Visuals since childhood?

[AF44]

Hey all! I was thinking back on my childhood and wondering if anyone experienced what I experienced. Ever since I can remember, I’ve had terrible headaches. Even as a very small child. Then morphed into migraines with auras. I would get what I called “tickle headaches” which I can’t describe except I guess I called them that because it felt like something was tickling my brain. Wasn’t really even a headache, just a sensation. When I closed my eyes at night to go to sleep, I would see repeating patterns. (Prob mentioned this on here somewhere.) There were 3 of them and always in the same order. The first one I can’t remember. Then it would change into little pink bubbles, like soap bubbles.Then turn into red, blue and green “minus signs.” They would march in a straight line like ants. Then the 3 patterns would all start over again. I didn’t mind them and in fact, my favorite was the red blue and green lines. I told my dad and he was worried and was like, “What?” When I got HPPD, sometimes those exact 3 patterns would be in my vision, which freaked me out! Mostly the pink soap bubbles would be the one. I know this all sounds so weird, and I just remember having SO many headaches through my childhood that would last for hours and hours. Has anyone had strange visual phenomena and or/constant headaches like that before they got HPPD?

[yarkadin]

Yes, I recalled you mentioned this earlier... I have never had migraines in my life... maybe some typical headaches for various reasons but nothing in a pattern.  But I would be curious what others say about this. 

[Spartan]

9 hours ago, AF44 said:

Hey all! I was thinking back on my childhood and wondering if anyone experienced what I experienced. Ever since I can remember, I’ve had terrible headaches. Even as a very small child. Then morphed into migraines with auras. I would get what I called “tickle headaches” which I can’t describe except I guess I called them that because it felt like something was tickling my brain. Wasn’t really even a headache, just a sensation. When I closed my eyes at night to go to sleep, I would see repeating patterns. (Prob mentioned this on here somewhere.) There were 3 of them and always in the same order. The first one I can’t remember. Then it would change into little pink bubbles, like soap bubbles.Then turn into red, blue and green “minus signs.” They would march in a straight line like ants. Then the 3 patterns would all start over again. I didn’t mind them and in fact, my favorite was the red blue and green lines. I told my dad and he was worried and was like, “What?” When I got HPPD, sometimes those exact 3 patterns would be in my vision, which freaked me out! Mostly the pink soap bubbles would be the one. I know this all sounds so weird, and I just remember having SO many headaches through my childhood that would last for hours and hours. Has anyone had strange visual phenomena and or/constant headaches like that before they got HPPD?

This is really interesting.. ! 

I don't remember having any visuals before hppd, 

Tho when I was a young boy a had an accident, 

I was on like a childhood camping trip adventure and we were staying in dormatories, there were beds on top of each other and I was on the very top bunk. 

Strangely enough the ground holding the beds was concrete. During the night I must have had some kind of freaky dream and rolled out of the top bunk to fall at least 5 or so metres, all the way down to smash my head on the rock hard concrete floor bellow.  

I never woke up because I was unconscious, and found the next morning. 

Omg just another of my wild adventures, think I must be close to using up all my 9 lives..  and they didn't even give me cotton candy, toffee apples or even a funky purple robe lol  anyhow.. (our funny thing)

Possibly there is a link with head pain / symptoms and some type of susceptibility to hppd,  just a thought...

I do recall having many "accidents"some quite severe and funny.. and also trauma before acquiring hppd. 

Thanks for sharing, really interesting stuff !! 

 

 

Edited August 31 by Spartan

[brake]

No I never had any visuals before HPPD. I did have sinus headaches, that's about it.

Actually I remember being in Church as a child and staring at the lights up until they would burn my eyes and I would look away to see the after images. But the difference is I would have to stare really long to have something like that now I'll just glance at lights and I'll have all sorts of visual phenomenon lol.

Edited August 31 by brake

[AF44]

21 hours ago, Spartan said:

This is really interesting.. ! 

I don't remember having any visuals before hppd, 

Tho when I was a young boy a had an accident, 

I was on like a childhood camping trip adventure and we were staying in dormatories, there were beds on top of each other and I was on the very top bunk. 

Strangely enough the ground holding the beds was concrete. During the night I must have had some kind of freaky dream and rolled out of the top bunk to fall at least 5 or so metres, all the way down to smash my head on the rock hard concrete floor bellow.  

I never woke up because I was unconscious, and found the next morning. 

Omg just another of my wild adventures, think I must be close to using up all my 9 lives..  and they didn't even give me cotton candy, toffee apples or even a funky purple robe lol  anyhow.. (our funny thing)

Possibly there is a link with head pain / symptoms and some type of susceptibility to hppd,  just a thought...

I do recall having many "accidents"some quite severe and funny.. and also trauma before acquiring hppd. 

