Regret

[raincat]

I wish I didnt ruin rec drugs for myself. I still really want an edible or something but ik it'll freak me out and give me a terrible flashback. I recently got formally diagnosed with PTSD btw. I already knew I had it though. The flashbacks suck. For the rest of my life probably it'll be too risky to have THC or psilocybin or ketmine ever again. It was so fun before! At least at first. It got kinda stale with time and stopped making me that happy. But it was still better than nothing I guess. At least this'll prevent me from getting a really bad addiction to something. That's a silver lining. I've learned my lesson about drugs. I was probably destined to have some kind of drug related problem. My mindset and my behavior was gonna build up to something. It built up to this. 2 new mental illnesses on top of the handful of other ones I already had. I wanna do as little ruminating on negative stuff as I can though. Even if it's inevidably still alot.

[Jay1]

I think you have a good mindset... Regret is inevitable, but it's only useful if you learn from it, which you are doing. 

I have the same thinking... If I hadn't got a mental disorder that stopped me doing drugs, then I know I would have ended up addicted, in prison or dead... It was just the inevitable path I was on. 

I am 46 now and never really think about drugs, so that feeling of missing out does seem to pass as you get older. 

[Spartan]

Understand what you are saying.. 

If you are open to it.. 

Possibly participate in a " shamanic breath work ceremony* with a trained facilitator. 

It releases DMT naturally in your system, experiences I have had during breath work ceremonies have been very powerful and very similar to that of ingesting DMT. 

Likley it would also be very healing , will not exacerbate your symptoms and possibly clear up your PTSD. 

It may set you on a different pathway of new discoveries. 

Wishing you the best! 

 

Yes, shamanic breathwork can potentially activate DMT (N,N-Dimethyltryptamine) in your system naturally. Here's how:

1. _Increased oxygenation_: Shamanic breathwork involves rapid and deep breathing, which can lead to increased oxygenation of the brain and body.
2. _Altered state of consciousness_: The breathing techniques can induce an altered state of consciousness, similar to meditation or trance.
3. _Pineal gland activation_: The intense breathing can stimulate the pineal gland, a small endocrine gland in the brain, which is believed to produce DMT.
4. _DMT release_: The combination of increased oxygenation, altered consciousness, and pineal gland activation can lead to the natural release of DMT in the brain.
5. _Subjective experiences_: Many people who practice shamanic breathwork report subjective experiences similar to those induced by DMT, such as:
    - Intense visuals
    - Altered perception
    - Deep emotional releases
    - Spiritual or mystical experiences

However, it's essential to note that:

1. _DMT release is not guaranteed_: Shamanic breathwork may not always lead to DMT release, as individual responses can vary.
2. _Other factors influence DMT release_: Other factors, such as individual biochemistry, emotional state, and intention, can influence the release of DMT.
3. _Shamanic breathwork is not a replacement for medical treatment_: If you're seeking treatment for a medical condition, consult a qualified healthcare professional.

Remember, shamanic breathwork is a powerful tool for personal growth, healing, and self-discovery. Approach it with respect, an open mind, and a qualified guide or practitioner.

 

Edited September 12 by Spartan

[Spartan]

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Edited September 12 by Spartan

[brake]

7 hours ago, Jay1 said:

I think you have a good mindset... Regret is inevitable, but it's only useful if you learn from it, which you are doing. 

I have the same thinking... If I hadn't got a mental disorder that stopped me doing drugs, then I know I would have ended up addicted, in prison or dead... It was just the inevitable path I was on. 

I am 46 now and never really think about drugs, so that feeling of missing out does seem to pass as you get older. 

Yes I agree this disorder saved me from possibly developing a drug addiction one day, but who knows maybe I could fall into a deep depression and still develop it one day lol. I also noticed that the older you get, the less appealing drugs seem.

Edited September 12 by brake

[Spartan]

16 hours ago, brake said:

Yes I agree this disorder saved me from possibly developing a drug addiction one day, but who knows maybe I could fall into a deep depression and still develop it one day lol. I also noticed that the older you get, the less appealing drugs seem.

Maybe it's  a possibility..   I have significant depression .. I'm a severe  30 + year HPPD sufferer and currently dependant on opiates and klonopin lol ? 

Edited September 13 by Spartan

[AF44]

On 9/12/2024 at 1:33 AM, Jay1 said:

I think you have a good mindset... Regret is inevitable, but it's only useful if you learn from it, which you are doing. 

I have the same thinking... If I hadn't got a mental disorder that stopped me doing drugs, then I know I would have ended up addicted, in prison or dead... It was just the inevitable path I was on. 

I am 46 now and never really think about drugs, so that feeling of missing out does seem to pass as you get older. 

Funny, when I first got HPPD, it was so horrible, and I was doing the “why me?” thing. But then I thought, God made this happen for a reason because probably if I had not gotten HPPD, the way I was going, I probably would have tried a lot of other drugs would have been way worse and like you said, addicted, imprisoned or dead. It was meant to be, for me, to save me, even though I hate it.

[Spartan]

 

I agree with the whole if i did not stop would have ended up dead, an addict or in jail thing. I would definitely be dead. 

I would be dead now if I did not love my Mum and Dad so much. 

When one door closes other doors open. 

( With hppd we have definately opened some doors metaphorically) 

Also, life can present situations that can be completely overwhelming, exacerbate the condition greatly. Or even present other medical conditions ( like bulging discs through spine and neck) which was why I was originally prescribed opiates. 

