worried if i have it looking for guidance

[justan18yolookingforadvice]

hi! don’t really know where to start. 

i will say that i have only taken lsd once, and while there were some tough moments throughout it nothing specific bothered me. 

i smoked a bit of weed during but nothing that made me feel bad, sadly i found out about hppd in the come down of my trip (i say sadly because it is CERTAINLY not the time to find out about this disorder) i didn’t have really any visuals on lsd but i took a pretty low dose from what i’ve read online, it wasn’t microdosing but it was a small dose. 

important things to note

•i only have vision in one eye since i was 5 so i only have one eye to go off of with visual symptoms 

•i was a daily weed smoker but had a panic attack after smoking about 2 weeks after i tripped, and obviously bc i was scared of hppd and knowing it can permanently make things worse i stopped cold turkey. 

• lights take a minute to go away if i stare at them (i know everyone has this problem not just people with hppd) 

• i do not have visual snow, tracers, or the bigger/smaller effect on objects, i also do not see things move at all, for which very grateful. 

• i did have a mini flash back i think? the day after and for a couple days had very slight dr/dp (i have bpd so this wasn’t really new to me) 

•currently, i have no dr/dp which once again i feel very lucky. 

•i do have spikes? around lights but also i have a BIG history of eye problems and it looks just like an astigmatism. 

•i also have been diagnosed with migraines (i have a family history of them with my mother having them and my older brother) 

so i guess my question to you guys is, do you think i have it? i’ve been worried sick since i’ve found out about hppd bc it’s just worrisome. i want to know if i have it or not even though everyone has told me it seems as though there’s a 99% chance i do not. the heightened worry of maybe i have this prevents me from smoking or drinking, even though i don’t have many if ANY symptoms i need someone on here to give me their input. thanks!

[Jay1]

Nah, i don't think you have hppd. Like you say, the spikes are astigmatism, which is fairly common. 

I don't think it's a bad idea to limit your drinking and smoking for a while though anyway... I think the idea of hppd is gonna play on your mind every time you smoke, so probably not worth that added anxiety/stress. 

[justan18yolookingforadvice]

jay, thank you so much. while i’ve been worried i’ve read a lot from you and your response means so much. have a great day!

[Onemorestep]

Hi Justan— I just want to add that the brain is highly plastic at your age  I know it sounds really dumb when “adults” say you shouldn’t drink and do drugs until a certain age but that is because your brain is actually still developing hahah.
 

What adults should add, after that, is if you wait to do these things until your brain has cemented a bit, you will have a more enjoyable experience with substances over the whole of your life, and more likely (and most importantly to me) a greater baseline happiness. 

do you have hppd? No one here can tell for certain if you have or are susceptible to it as no on here understands why it happens. do your other “disorders” feed into susceptibility? Something To ponder. Hallucinogens are like Russian roulette for some people and we don’t know why... 

 

I will say I have been running across some very interesting info on two of the disorders you have mentioned you have and their relationship to the endocannabinoid system. There is preliminary evidence that endocannabinoid dysfunction is involved in disorders such as bpd and migraine headaches. It is my belief that the ECS also plays a role in hppd but that’s just me. 

 

what do you do with that info? I would err on the side of caution when mixing drugs that increase the plasticity of your brain and drugs that effect the endocannabinoid system if it seems plausible your endocannabinoid system isn’t functioning properly as is. 
 

and as jay has said, your stress about it is another factor. that stress is very biologically real. The stress itself, is quantifiable and measurable by science (increases in stress hormones, increase in excitatory neurotransmitters, reduction in inhibitory neurotransmitters etc etc etc). It would be remiss to say that ones individual stress being high couldn’t possibly influence ones susceptibility to getting hppd when under the influence. That’s because, once again, we don’t know why this happens. 
 

if you are here posting at 18, however, your anxiety is high enough to motivate you to do so, and I would suggest you remove the stress and anxiety from your life by not playing with something you think might be fire, at least for a little while  I can tell just from the way you write you have a good head on your shoulders so nurture that space and intelligence the best you can. Life is looooooooooong (I’m 30 and started my dance with hppd around your age) no need to rush.
 

Besides the world is FULL of things way way waaay cooler than drugs haha. I mean in 1980 maybe cocaine was the coolest thing to do but now you have a supercomputer in your pocket. You want to be mentally in a good place to experience the sheer bat shit fucking sci-fi insanity that’s coming our way.
 

much love,

Oms

[Fawkinchit]

12 hours ago, Jay1 said:

Nah, i don't think you have hppd. Like you say, the spikes are astigmatism, which is fairly common. 

I don't think it's a bad idea to limit your drinking and smoking for a while though anyway... I think the idea of hppd is gonna play on your mind every time you smoke, so probably not worth that added anxiety/stress. 

This. Sounds like you just have anxiety, and meticulously nervous behavior.