Thanks for sharing, really interesting stuff !! 

 

 

Holy macaroni!! That sounds awful! (And really stupid of whoever decided concrete was a good idea to build bunk beds on ) So you were knocked out for hours? That’s horrid! What’s even more horrible is that you didn’t get any fairy floss, toffee apples and a badass purple gown! I don’t really ever remember getting hit in the head much as a kid. My mom told me I had an unusually long umbilical cord and it was totally wrapped around my neck when I was born. I guess I was fine…but who knows? I did get beaten about the head and face fairly often in my teenage years, and before (and after) I got HPPD. But all the patterns and migraines started before any of that stuff. 
That’s no good about accidents…maybe crashing our heads made us more susceptible? Probably not but when I hit my head it seems like my symptoms kind of flare up, especially before being on medication and having the full-blown HPPD experience. So this awful concussion I got back in July, I def had more HPPD issues. The effing symptoms stuck around and I was diagnosed with Post Concussive Disorder and the doctor is referring me to a neurologist which made me start bawling. I cried the last time I had to see a neurologist for my balance issues. I don’t know why the idea of seeing a neurologist makes me so sad and weepy. Maybe PTSD from the ones I saw after I got HPPD and all those CT scans and everything

How are you doing? How are you recovering from your surgery? I hope well!! Keep us updated as always!!

[Spartan]

2 hours ago, AF44 said:

Holy macaroni!! That sounds awful! (And really stupid of whoever decided concrete was a good idea to build bunk beds on ) So you were knocked out for hours? That’s horrid! What’s even more horrible is that you didn’t get any fairy floss, toffee apples and a badass purple gown! I don’t really ever remember getting hit in the head much as a kid. My mom told me I had an unusually long umbilical cord and it was totally wrapped around my neck when I was born. I guess I was fine…but who knows? I did get beaten about the head and face fairly often in my teenage years, and before (and after) I got HPPD. But all the patterns and migraines started before any of that stuff. 
That’s no good about accidents…maybe crashing our heads made us more susceptible? Probably not but when I hit my head it seems like my symptoms kind of flare up, especially before being on medication and having the full-blown HPPD experience. So this awful concussion I got back in July, I def had more HPPD issues. The effing symptoms stuck around and I was diagnosed with Post Concussive Disorder and the doctor is referring me to a neurologist which made me start bawling. I cried the last time I had to see a neurologist for my balance issues. I don’t know why the idea of seeing a neurologist makes me so sad and weepy. Maybe PTSD from the ones I saw after I got HPPD and all those CT scans and everything

How are you doing? How are you recovering from your surgery? I hope well!! Keep us updated as always!!

Yeahh pretty brutal stuff, yes nocked out for hours unconscious and awoken in a pool of blood. Anyhow I guess I was a pretty tuff kid lol

That is really quite full on about your birthing process and your umbilical cord bring wrapped around your neck. I'm very sorry to hear that! 

During my birthing process I was a prem baby (premature) could not wait to get out hehe and was also a cesarean section , meaning they cut my mum to get me out. 

As far as my understanding. The birthing process, from utero through to the first 4 years of life can have  a profound effect on our lives, (birth trauma ad family of origin) etc  does not mean to say we cannot heal the impact of these happenings, anyhow.. little ones and even in utero are like sponges and absorb everything. 

Full on sorry to hear that you where beaten around a bout before and after hppd, yes same for me too, and  sorry to hear about your migraines! Sounds horrible... maybe there is a connection with something that may have happened earlier and can be released for it to dissipate? Who knows... 

Yeahh wow post concussive disorder sounds so very full on!!  Totally understand I know what it's like seeing so many various neurologist or neuropsychs etc etc yeahh CT scans MRIs electrobes bring placed in my head in total darkness measuring brain function.. talking to teams if doctors at once , being put in a psyche ward / crisis stabilisation units etc etc all this shit adds up and is F##ing traumatizing... like some pretty hardcore shit... That most ordinary people could not understand.. (who would want to be ordinary anyhow) .. though i really hope you are ok with all that now!! 

Yeahh actually I'm healing quite nicely from surgery, really on the mend, feel correct antibiotics are definitely working. Fortunate to have other people doing essential daily tasks for me until I can get my arm back to full movement. I will have a check up at hospital in a few days and have my dressing changed.. so really recovering well from surgery thankyou 

I hope you are doing great also and enjoying your weekend!!! Please keep on keeping us all updated too

 

Edited September 1 by Spartan

[AF44]

11 hours ago, Spartan said:

Yeahh pretty brutal stuff, yes nocked out for hours unconscious and awoken in a pool of blood. Anyhow I guess I was a pretty tuff kid lol

That is really quite full on about your birthing process and your umbilical cord bring wrapped around your neck. I'm very sorry to hear that! 

