aztec99

For me, my symptoms got worse over the period of about 1-3 months and then they plateaued out...that is until i used again.

I had a dream last night that was crazy apropos. In this dream, I was driving around not sober. I was messed up on something (drugs) but not too bad. I came upon an intersection at night and looked to the left to turn but there was too much traffic that way, too many cars. So I took off real quick to the right. Then for a split second I saw headlights and another car. I then was coming back to consciousness surrounded by friends. I was began to talk to them like everything was status quo, what's up. Then I scarily began to realize that something wasn't right. My spine was all fucked up and my speech slurred, slow, and somehow just not right. My friends said "you don't realize what's happened'.

Then I woke up. Fuck me. Visual, you are right. I need some help man.

You know what. 2muchmandy, I'll admit I am a moron. I have all the warning signs but still I want to get fucked up and that is what will happen. I just can't help it because my life sucks and I hate myself. Folks, thank you for the support and bashing both. I suppose I wasn't going to be talked out of it either way. DId you guys develop DR/DR and other significant symptoms right away or did it come after repeated use as I am about to do? Because I don't have DP/DR I can live life just fine and after my last relapse their was a minor increase in visual symptoms. Why are you so convinced that I will end up in "living hell"? Perhaps you are thinking that that will happen to me because that is your situation.

You might try Sinemet or Keppra to see if they reduce the starburst symptom if its that bad

Hell yea. Maybe if I'm on vacation and its a moderate amount then I'll be ok. With all my depression and anxiety drugs can actually be a good thing if not abused. I just have to be super mindful of any variance in the severity of my HPPD symptoms.

It seems there is a large variance in the the intensity of starbursting for different folks. Some can barely drive at night while others its just there and not a big deal. For me its not a big deal. It's a minor annoyance. The halos that accompany the starbursting sometimes are actually beautiful.

Lol @ flying carpets. I can see how they trip you out haha. Unfortunately for me I get scared about HPPD but only for like 2 months and then I get used to it. I only have the visuals and if I ignore or get used to them then they are really nothing more than an annoyance. In the meantime, I really want to get fucked up. I have already decided to get messed up again. 2muchmandy, yes it is stupid and crazy. Maybe the only way for me to learn is to get DP/DR and see the morphing and have regret. I've got a week off during the week of 4th of July and plan to get totally shit faced mainly with methylone.

On a positive note, if I do damage my HPPD severely, my Sinemet, Keppra, Memantine and benzos came in.

I'm afraid that I will keep going (getting messed up) till I get DP/DR. I'm already planning to do more drugs I'm weak! I can't help it!

I think if I don't do any hallucinagens that I'll be ok. I think they would royally fuck me. But ecstasy type don't seem to make my HPPD too much worse. damn i suck.

Yea I have went to a few doctors but they don't know shit. They just tell me that it is due to excessive masturbation and to give it time to heal. Another doctor said is was due to the dopamine overload damaging nerves. That is preposterous because I didn't even wanker it the night all that happened. I just remember my pecker turtled up so bad that I couldn't even take a piss. It was scary small. I think its some kind of nerve damage. I just don't know whether its in my penis or in my brain. Either way the doctors cant do shit. Nerve injuries have to heal on their own which can take up to 12 to 18 months.

On the positive side, I could probably fuck a girl ragged since I can't feel so much. Also, I CAN still feel. Which means the nerve isn't severed which means it has a chance of coming back one day.

Note to self, don't snort lines of drugs without weighing the shit out first.

Yea it does suck to be me. Yea, one night after doing a bunch of different drugs in combination, I woke up and my penis was numb. Some of the sensation came back but it's a lot less than normal. I can still feel but it's muted. I relapsed one time and I felt the sensation die out even more. I don't know what is exactly wrong or causing it. nerve damage?

Yeah, I know I shouldn't but I'm like craving it! I saw this tv show about how drugs affect the brain. It say the free will portion of the brain is changed and thus your choice to resist is literally diminished. I see what they are talking about!

