cwatson1414

In the beginning it was a huge asset to me. I would not have been able to graduate without it. It made me feel energized and happy, and I was able to hold conversations with people. I'm pretty sensitive to caffeine though. After a pretty intense and ill-advised drinking binge it isn't as helpful. I know it does aggravate my symptoms even on days it helps.

EDIT: Like, I may have a serious mood-lift, but my visuals will intensify.

"Loneliness doesnt have to be so bad man, we are creatures that need companionship, but a year or two of loneliness while you start feeling capable again is not the end of the world."

Gotta agree. The first year or two I wasn't capable of maintaining relationships, and human interaction just made me compare and contrast myself with unaffected people.

Ah, I can live with the visuals, if the dpdr went away I'd consider myself cured.

Exactly

I wouldn't say I had it go away, but I had it improve to a genuinely livable level. I still knew it was there, it still bothered me in the back of my mind, but I was okay. It took about two years though. I didn't treat myself very well though so that may have contributed. My peace of mind had a lot to do with B-vits. I swear by 'em for HPPD.

I set myself back a long way though. Alcohol can really exacerbate all HPPD symptoms, just saying.

A buddy who struggles with anxiety and depression told me an interesting fact when I mentioned how awesome I felt when I stayed up way late. He told me a chemical is released in the brain in response to sleep deprivation that combats depression. Apparently it helps with dp/dr too, because I know I feel better when I don't get enough sleep. Visuals are worse, but seriously who cares?

The part about "My hands felt just like two balloons" is especially relevant. It seems like it is to a lot of us. I remember many nights trying to sleep, and when I closed my eyes I had the sensation my hands were the size of melons.

I usually don't, but I do occaisionally binge. Like tonight. Sometimes overdoing it actaully gives me anxiety, which I learned is a documented adverse reaction to benzos. My grandmother had the same reaction to benzos.

But mostly I don't. I keep a stash on hand for a sense of security, for bad days. Knowing that theres something I can take is enough sometimes.

Yeah, when I wake up I have the worst visuals and usually pretty bad anxiety. It kinds of levels out in like 30-60 minutes though. If it's going to that day.

I know how impossible it is to believe there's any reason to have hope when you're in the midst of the most intense symptoms. Believe me when I say there is. Don't drink alcohol. Don't smoke cigarettes. Don't drink any caffiene (even give up caffeineated soda.) Take B-vitamins every day. It takes a while dude, maybe years, but it will happen. I even tripped again and drank like hell and smoked cigarettes and drank coffee by the gallon and it set me back, but I got better.

onedayillsailagain: I know how bad that hurts. I had mine in the midst of some of the worst of it. I also graduated highschool in that bad a place. I couldn't feel anything. I remember drinking all kinds of soda to try to get enough caffeine in me to feel some sort of excitement. It didn't work and I could have died seeing everyone elses joy and knowing that was never going to happen to me.

The trip that really was the breaking point (I wasn't really in a mentally healthy place at the time anyway. Good call to trip. Hahah) I took two tabs of waht was allegedly acid but there are doubts. It was terrible. Some of the most intense anxiety I have ever experienced. The toughest part was that it wasn't anxiety about an issue. It was just a locked emotion. I kind of felt like something was up immediately during the comedown because at the end I didn't feel the sort of warmth and love I had felt at the end of other difficult trips. I felt beaten, worn thin, and hollow. It took an extremely long time for me to figure out what had happened. My headspace was "I think somethings wrong but I can't tell because I can't remember how I was before. Maybe I was always this way?" Also, to me, the symptoms of dp/dr are so difficult to describe that I didn't really know how to go about researching.