During my birthing process I was a prem baby (premature) could not wait to get out hehe and was also a cesarean section , meaning they cut my mum to get me out. 

As far as my understanding. The birthing process, from utero through to the first 4 years of life can have  a profound effect on our lives, (birth trauma ad family of origin) etc  does not mean to say we cannot heal the impact of these happenings, anyhow.. little ones and even in utero are like sponges and absorb everything. 

Full on sorry to hear that you where beaten around a bout before and after hppd, yes same for me too, and  sorry to hear about your migraines! Sounds horrible... maybe there is a connection with something that may have happened earlier and can be released for it to dissipate? Who knows... 

Yeahh wow post concussive disorder sounds so very full on!!  Totally understand I know what it's like seeing so many various neurologist or neuropsychs etc etc yeahh CT scans MRIs electrobes bring placed in my head in total darkness measuring brain function.. talking to teams if doctors at once , being put in a psyche ward / crisis stabilisation units etc etc all this shit adds up and is F##ing traumatizing... like some pretty hardcore shit... That most ordinary people could not understand.. (who would want to be ordinary anyhow) .. though i really hope you are ok with all that now!! 

Yeahh actually I'm healing quite nicely from surgery, really on the mend, feel correct antibiotics are definitely working. Fortunate to have other people doing essential daily tasks for me until I can get my arm back to full movement. I will have a check up at hospital in a few days and have my dressing changed.. so really recovering well from surgery thankyou 

I hope you are doing great also and enjoying your weekend!!! Please keep on keeping us all updated too

 

Hey!

Dang, knocked out for hours at a time…not good for the ol’ noggin! I only got knocked out once but it was only for probably a few seconds…idk, thrown headfirst into a wall then woke up on my back with my feet pointed towards the wall. That was a weird experience! Have you ever had a seizure? I read a lot about seizures in connection with HPPD. (Sorry if I sound dumb, I got no sleep last night and totally out of it!) I think I’ve had at least two absence seizures and I did have a grand mal seizure. That was before I was put on any medications. I wonder if there really is a connection.

On a different note, I e been pretty stressed out about my 16 year old son…who also has HPPD if you can believe it. (I’ve probably posted this fact a million times on here already.) We had been dancing around the topic for almost a year, I think he knew what HPPD was…one day about a month ago he told me he thought he had a brain tumor. We had a little discussion finally about what HPPD is, etc. The other day he brought it up again and said he thought he had brain damage. I explained there was a big difference between actual brain damage and what we have. So he then said he wants a diagnosis from a dr that he has HPPD, not just take my word for it. I told him we could bring this up to his pediatrician if he wants to pursue a diagnosis (she is a wonderful doctor and would completely understand, probably tell us to go to the Family and Youth clinic to see a therapist or whatnot) Then he says he doesn’t want any health professional to know he has it and he doesn’t want any record of it. Sad, but I had to laugh. He said he would get in trouble because he did drugs when he was under 21. Weed is legal here, I guess he must have gotten it from smoking pot? God knows what could be lurking around in those dab pens or if the weed was laced with something. He swears up down and all around he’s never done hallucinogens. I am kind of a sucker and always believed my kids when they denied doing drugs or sneaking out, so idk what to think anymore except I do know he smoked pot and I busted him puffing away on a dab pen once in his room. Also I found out he “did” cough syrup. I kept telling him he would not be in trouble with the law or any doctor if he admitted to doing drugs, but he didn’t believe me. He basically wanted to rule out a brain tumor or brain damage. So sad because I was the same way when I first got it. I was hoping there was something physically there so that the doctors could fix it. Now all I do is obsess over my son. I think about it all the time and I’m hyper aware of every move he makes and I’m always watching him to see if he’s having a bad day or something. I’m driving myself nuts and it’s exhausting. Stressful because he is in high school so I wonder how he’s going to keep up with his work. Wondering if he stays up all night because he’s frightened of lying in bed in the dark focusing on his symptoms and having anxiety. Then it’s really hard to wake him up. Then on weekends I won’t want to wake him up because he’s sleeping peacefully. Idk what to do anymore. It’s bad enuff that I have it…a million times worse that he has it. I wonder if there really is a genetic component to it?

Well, as usual, I’m rambling. I’m glad to hear you have someone helping you while you recover from your surgery!! I pray you heal quickly and have a nice weekend too!!

[Spartan]

14 hours ago, AF44 said:

Hey!

