybe it's not the best time to bring such a thing up. However, I'm very happy to have such a loving and supporting family - from what I've read many people who try to break the news seem to not be as fortunate. I really hope you will be able to tell your parents as well, and that they will respond in a helping way; having them by your side will make things lots easier.

How are you doing?

I started taking 400 milligrams of magnesium citrate twice a day, just the other week. Unfortunately, it does't seem to have had any positive effects on me what so ever, but rather the opposite. Perhaps it's just me looking for symptoms, but it feels like that the magnesium is actually making things worse. What do you guys think? Does it take a few days or weeks to get an effect to begin with, or have you ever heard of cases where magnesium caused symptoms to worsen?

I have a LONG list.  I see you are the admin: tell me where to post it where we can get it the most visibility?  The pharma section doesn't seem to be the right place, nor the introduction.  Maybe a forum topic specifically for "what has helped me" may allow many of us who have traveled this road to give specific recommendations, from personal experience with practices that have helped.

In the general forum, there is a "Success stories" topic!

Of course, I don't know if your story is a successful one ... but still!

It might be mild HPPD, however, the disease is kinda depending on how it affects you. If you feel nothing from it, and it's just some slight movement in your ceiling while staring at it, it might not be HPPD at all, but just some after effects from the trip, or increased awareness from your behalf.

Though, it's worth mentioning that it might be that you're lucky enough to face your HPPD from it's start, meaning you could do some radical changes and hopefully manage to get rid of it. Personally I'd either start with quitting alcohol and smoking, a good step one, or perhaps try to have a few drinks once and see what happens the day after. If it gets worse, lay that shit off for now. Simple as that. Try to live a heatlhy life, and even though you might not be affected by HPPD, it might do you good in the end. 

Same here, but not very much with the dot though. I think it's ghosting. For me it's about every high contrast object, such as lights, black on white or something on the screen.

However, I have double vision through glass and in mirrors. I see triplets of objects while looking at their reflections in glass, and in the mirror I can see slight doubles of sharp edges on stuff, if I look closely. If I look at lights at night through my windows I don't even need to see the reflections, I just see plain copies of the light but just a bit offset in either direction.

A lumbar puncture? Ouch, D:

Haha, yeah, not a very pleasant experience but it's a guaranteed test result!

Where I live it is treated with antibiotics, such as penicillin. I know plenty of people who's had it. You will be fine! Just let them do a lumbar puncture and you'll get positive results.

Sinemet.

Let us know more, please!

Good read. I like you're writing style. Very fluent and controlled. Wish I had the same skill

 

Nice to read you're keeping positive. I think we both came about trying drugs in a very similar way. We've both grown up in the "drugs are bad for you" culture and conformed for years. Then a little science knowledge comes into play (Chemistry BSc) and before you know it you're researching into these mind altering compounds all the 'bad kids' raved about! I spent months reading about them on Bluelight. I came to the conclusion that my parents, the schools and the Government were wrong for preaching that all drugs were bad. Drugs only had such a negative light because the uneducated users weren't responsible enough to use safely. I decided that Magic Mushrooms were a natural gift, a forbidden fruit kept hidden! How dare they make a naturally growing fungus that grows not 5 minutes from my house illegal to consume! 

 

Well now we're here on hppdonline lol! You have to laugh a little bit, eh?

 

My thread: http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/topic/2286-the-head-pressure-and-my-hppd/

 

All the best mate, feel free to PM if you want to chat.

 

You mention nerve/brain zaps. I had a pretty crazy experience of one a couple of days after trying MDMA. A shiver from head to toe in the middle of the night, right down my spine. Possible the most unnatural feeling I've ever experienced. You?

Thank you, that really makes me happy to hear!

Well, I'm afraid that the text might make me seem a bit stronger and more positive than I actually am. I mean, this thing is wearing me out each and every day. However, I'm glad to see that there's someone who's kinda like me out there, regarding the actual interest in science, how drugs affect you and how we came to be inaugurated in the using. There's only one other guy I know who's like that, and that's the one who brought this fucking chemical upon me. Good to see, though!

Haha, yeah, I guess it's kinda the irony of life, right?

Yeah, I just read it and I'm glad that you're getting better! I mean, you were actually able to notice your symptoms, diagnose and quit the drinking after a night of wine. Unfortunately for me, that's not the case. I never realized I had this until it was far too late, and now, 4 months later, I still see no improvement. I try to keep my hopes up about that things will change and I will too eventually start getting better, but like for most other people, hope starts to fade eventually.

I guess I'm feeling a little bit better though. I mean, despite the fact that the visuals haven't changed, I must say I feel quite okay psychologically. Not sure if it has something to do with my brain healing, or the actual fact that I told my parents and they will help me as much as they can, starting with CBT, but I'm just not as sad over the visuals anymore. Perhaps it's just me letting go of it and accepting everything I see as a part of my life. Though, it's nice to think that maybe things are actually starting to happen up there and improve for the better. I guess that we'll see in time.

Regarding brain zaps, I don't even know what it is. It was one of the other members who replied that mentioned it. I guess I've felt it once, if I know what you're talking about. I tried to sleep, and just then I heard an explosion-like buzz and my neck just got extremley tense, and I even think my head just flew up from the pillow. Is that it?

I wasn't on drugs when things went off the hill, so to speak. I got home after a weekend of alcohol at a festival and woke up to find myself in hell ^^ However, the one time I tried 25I-nBOME a few weeks earlier seems to have caused it.

Benzos are the only thing that substantially reduce my visuals.

 What benzos are you taking? Dosage? Symptoms? Any other way that you can reduce your visuals? Also, any side effects from your benzo intake?