[justan18yolookingforadvice]

8 hours ago, Onemorestep said:

Hi Justan— I just want to add that ,

i think it’s important to note that bpd has been very prevalent in my life, pretty much my whole life but REALLY was noticeable when i was about 12. i started smoking at 15 (way younger than i would EVER advise, but i was in a small town with no friends you know how it goes i’m sure) smoking was something that i just did because when i did i noticed that my emotions were that of a “normal person” it was just like taking paxil to help with anxiety because i also am obsessively paranoid (i gained this issue at 10) and thinking strangers were gonna kill me was not fun. so i was a constant weed smoker with very little alcohol consumption for 3 years. while i have stopped completely it’s more of a “hey on my birthday and at parties am i gonna have to sit there and be sober cause i took acid once and fucked up my brain” while i know being sober is good you still want to be able to “let loose” on occasion, which obviously i wouldn’t do if i had hppd, not wanting to permanently worsen the condition.

also with the migraines, while i said i have a family history of them it’s also important to note that i had bad birth control that i was HIGHLY allergic to and they started with that, sadly after the nexplanon has been removed they continue as well as the tinnitus that my doctor said is normal for migraines.  all in all i don’t think i’ll ever go back to daily smoking but wanted to get people with hppd’s input because, like jay and others have pointed out ive kinda been a nervous wreck about it all. 

while i know that taking drugs is a russian roulette, and obviously because i’m scared shitless i’ll never take another hallucinogen again i wanted the input of people that had it because friends and family’s opinions with my STRONG anxiety wasn’t cutting it for me haha. 

i do appreciate your response so much, but with my lack of symptoms i’m pretty sure the visuals are from my poor eyesight and migraines, as for the panic attack while i smoked 2 weeks after i guess was just anxiety? 

[justan18yolookingforadvice]

5 hours ago, Fawkinchit said:

This. Sounds like you just have anxiety, and meticulously nervous behavior.

i do not think you’re wrong here. i am obsessively paranoid and have extremely high anxiety. i wanted to check with people who do deal with this disorder for some peace of mind is the best way i can describe it, now that i have heard all of this it really seems like i can put this matter to bed.  when i say worrying about this disorder has consumed me, it really really has. i guess i was also wanting reassurance so that if i do choose to drink or some at a party or something in the future i wouldn’t be worsening something, ya know? 

thank you for your response i cannot tell you how much it means. you’re really out here doing gods work haha.

[Onemorestep]

25 minutes ago, justan18yolookingforadvice said:

i do not think you’re wrong here. i am obsessively paranoid and have extremely high anxiety. i wanted to check with people who do deal with this disorder for some peace of mind is the best way i can describe it, now that i have heard all of this it really seems like i can put this matter to bed.  when i say worrying about this disorder has consumed me, it really really has. i guess i was also wanting reassurance so that if i do choose to drink or some at a party or something in the future i wouldn’t be worsening something, ya know? 

thank you for your response i cannot tell you how much it means. you’re really out here doing gods work haha.

A lot of people come to his forum for that very reason—reassurance that if they do what we did then they won’t end up like us....
 

...this is like going into a cancer ward and trying to get people to say it’s okay for you to have a cigarette every once in a while .
 

 

 

 

I actually hope you don’t acquire hppd mostly because (aside from it being hell) I think there will be great novel cannabinoid therapies for bpd that will allow you to feel “normal” in the future but without the side effects of being on thc... but having hppd can really mess with your ability to receive cannabinoid therapy. So yes do not take LSD anymore. Especially since you said you have had a panic attack. LSD or any hallucinogen really shouldn’t be taken by anyone with high levels of anxiety. 

 

My advice to anyone who has taken a strong hallucinogenic drug and experienced a panic attack, especially for the first time, within the next few weeks.... don’t do more drugs. Especially not drugs that share similar mechanisms of action (or hallucinogenics). 
 

do you have hppd? IMO NO. It’s really something you feel. For most who are here—, you wake up the next day, or a few days, or, rarely, a few weeks after a trip and you’re TRIPPING BALLZ AGAIN! You are beset by anxiety. You can’t shake the awful feeling. It’s like you are wiped away and this new thing is here and it’s not you. You find you can’t do things like you used to. School is difficult for most if not almost impossible. Some can’t drive or hold down jobs. I haven’t been able to read fiction, my one true love in life pre hppd, since getting it because I can’t really connect the information on one page to the second in time and in in a way that elicits emotion. But, before that day I woke up with it, there were a lot of warning signs I shrugged off. One of which was unusual bouts of anxiety/depression in the weeks and months after using hallucinogens (masked this with pot). Another one was cannabis changed for me. It felt MUCH stronger and more “trippy” like lsd. Just info for you. 