Dang, knocked out for hours at a time…not good for the ol’ noggin! I only got knocked out once but it was only for probably a few seconds…idk, thrown headfirst into a wall then woke up on my back with my feet pointed towards the wall. That was a weird experience! Have you ever had a seizure? I read a lot about seizures in connection with HPPD. (Sorry if I sound dumb, I got no sleep last night and totally out of it!) I think I’ve had at least two absence seizures and I did have a grand mal seizure. That was before I was put on any medications. I wonder if there really is a connection.

On a different note, I e been pretty stressed out about my 16 year old son…who also has HPPD if you can believe it. (I’ve probably posted this fact a million times on here already.) We had been dancing around the topic for almost a year, I think he knew what HPPD was…one day about a month ago he told me he thought he had a brain tumor. We had a little discussion finally about what HPPD is, etc. The other day he brought it up again and said he thought he had brain damage. I explained there was a big difference between actual brain damage and what we have. So he then said he wants a diagnosis from a dr that he has HPPD, not just take my word for it. I told him we could bring this up to his pediatrician if he wants to pursue a diagnosis (she is a wonderful doctor and would completely understand, probably tell us to go to the Family and Youth clinic to see a therapist or whatnot) Then he says he doesn’t want any health professional to know he has it and he doesn’t want any record of it. Sad, but I had to laugh. He said he would get in trouble because he did drugs when he was under 21. Weed is legal here, I guess he must have gotten it from smoking pot? God knows what could be lurking around in those dab pens or if the weed was laced with something. He swears up down and all around he’s never done hallucinogens. I am kind of a sucker and always believed my kids when they denied doing drugs or sneaking out, so idk what to think anymore except I do know he smoked pot and I busted him puffing away on a dab pen once in his room. Also I found out he “did” cough syrup. I kept telling him he would not be in trouble with the law or any doctor if he admitted to doing drugs, but he didn’t believe me. He basically wanted to rule out a brain tumor or brain damage. So sad because I was the same way when I first got it. I was hoping there was something physically there so that the doctors could fix it. Now all I do is obsess over my son. I think about it all the time and I’m hyper aware of every move he makes and I’m always watching him to see if he’s having a bad day or something. I’m driving myself nuts and it’s exhausting. Stressful because he is in high school so I wonder how he’s going to keep up with his work. Wondering if he stays up all night because he’s frightened of lying in bed in the dark focusing on his symptoms and having anxiety. Then it’s really hard to wake him up. Then on weekends I won’t want to wake him up because he’s sleeping peacefully. Idk what to do anymore. It’s bad enuff that I have it…a million times worse that he has it. I wonder if there really is a genetic component to it?

Well, as usual, I’m rambling. I’m glad to hear you have someone helping you while you recover from your surgery!! I pray you heal quickly and have a nice weekend too!!

Hey! 

Omg crack me up! Yeah so not good for the ol noggin lol hehe 

Aw head head first against a wall.. ouch, so sorry to hear.. I'm glad you returned to normal consciousness soon after! 

Have I ever has seizures? Yes. This has happened when I unintentionally overdosed on GHB in a club, I also had Klonopin in my system. It was fuc**ing intense, like I had electric shocks going through my body and my arms, luckily I had staff looking after me at that time. Tho from what I can remember I lost consciousness shortly after also.

This freaks me out because this happened with me another time and I woke up after being completely unconscious at some random guys house I did not know. Who knows what may have happened when I was out of it  

Fuck$@s have tried to take advantage of me numerous times in my life, getting me on or out of it.. it's sickening. 

Rightio, seizures in connection with hppd, no it's not dumb at all. It's actually right on point In the hppd protocol for the study produced partly by Professor McConnell. It states that one of the proposed etiologies of hppd is that it may be caused by seizure activity taking place within the occipital lobe of the brain, and I guess there is a connection here with all the anti seizure medications we are taking like klonopin, lamotrogine etc etc. 

That is really full on that you have experienced x 2 seizures! Did you have people present to take care of you ? Truly hope so. I witnessed my ex girlfriend have a seizure, it may have been triggered by s bright lamp in our room. Your right I think there is definitely some connection here with hppd. 

Wow.. kind of speeches and heart broken to hear your son has hppd also.. that is really tragic and I am so sorry to hear this. Yes so true I guess in the states ganja can possibly be laced with who knows what.. I feel that people maybe more susceptible to getting it when they are younger possibly.. I hope he understands it's ok to share with medical professionals etc live a completely clean life, surrounded by possative influences now and do best to attempt to make a recovery etc Yes possibly there is a genetic component.. I really hope he will be able to retain his focus during school etc sending my prayers for both of you

Thankyou for that.. I hope you are having good start to your week! You guys take best care and I hope you are enjoying whatever you are up too! Looking forward to connect soon

 

 

 

Edited September 2 by Spartan

[AF44]

13 hours ago, Spartan said:

Hey! 

