naught550

Thanks I really think the source of the bull shit thoughts are all from dreams i have seeing as i have very very vivid dreams every night and a lot of them are nightmares

So I've been doing better. but then i get worse I have question i feel horrible but is it normal to constantly have ideas just crazy ones about whats going on with me. i feel like im nearing death, anything bout death like what happens after or such messes with me bad. and its mind bending....... I'm scarred

thanks for the advice. i'll probably tell her today or tommorow case my dads also home so it would seem like the best to talk to them at the same time

after it first happen i smoked weed for awhile but it was miserable so had to stop cause i would get scarred to death basically when i smoked. I've stopped all drugs including cigs which i think might be why i feel like shit on top of everything else. i read about not drinking caffeine and such so I've stopped that to. my thoughts are less messed up as before i would constantly get caught on one thing and i would get sucked into it mostly i thought i was going to die i didn't know when it just always felt like it was soon and i felt like my dreams I've had were gonna be real cause i was having a lot of nightmares. my head is a lot better though not saying i don't get really f'd up thoughts just not as consuming i would say.

as for visual things in the morning its ok nothing but like floaters and everything is very bright. towards the end of the day it gets worse. i notice like lines like just a bunch of lines like a piece of paper but what ever i look at its very faint. the main thigns ive seen are little circle like bunched up when i close my eyes or focus on somthing very hard. its very wierd. and the thing that i think is the main thing that messes with me its like everything is cartoonish but not life is so realistic its fake. or if i focus on something the baground seems as a 2d image like a painting. i can see space around things. and finally i see like red static dots later on and in the dark and even in the light if i foucus on stuff. i try to keep my lights on. but seeing how im living with my parents my mom started asking why i leave them on. also i want to sleep but i cant or i feel like days just go by i dont notice change in time really.

should i tell my mom? i always want to when im rly down and ive had point when its 2am and im breaking down in curled up in scarred im fucked up forever. i know im not but it just gets bad. so should i tell her? and should i see a doctor cause i know she would want to go if i said something? it would probably make me feel better to know that this was the thing that was wrong coming from a doctor

I doing better than i was when i posted this i was basically breaking down at the point i have horrible thoughts not as bad to where im crippled from them and but my vision is just very weird how i see everything which has been the main thing that bothers me now.

I personally haven't been diagnosed with hppd or anything due this a recently new to me, about two months ago i went through to separate bad trips in which i felt as if i was dieing. i fetl outta it for awhile but seemed to get better now its getting unbearable. things dont feel or look the same i know things are real but at the saem time i can't be sure if they are... im scared i feel like im dieing its getting worse day by day.