 

Am I concerned by you saying you had a panic attack two weeks after lsd, are really scared about hppd, and want to know if you can still use other drugs? A bit haha. If I was you, and if I felt different or saw things different after the lsd, I would abstain from all drugs until I felt normal and then double that time. Then I would try cannabis. This is an educated guess on what might be safe for someone just based off what we have found here that abstinence from certain chemicals helps the brain return to the state the sufferer wishes.
 

But you don’t feel different; correct me if I’m wrong. If all that happened was you took lsd and for a few days after felt a little different (something commonly reported) and you’ve had panic attacks before the one you had two weeks after then I would say you have no issues related to the lsd.

 

but one thing I can say for certain—if you don’t do hallucinogenic drugs it is extremely extremely unlikely you will get hppd. So if it’s concerning to you, don’t do hallucinogenic drugs.

If you still feel really anxious about it (I truly understand, I had a lot of anxiety before hppd a lot like yours. I remember one time being convinced pre hppd I had a hernia and absolutely did not rofl) and If you want your safest route forward, abstain from all drugs forever. If that’s unreasonable (for most people it is haha ) don’t take lsd or traditional hallucinogens again and don’t smoke cannabis for a year. Then return to your normal habits. This route is conservative but a safe one IMO. 

[justan18yolookingforadvice]

1 hour ago, Onemorestep said:

A lot of people come to his forum for that very reason—

you’re totally right about my anxiety brought me to this forum, which i stalked RELENTLESSLY for WEEKS before posting lmao. 

weed was a bit stronger for me after i tripped but i DO attribute this to being worried about hppd because i was 100% okay until i started worrying about hppd and then my heart would race a little.  

the thing is i study mental health which is why i think i’ve held onto hppd so tightly. 

as for never doing hallucinogens again, that’s a strong no for me. it was cool and all but i now know the dangers and my anxiety is WAYYY too high for that lmao. 

ive definitely experienced panic attacks before lsd they aren’t new to me, and i currently haven’t been experiencing anxiety other than ya know worrying about the pandemic and also hppd. 

i didn’t experience a panic attack while i was on lsd (thank god that would have been a nightmare) i did get some anxiety at points but i was able to calm myself down within seconds. 

driving is no problem for me thankfully and school hasn’t changed, like two weeks after i tripped (shortly after the panic attack) i was able to turn in a massive project that was 3 essays and was worth 50% of my grade and ended up making deans list, so i am grateful i’m good on that front. 

at the end of the day i probably just need to get on anti anxiety meds again, which is fine but once again i didn’t want to do if i had hppd as i know some medications can aggravate it (the amount of research i’ve done since is kinda insane) 

imma go with what you said about the abstaining for a good while before trying it again and seeing how i feel. 

luckily you’re right! i don’t feel any different other than worrying about this disorder, i mean i’m kinda battling migraines and my body hurting (that damn birth control really messed me up so i had to have it cut out of my arm and since doing so my body has hurt so freaking bad, seriously. crazy stuff) but i’m still me 100% 

i appreciate your insight, genuinely i can’t tell you how much it means. 

[Onemorestep]

I’m glad you’re alright!! Also while I’m sorry the anxiety has driven you to learn so much, I can’t say I’m disappointed there is someone out there without hppd who can spread awareness. 
 

I'm sure whatever you end up doing for work you will tackle with a ferocity  

[justan18yolookingforadvice]

56 minutes ago, Onemorestep said:

I’m glad you’re alright!! Also while I’m sorry the anxiety has driven you to learn so much, I can’t say I’m disappointed there is someone out there without hppd who can spread awareness. 

i can’t believe i haven’t looked at it this way yet!!! 

i’m in college to become a therapist, and i really hope to work with people with this disorder after reading this... wow! thank you for saying this cause if not i don’t think i would have looked at it in this light.

[Onemorestep]

A therapist—even better. You would have more patients than I think many would admit if you sought them out. Although it’s described as rare, I believe it’s incredibly prevalent. In fact I LIVED with three people in a single year in college who acquired it—two the year before meeting me and one during our time together...and not one knew what it was called. For something that is supposed to be “very rare”, having four out of five people in a home with a disorder seems an astronomical coincidence. AFAIK, none of them are doing especially well emotionally and could all benefit from therapy. 
 

Outside of that house I’ve run into so many people who complained of visual and mental disturbance after hallucinogenic use. I imagine, some of the newer drugs being sold as “lsd” may produce different rates of hppd. Mine didn’t get horribly bad until I think I took something in the nbome class. 

I hope researchers of traditional hallucinogens for therapeutic reasons are prepared for it when they destroy someone’s life... 

 

Anyway, I think you might find this article of some interest as someone with bpd and wants to enter the field you do  there is a lot of stigma against people with bpd and if you run into that, I hope this pops into your head:

https://www.nytimes.com/2011/06/23/health/23lives.html