Omg crack me up! Yeah so not good for the ol noggin lol hehe 

Aw head head first against a wall.. ouch, so sorry to hear.. I'm glad you returned to normal consciousness soon after! 

Have I ever has seizures? Yes. This has happened when I unintentionally overdosed on GHB in a club, I also had Klonopin in my system. It was fuc**ing intense, like I had electric shocks going through my body and my arms, luckily I had staff looking after me at that time. Tho from what I can remember I lost consciousness shortly after also.

This freaks me out because this happened with me another time and I woke up after being completely unconscious at some random guys house I did not know. Who knows what may have happened when I was out of it  

Fuck$@s have tried to take advantage of me numerous times in my life, getting me on or out of it.. it's sickening. 

Rightio, seizures in connection with hppd, no it's not dumb at all. It's actually right on point In the hppd protocol for the study produced partly by Professor McConnell. It states that one of the proposed etiologies of hppd is that it may be caused by seizure activity taking place within the occipital lobe of the brain, and I guess there is a connection here with all the anti seizure medications we are taking like klonopin, lamotrogine etc etc. 

That is really full on that you have experienced x 2 seizures! Did you have people present to take care of you ? Truly hope so. I witnessed my ex girlfriend have a seizure, it may have been triggered by s bright lamp in our room. Your right I think there is definitely some connection here with hppd. 

Wow.. kind of speeches and heart broken to hear your son has hppd also.. that is really tragic and I am so sorry to hear this. Yes so true I guess in the states ganja can possibly be laced with who knows what.. I feel that people maybe more susceptible to getting it when they are younger possibly.. I hope he understands it's ok to share with medical professionals etc live a completely clean life, surrounded by possative influences now and do best to attempt to make a recovery etc Yes possibly there is a genetic component.. I really hope he will be able to retain his focus during school etc sending my prayers for both of you

Thankyou for that.. I hope you are having good start to your week! You guys take best care and I hope you are enjoying whatever you are up too! Looking forward to connect soon

 

 

 

Aww thanks! Ugh so sorry to hear about your GHB debacle! But it’s good that you had staff to help you. Is GHB the same as Ketamine? I’ve heard of it but not sure exactly what it is, only it’s nicknamed “Grievous Bodily Harm.” Haha, I read that in a magazine article years upon years ago, my mom made me read it hehe. Which I guess is good cuz it scared me and I never wanted to try it. My mom scared me off of trying cocaine too. I wish she’d tried to frighten me about LSD. Actually…I think she did. She always had a horror story. Some girl she knew in OH (where she is from) took LSD, thought she could fly, and jumped off Nelson Ledges. Maybe if she said I would have everlasting horrid brain damage I would’ve listened, haha! 
Yeah, goodness only knows what is in the weed here. When my younger brother was like 18 or something he ended up getting pot laced with opium or something. He was totally unaware. I believe there was also someone I either knew or knew of who unknowingly smoked pot that was laced with PCP. Then there’s all that synthetic shit, Spice and all that. I’ve read on here that people have gotten HPPD from smoking pot. Also, I honestly don’t know what else he may have tried (besides getting high off cough syrup) he says he’s never done anything besides that and pot, and I can’t prove or disprove it, and he’s sticking to that story. 
Yikes! That’s terrible to end up at some rando’s house not even knowing how you got there. I’m hoping nothing happened to you. I’ve put my ownself in situations like that. One where something bad did happen to me, one time ended up with some acquaintances I knew from a bar I used to frequent. They didn’t do anything to me but I was so drunk I chose to sleep in one guy’s car while everyone else went into the house. When I woke up, I was too embarrassed to knock on the door. I didn’t know what town I was in. Luckily not far from where I lived but still!! Ugh, I’m glad those days are over!! With the grand mal seizure I did have someone there to help. (My ex-husband.) If he hadn’t been right there and caught me, I probably would’ve fell and cracked the ol’ noggin Yes, lost consciousness then so out of it when I came to. And yeah, convulsions. Super weird. The absence seizures are basically petit mal seizures, they are called absence because basically you’re out, unaware, but it’s not noticeable to anyone unless they are trying to talk to you or get your attention. You won’t respond, just stare. That’s happened to me at least twice. It’s almost like going unconscious for a minute or however long, then you “wake up” to someone trying to get your attention and saying wth is wrong with you, I’ve been smacking your arm and saying your name, and you have no recollection. I remember the first time that happened to me I was about 13 or 14. So pre-HPPD. 
Yeah, seems like the young people get it because that’s about the time we are all experimenting with shit. Super sad because we have the rest of our lives in front of us. If only we had known! But we didn’t and it’s not our fault, just bad luck and bad brain chemistry I guess. 
Thank you for your prayers! I pray for you as well, and everyone else on here (and other people suffering that are not on here.) All of you are AWESOME. Don’t even know what I would do if I hadn’t found this forum, it was many years ago when I found it and I’m so glad it’s still here!! Hope you are doing well! Do you have a Labor Day holiday (not holiday as in vacation lol) in Australia? We have Labor Day here, it’s always the first Monday in September, and I guess it’s supposed to celebrate working, and there no school and a lot of people get the day off. Not me, haha my house is such a wreck I will be “laboring” my ass off all day Ttys, hope all is well!!

