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Hello All....


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I'm VERY new to HPPD despite having it since I was 18 (I'm 44 now).

I'm extremely confused, and will spend a bit of time on this site trying to get my bearings.

Why am I confused? I suppose I'm trying to understand the different symptoms people are exhibiting and line them up with my own. I'm also trying to figure out if some of you are going through a Kundalini Awakening, but are unaware like I was. 

It started when my best friend turned to me one day and said, "Here it comes again", and it felt like I (we) sank into the earth. I was never the same again. I had to confess to my parents that I was a drug user one week later after trying to hide what was going on.

What was going on?  I was walking in specific patterns. Moving from my second floor bedroom to the basement. When I moved out of the spiral-like path (fibonacci-like), I felt uncomfortable, powerful sensations. I was put on tranquilizers due to the panic attacks. I was seeing the evil in everything from sound to light to textures and all the connections therein. It was madness trying to explain the unexplainable. I wrote myself off as someone who'd have to wear a helmet and live in a padded room for the rest of his life.

I gave up explaining the visuals out of fear, since I started believing that if I shared enough esoteric knowledge, I'd be punished. I was worried (despite never coming close to verbalizing what I was experiencing).

I had to leave school, since I couldn't read. My parents kept me in the house. They were protecting me. I was popular in school, but became something people talked about when I wasn't around. I tried my best to be normal before I had to leave. I started doing Kriyas (weird yoga postures) in my religion class, and I think that was the final straw.

About 25 years later...after owning a successful business and being semi-retired since about 35, I accidentally stumbled upon a Joe Rogan podcast discussing "experiencing knowledge that was indescribable" while on drugs. I went to reddit under r/psychonaut and explained my story (it took me days to write a paragraph due to the associated anxiety). Some amazing person said "that sounds exactly like a kundalini awakening"  and changed my life forever.

I when to r/kundalini and I met with a teacher who helped me fix the issues with energy. It was done via an ancient ceremony similar to a diksha in non-dual shaivism.

For the scientific background and more info on Kundalini you can look up Dr. Lee Sannella's work. There was also a document declassified by the department of defense in 2003 (I believe written in the early 80s) that also discusses kundalini.

I hope that some of you are confusing HPPD with a spiritual catalyst meant to urge you to grow in this lifetime. My life is now a play where I simply enjoy it. I managed to get through school. I live on a resort in a home that I paid for in full. My partner is out of my league (don't make me post a pic), and I live comfortably. 

I paid my dues and dealt with my Karma. I'm good now. My company will sell this year, and I will help people full time at no charge until I move on. I'm not trying to brag - I'm trying to do my best to not look like a nutter and I know most people respond better to someone who seems like they "made it".

I'm so sorry that I got spiritual. I hate the idea of it all, but I've had to accept it and work with it.


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