I'm going to start with Kpins and see how it goes....but only after trying Buspar and other non habit forming meds. thanks

Damn, so my former recreational drug dealers got busted by the DEA. Now I can't get anymore which is a good thing ultimately. But right now I am about to lose my fucking mind. I want to get high so bad! Maybe if I wasn't so depressed and anxiety then i wouldn't care so much but it's like i need it. I feel like I'm going to snap!

Actually started back on the Zoloft today. I have clonazepam, sinemet, keppra, and memantine on order. Might try Buspar as well. I'll definitely be medicated over the next few months Better than depression and anxiety.

I just keep reminding myself that I can't actually go blind from this

I haven't gotten really hammered since I got hppd. Maybe that would make the snow worse. It sucks that your symptoms fluctuate. Im sure thatmakes it difficult to adjust

I was thinking of trying Buspar. Its not supposed to be addicting. But I'm sure some kind of medication is needed. I think I got it genetic my dad

I think this would help identify those with DP DR and those with just visuals. Might also be nice to know others issues

My VS is the same intensity all the time. It doesn't change unless I do drugs. Such as SSRI or relapse and do MDMA. Otherwise its static in duration, pun intended.

Ive read on the forums that peoples VS fluctuates based on circumstance such as anxiety levels, environment, etc.... But mine is the same 24/7. Damn floaters dots and snow everywhere

It got worse each day. my visual snow in particular got much worse. I can let you know what happens when I get back on zoloft starting this friday. Let it get worse. I want to be able to enjoy life and not run from it. Damn anxiety

Xanax is good, but doesn't last long, I think that is why people prefer klono... It generally lasts all day. Valium last a long time too, but doesn't seem quite as effective for hppd.

BTW - taking valium on your days off another benzo will not help stop addiction/tolerance.... a benzo is a benzo and your receptors will crave the effects of the benzo, not the type of benzo.

skipping a day is probably too short too.... if you want to use benzos occasionally... you should try and have at least a 2 day break, preferably 3.

how does valium compare to the other benzos for social anxiety?

I'm thinking of self administering Kpins for my social anxiety disorder and HPPD. What would be a good starting dosage? What frequency might be appropriate? I read some folks take it like 3 times a day; the last one being at bedtime. I was imagining taking it once in the morning and again in the afternoon. Would it be necessary to take it to go to sleep?

Yea at the end of the night when you go to sleep, you have to be ok with yourself and your voice....not theirs. Just have some kind of game plan for when they get on to you and stick to it. Eventually if you keep telling them to fuck off or that you don't want to....they'll accept it. You might tell them like 50 times that you don't smoke and they'll give you hell for it....but then on the 51st time they'll get tired of it and say "oh well he doesn't smoke". Stick to your guns unless there is pussy involved

I'm not sure if it would cause a panic attack or not. For months after my onset I was paranoid about drinking or doing anything. I think it's good to be gentle but not paranoid. Meaning, have a smallllllll toke on it or maybe a couple beers and keep it light and see what happens and judge that. But don't give in to fear and paranoia just because

Yo, I tried Zoloft for a week recently and it made my visuals go nuts. In one week my visuals got about as bad as if I had taken a strong dose of ecstasy. And yes it has stayed that bad since then, persisting if not permanent. I got off and switched to Lexapro. I haven't seen much of a change if any in my visuals on Lex but then again its not doing much for me. I'm going on my 3rd week on Lex and I'm still depressed on it. That's right. It has actually been depressing me. It helps me anxiety some and thats why I've stayed on it. But on Monday I'm calling the doctor.

I've heard that eventually Zoloft will platueau as far as the worsening of visual symptoms. Can anyone corroborate? I'm thinking of saying fuck it and going back to Zoloft. Because it was heaven. It totally made me a better person. It was a home run.