[Spartan]

9 hours ago, AF44 said:

Aww thanks! Ugh so sorry to hear about your GHB debacle! But it’s good that you had staff to help you. Is GHB the same as Ketamine? I’ve heard of it but not sure exactly what it is, only it’s nicknamed “Grievous Bodily Harm.” Haha, I read that in a magazine article years upon years ago, my mom made me read it hehe. Which I guess is good cuz it scared me and I never wanted to try it. My mom scared me off of trying cocaine too. I wish she’d tried to frighten me about LSD. Actually…I think she did. She always had a horror story. Some girl she knew in OH (where she is from) took LSD, thought she could fly, and jumped off Nelson Ledges. Maybe if she said I would have everlasting horrid brain damage I would’ve listened, haha! 
Yeah, goodness only knows what is in the weed here. When my younger brother was like 18 or something he ended up getting pot laced with opium or something. He was totally unaware. I believe there was also someone I either knew or knew of who unknowingly smoked pot that was laced with PCP. Then there’s all that synthetic shit, Spice and all that. I’ve read on here that people have gotten HPPD from smoking pot. Also, I honestly don’t know what else he may have tried (besides getting high off cough syrup) he says he’s never done anything besides that and pot, and I can’t prove or disprove it, and he’s sticking to that story. 
Yikes! That’s terrible to end up at some rando’s house not even knowing how you got there. I’m hoping nothing happened to you. I’ve put my ownself in situations like that. One where something bad did happen to me, one time ended up with some acquaintances I knew from a bar I used to frequent. They didn’t do anything to me but I was so drunk I chose to sleep in one guy’s car while everyone else went into the house. When I woke up, I was too embarrassed to knock on the door. I didn’t know what town I was in. Luckily not far from where I lived but still!! Ugh, I’m glad those days are over!! With the grand mal seizure I did have someone there to help. (My ex-husband.) If he hadn’t been right there and caught me, I probably would’ve fell and cracked the ol’ noggin Yes, lost consciousness then so out of it when I came to. And yeah, convulsions. Super weird. The absence seizures are basically petit mal seizures, they are called absence because basically you’re out, unaware, but it’s not noticeable to anyone unless they are trying to talk to you or get your attention. You won’t respond, just stare. That’s happened to me at least twice. It’s almost like going unconscious for a minute or however long, then you “wake up” to someone trying to get your attention and saying wth is wrong with you, I’ve been smacking your arm and saying your name, and you have no recollection. I remember the first time that happened to me I was about 13 or 14. So pre-HPPD. 
Yeah, seems like the young people get it because that’s about the time we are all experimenting with shit. Super sad because we have the rest of our lives in front of us. If only we had known! But we didn’t and it’s not our fault, just bad luck and bad brain chemistry I guess. 
Thank you for your prayers! I pray for you as well, and everyone else on here (and other people suffering that are not on here.) All of you are AWESOME. Don’t even know what I would do if I hadn’t found this forum, it was many years ago when I found it and I’m so glad it’s still here!! Hope you are doing well! Do you have a Labor Day holiday (not holiday as in vacation lol) in Australia? We have Labor Day here, it’s always the first Monday in September, and I guess it’s supposed to celebrate working, and there no school and a lot of people get the day off. Not me, haha my house is such a wreck I will be “laboring” my ass off all day Ttys, hope all is well!!

Heyy yeahh thankyou. No actually GHB and Ketamine are two different compounds.. GHB is a Depressant (hence dangerous mixing with other depresants i.e. klonopin) though it is easy to drop on... and Ketamine is a dissasociative anaesthetic* 

Had the absolute worst experience with Ketamimine. Whilst overseas back in the day I never knew what it was, someone racked me up a huge line, had the most freaky traumatic experience, entered a K HOLE. From having the line went completely unconscious, the next moment I was chained naked in a crucifix position to the side of a sky scraper at night facing infinite expanse of space, from there I was transported to a massive Emerald where I was placed in the centre and there were all these beings around me creating some kind of communication or dialogue.. from there I entered the night time street markets in a tricycle with 3 other people and surrounded by people looking at me, from here my whole body melted like candle wax and started running down the gutter.. from here I suddenly can back into my body and frantically hugged the guy sitting next to me.. I did not understand what had just happened and it honestly traumatized the absolute shit out of me LOL anyhow... 