Enduring this,  hppd and an ongoing acute situational crisis all  the same time have lead me into the ongoing temporary use of this...  in an attempt to fuc* the pain away. It's a coping strategy, when definitely not being able to cope. I guess being human we all have a threshold or limits for how much we can handle or endure. 

I may have mentioned before and have come to believe that chronic neuro psychiatric conditions can be as painful if not more painful than chronic physical ailments. 

Anyhow I was successful tapering though having surgery in hospital completely messed that up for now. 

I will most likely continue my tapering journey although continue with klonopin. 

1000 pardons if my posting has been a bit negative, sensitive or extreme or inconsistent in recent months. Have just not been in the best space and have  been enduring things I cannot really find words for.. confident things may change. 

I'm going to have a break from posting for a while. Take good care everyone. 

Edited September 14 by Spartan

[yarkadin]

13 hours ago, AF44 said:

Funny, when I first got HPPD, it was so horrible, and I was doing the “why me?” thing. But then I thought, God made this happen for a reason because probably if I had not gotten HPPD, the way I was going, I probably would have tried a lot of other drugs would have been way worse and like you said, addicted, imprisoned or dead. It was meant to be, for me, to save me, even though I hate it.

One of the valuable lessons that my experience taught me is to not make foolish, rash decisions, in particular with things that may directly impact my health, and to be skeptical of whatever information is being provided to me - in short, to try to always make informed decisions.  These are such total cliches, but if I had invested time in studying the negatives of hallucinogens as much as I have the positives maybe I wouldn't be sitting here writing this right now.  My problem, though, as feeble as this excuse may sound, is that it was harder to get this information back then when I got it.  Back in the 90s, in the internet 1.0 days, there was no hppdonline and I don't think there was even a formal DSM entry for our problem (could be wrong).  You would have had to REALLY search for this stuff to learn about it since HPPD was a far more obscure illness than it even is today.  Even now... we are living in an age of googly eyed delusion with these drugs... just look at these articles Brake here shares periodically which don't mention a single negative thing in their studies.  It's like with cigarettes in the 50s... people think it's all great, all comforting, stress-reducing... the vast majority are totally ignorant of the dangers.

Do I regret the past?  Sure, I've been saddened and depressed about decisions I've made, but I haven't really had it consume me.  Regret to me seems like something that may make greater sense if it can change the past.  I definitely believe I could have made better decisions... in a way we are all composites of all of the decisions we have made, whatever they were.  We can imagine we've made all the best decisions, but still end up in the gutter some day... or we can make all of the worst decisions and fail continuously, go further and further down the hill... only to have all of those failures terminate in some enormous victory.  No one knows... there is too much going on, too many factors outside of our control.  I don't bother really thinking about it outside of what I can influence, not losing sight of the bigger picture of course.

Edited September 14 by yarkadin

[James3524]

This is a good way to think about it: We made a mistake in the past—something that thousands of others have done, who made it out unharmed. I bet most of us didn't even know HPPD existed before we took drugs. We didn’t know we would end up in such a mess. How can you do your absolute best with the cards you've been dealt? Forget, forgive, look forward, and don’t make the same mistake twice. 

I'm now over four and a half years in, and I've seen tremendous progress. Both in my HPPD severity and growth as a person. Through my suffering, I have become a better person in basically every way. HPPD was the impetus to improve every aspect of my life. 

Just to offer some hope, we might be close to having a proper, safe, and long-term pharmacological treatment within the next year. I also feel obligated to remind you that you cannot take any recreational drug ever again. No psychedelics, hallucinogens, ketamine, weed, anything. Dr. Abraham strongly agrees. Your prognosis is horrible if you decide to indulge again. I smoked weed once after about a month of HPPD in 2020, and it made my HPPD 5x worse. Please, PLEASE, don't make the same mistake twice!

Take care,

James

Edited September 15 by James3524

[AF44]

On 9/14/2024 at 7:14 PM, James3524 said:

This is a good way to think about it: We made a mistake in the past—something that thousands of others have done, who made it out unharmed. I bet most of us didn't even know HPPD existed before we took drugs. We didn’t know we would end up in such a mess. How can you do your absolute best with the cards you've been dealt? Forget, forgive, look forward, and don’t make the same mistake twice. 

I'm now over four and a half years in, and I've seen tremendous progress. Both in my HPPD severity and growth as a person. Through my suffering, I have become a better person in basically every way. HPPD was the impetus to improve every aspect of my life. 

Just to offer some hope, we might be close to having a proper, safe, and long-term pharmacological treatment within the next year. I also feel obligated to remind you that you cannot take any recreational drug ever again. No psychedelics, hallucinogens, ketamine, weed, anything. Dr. Abraham strongly agrees. Your prognosis is horrible if you decide to indulge again. I smoked weed once after about a month of HPPD in 2020, and it made my HPPD 5x worse. Please, PLEASE, don't make the same mistake twice!

Take care,

James

I agree. Soon after I got HPPD, my friends and I went to a concert. They had shrooms and I wanted to do them because I felt “left out” even though inside I knew it was probably a bad idea. Oh, was it ever. After coming home late from the concert I felt totally bent. Then the next day, I heard piano music. (I think I have told this story a zillion times on here.) It literally sounded like someone was playing a grand piano in the house all day and into the night. I was absolutely terrified. Thank God it stopped by the next morning or I think I would have lost my mind for good. I always felt dumb for doing shrooms after I got HPPD, but I’ve noticed so many people on here have done drugs after they got HPPD, so then I realized I shouldn’t beat myself up about it.