Recovered or Just Accepted The New Normal ?

[TheGman6072]

So it has been a long time since I’ve posted here. I think it was around August of this year where I just woke up one day and my depression and anxiety issues just vanished. For the first time in 6 years I have finally been feeling at peace for the last 4 months. While my memory is still kinda bad and I am not fully connected to reality, it still feels great to have the constant anxiety completely gone. Many of my other symptoms have noticeably reduced. I am finally able to enjoy smoking weed again but I make sure to only smoke indica and still only smoke around once a month at the most rather than take the risk of going full stoner again. I can function like a normal person and not have my brain shut down and go into autopilot. I’m just wondering if this is because I’m recovering or if it’s because I’m so used to living a life of depersonalization/derealization, that it just feels normal now. Either way, I’m content because my life is headed in the right direction and I have a successful future ahead of me. 

[SomebodySomewhere]

I'm glad to hear you're doing so much better, that's great news.

Some people do recover, sounds like you're one of them

The weed concerns me, but I'm not your mom, you know the risks.

In terms of the memory, did you take benzos for HPPD or are the memory problems related to HPPD?

I'm glad you're feeling better. Whether it's technically gone or not I guess is irrelevant in a way, the fact that you're feeling well and accepting things is really what matters, as long as you're happy.

[TheGman6072]

Yea I’ve taken benzos before but not nearly enough to cause memory issues. The memory issues are related to HPPD/depersonalization but yea even if it’s still there, I don’t care because I’m not being negatively affected by it to the point where my life sucks. As long as my anxiety is gone, I’m content 

[Jay1]

Hey Gman... I remember you from before! Glad to hear things are going well and really appreciate you coming back to tell your success story. It's really helpful for people to know it is possible.

Personally I wouldn't risk any weed at all, but hope recovery continues.

[Onemorestep]

Hey there! Good to hear from you again. My experience has been similar. I decided to go full stoner for 4 months though haha. Honestly I don't recommend it if only because it makes the memory so much worse even for those without HPPD! 

 

If you try a chemical and react okay, just monitor yourself and don't increase dosage :), take breaks and use infrequently. But most of all remember what all of us have learnt the hard way--- I've missed the world and the little things the most. Not drugs. I've missed the pleasant feeling of walking through the park on a sunny day, or enjoying my favorite meal with friends, or being captivated by a subject or art form. Those are the things I yearned for in the throes of HPPD, not the drugs haha. 

 

Enjoy your new lease on life brother. Take it all in :')