It's great your mum warned you about certain drugs etc that is so good. I wish she prevented you from taking LSD though.. my elder brother is like a sadistic cunt or a complete dick. He was feeding me acid at 14 and I remember him taking me mushy hunting, we would come back with buckets full of gold tops. I thought an older bro would try and protect a younger bro not try and fucking kill him. I've come to believe now that he has deep narcissistic traits.. we are completely different people, he could never understand what having severe hppd is actually like, and even his best friend was dosing me unknowingly.. that really hurts, and now I just find him to be a patronizing wanker.. anyhow we move on, forgive etc we are both adults now, just do my best to maintain boundaries. He was the one that introduced me to drugs and LSD in the first place. Anyhow I don't feel its healthy to hold a victim mentality and prefer to be a victor.. possibly a topic for another day..

Yeahh so true. Pot can be laced with anything these days so have to be ultra careful!!!! Opium will definitely nock you out... Best to keep him away and be completely drug free. I guess one of the most helpful things for youngsters is getting into a life giving environment. Sports or become an athlete could be helpful. Doing his best to embrace empowering life giving habits. 

Yeahhh super horrible and scary shit being unconscious with someone you don't know and you don't know what happened. I'm glad you were safe in your car and super thankful your ex husband was there when you had a major seizure!

Those petit mal seizures sound very spinny and freaky.. really hope they have all resolved now and glad it sounds like they took place prior to hppd. 

Yes you are right 100% youngsters experiment with drugs, loose their discrimination though wrong or bad associations, think they are invincible (whereas most susceptible because brain still developing/ growing) have no idea of any long term consequences, never heard of hppd... Possibly  wake up one day and that's it.. yeahhh it is very sad hard to  find the words really...

Agreed everyone on the board here is AWESOME and legends so many especially admin have often reached out to me for support frequently like / as brothers. Prayer is powerful, will keep everyone in my prayers also.. yess and it's super cool connecting with kindred spirits and like-minded beings who of some share our experience / condition / illness and actually understand and can empathize. 

Yes we do have labour day here Actually, an unemployed friend was just asking me about it, he believed it was to celebrate women in labour and their birthing process....

 

 just a joke hehehe

Yes we do have it, it's a public holiday here.

Hope you enjoy your holiday and don't work too hard !!! Take good care!! 

 

 

 

 

Edited September 3 by Spartan

[Spartan]

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Edited September 3 by Spartan

[AF44]

11 hours ago, Spartan said:

Heyy yeahh thankyou. No actually GHB and Ketamine are two different compounds.. GHB is a Depressant (hence dangerous mixing with other depresants i.e. klonopin) though it is easy to drop on... and Ketamine is a dissasociative anaesthetic* 

Had the absolute worst experience with Ketamimine. Whilst overseas back in the day I never knew what it was, someone racked me up a huge line, had the most freaky traumatic experience, entered a K HOLE. From having the line went completely unconscious, the next moment I was chained naked in a crucifix position to the side of a sky scraper at night facing infinite expanse of space, from there I was transported to a massive Emerald where I was placed in the centre and there were all these beings around me creating some kind of communication or dialogue.. from there I entered the night time street markets in a tricycle with 3 other people and surrounded by people looking at me, from here my whole body melted like candle wax and started running down the gutter.. from here I suddenly can back into my body and frantically hugged the guy sitting next to me.. I did not understand what had just happened and it honestly traumatized the absolute shit out of me LOL anyhow... 

It's great your mum warned you about certain drugs etc that is so good. I wish she prevented you from taking LSD though.. my elder brother is like a sadistic cunt or a complete dick. He was feeding me acid at 14 and I remember him taking me mushy hunting, we would come back with buckets full of gold tops. I thought an older bro would try and protect a younger bro not try and fucking kill him. I've come to believe now that he has deep narcissistic traits.. we are completely different people, he could never understand what having severe hppd is actually like, and even his best friend was dosing me unknowingly.. that really hurts, and now I just find him to be a patronizing wanker.. anyhow we move on, forgive etc we are both adults now, just do my best to maintain boundaries. He was the one that introduced me to drugs and LSD in the first place. Anyhow I don't feel its healthy to hold a victim mentality and prefer to be a victor.. possibly a topic for another day..

Yeahh so true. Pot can be laced with anything these days so have to be ultra careful!!!! Opium will definitely nock you out... Best to keep him away and be completely drug free. I guess one of the most helpful things for youngsters is getting into a life giving environment. Sports or become an athlete could be helpful. Doing his best to embrace empowering life giving habits. 

