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Do I have HPPD?? In need of advice


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Hi,

I am a new member of this forum, I hope you are all well. 3 years ago, I took LSD for the first (and only) time. My trip was not entirely bad, and for the first few weeks after it, I didn't really have any issues. I continued to recreationally take MDMA and ketamine in social settings with no effects. However, after 2 months, I smoked weed, and it felt like I was back in a trip. This brought on a panic attack and intense anxiety. It seemed to had triggered something in my brain as taking MDMA/ketamine after that also made me feel as if I was in a trip mentally and would result in really bad panic attacks.

After that incident, I began to have A LOT of visual disturbances, including visual snow, floaters, hallucinations in the dark, objects seeming like they were getting smaller or bigger, patterns on wood moving and flowing. I also had depersonalisation, panic attacks, severe anxiety and a lot of flashbacks.

Fast forward to now, I have healed from it a lot. The visual disturbances have reduced greatly. I still see floaters and still hallucinate in the darkness, but overall soo much better than how it was a few years ago. I still have very severe anxiety, which is triggered mostly by sensations, thoughts or feelings I relate to/felt in my trip. I have never researched it because for me, diving deep into it made it a lot worse and would on set a panic attack each time I tried. But now I am in a better mental position to, I want to start exploring what happened to me and what I am going through now.

Any advice/comments would be amazing and woulfd help so much! Thank you :)

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Yea, it does sounds like hppd. Sounds like you have recovered a great deal, amazing!  Floaters are not hppd (and can actually be fixed with surgery), but you will notice them more as you scan your vision for hppd visuals.

All I can say is keep doing what you are doing... Avoid drugs (of course), minimise any alcohol, eat well and exercise. Avoid undue stress wherever possible.  

All the best, Jay

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I agree with everything Jay has said.  I can add that for me, meditation has been a big help.  It can reduce anxiety, make you feel more present and produce an overall increase in wellbeing.  The reason I think this could be relevant to you is that meditation over time shows us how our brains work and could possibly bring you insight into what you're going through.  

If that's something that you may be interested in, I suggest making a commitment to 30 days of daily practice of say 5 minutes to start with.  There are apps that help with this. I treat it like exercise for my brain, at first its very difficult to quiet the mind then over time it gets easier.  Let me know if you have any questions.  The app Headspace is pretty good; it gives you structure, a timer and it's loaded with guided meditations.  

 

Take Care!

 

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Hi lads I had a bad trip after taken ecstasy about 15 years ago. It brought on anxiety and depression panic attacks. It wasn't my first time. I use too take ecstacy on wknds for a few months. This night me and my mates smoked pot and I took 1 tab and totally freeked out ever since that night I've been having closed eye visuals. Hallousinations of all kind of weird shapes snakes spiders u name it only when I close my eyes I can put them out of my mind but when I totally relax their their only with my eyes closed is this hppd and advice ? 

Thanks folks

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It's possible.. I've never heard of someone on here only having closed eye visuals without the normal visuals.. But it certainly seems likely to be drug related, so would likely fit under hppd in some way or another.

The CEVs are the one part of my symptoms I can tolerate ok, as I just let them do their thing and try to relax and watch the show. If it is causing you stress though, i think all the advice above, including (especially) meditation could help you.

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