Yeahhh super horrible and scary shit being unconscious with someone you don't know and you don't know what happened. I'm glad you were safe in your car and super thankful your ex husband was there when you had a major seizure!

Those petit mal seizures sound very spinny and freaky.. really hope they have all resolved now and glad it sounds like they took place prior to hppd. 

Yes you are right 100% youngsters experiment with drugs, loose their discrimination though wrong or bad associations, think they are invincible (whereas most susceptible because brain still developing/ growing) have no idea of any long term consequences, never heard of hppd... Possibly  wake up one day and that's it.. yeahhh it is very sad hard to  find the words really...

Agreed everyone on the board here is AWESOME and legends so many especially admin have often reached out to me for support frequently like / as brothers. Prayer is powerful, will keep everyone in my prayers also.. yess and it's super cool connecting with kindred spirits and like-minded beings who of some share our experience / condition / illness and actually understand and can empathize. 

Yes we do have labour day here Actually, an unemployed friend was just asking me about it, he believed it was to celebrate women in labour and their birthing process....

 

 just a joke hehehe

Yes we do have it, it's a public holiday here.

Hope you enjoy your holiday and don't work too hard !!! Take good care!! 

 

 

 

 

Holy shit!! That Ketamine trip sounds (literally) insane!!! I would be traumatized too. *shudder.* At first when you described it I thought you meant you were actually naked and crucified on the side of a building and I was like what the actual fuck?

Was relieved to hear that was not actually the case but the whole experience sounds SO awful  

Your brother sounds like such a twat! So awful that he introduced you and encouraged you to do LSD and mushrooms. And getting drugged without me knowing it is my worst fear. Ugh. It’s cool that you were able to forgive him. I’m not a terrible person but when someone does something so horrible to me it’s beyond the point, I just CAN’T. I try. There is basically one person I just cannot forgive no matter how hard I try or pray to. Well, maybe two. But yes, he should’ve taken care of you, not fed you drugs. I can’t imagine doing that to anyone, much less someone I am supposed to love and care about. 
Haha, Labor Day SHOULD be a holiday about being in labor!! Soooo much pain…I was supposed to get a spiral ham from the store but accidentally grabbed I guess a “regular” ham by mistake. I should’ve known better. So Sunday my husband made the ham and mashed potatoes. He set it on the table and there were bones poking out the top! I’d never seen that before and was so grossed out. Then realized I got the wrong kind of ham. It was beyond greasy. It tasted good though. But yesterday as I said, I labored all the livelong day! It was godawful. Everything was so greasy from that ham it was insane. The kitchen was an utter disaster. When I was done with all that, there was all the rest of the house to clean, laundry and having to go to the store. So yeah…Labor Day I hope you had a good one at least! At any rate, it had to have been better than mine, lol. Maybe. Hope you are continuing to recover well from your surgery! And hopefully no blizzards ️️

[Spartan]

On 9/4/2024 at 2:42 AM, AF44 said:

Holy shit!! That Ketamine trip sounds (literally) insane!!! I would be traumatized too. *shudder.* At first when you described it I thought you meant you were actually naked and crucified on the side of a building and I was like what the actual fuck?

Was relieved to hear that was not actually the case but the whole experience sounds SO awful  

Your brother sounds like such a twat! So awful that he introduced you and encouraged you to do LSD and mushrooms. And getting drugged without me knowing it is my worst fear. Ugh. It’s cool that you were able to forgive him. I’m not a terrible person but when someone does something so horrible to me it’s beyond the point, I just CAN’T. I try. There is basically one person I just cannot forgive no matter how hard I try or pray to. Well, maybe two. But yes, he should’ve taken care of you, not fed you drugs. I can’t imagine doing that to anyone, much less someone I am supposed to love and care about. 
Haha, Labor Day SHOULD be a holiday about being in labor!! Soooo much pain…I was supposed to get a spiral ham from the store but accidentally grabbed I guess a “regular” ham by mistake. I should’ve known better. So Sunday my husband made the ham and mashed potatoes. He set it on the table and there were bones poking out the top! I’d never seen that before and was so grossed out. Then realized I got the wrong kind of ham. It was beyond greasy. It tasted good though. But yesterday as I said, I labored all the livelong day! It was godawful. Everything was so greasy from that ham it was insane. The kitchen was an utter disaster. When I was done with all that, there was all the rest of the house to clean, laundry and having to go to the store. So yeah…Labor Day I hope you had a good one at least! At any rate, it had to have been better than mine, lol. Maybe. Hope you are continuing to recover well from your surgery! And hopefully no blizzards ️️

Thankyou for the beautiful reply.

I'm in hospital again at present.

Likley not on the best space to reply properly right now. 

Thankyou 

God Bless

Edited September 9 by Spartan