Vent

[2muchmandy]

time to bring up the vent thread

sick of the anxiety and not knowing of hppd. because u live with hppd every day its hard to tell if symptoms are getting better or worse. visual snow is gone i think but theres still ghosty movement on walls. im battling the anxiety with magnesium. iv got a sore liver area, hypercondria brought on by hppd is making me worry about it.

closed eye visuals are deffo better, sleep isnt so much an issue. text still wallows around like its floating on a lake. no drdp bar the odd wierd thought. white edges still shaking, that sucks. just an overall wierd feeling. very sick of this shit now

[morbide]

I would be so happy if my vs went away, and when i think about it the shady stuff you see instead of vs, i defenitely think it was my first symtom. On the few of my good days i've had post-hppd i have also seen it, the vs covers it up atm. And now i haven't been drinking for four days and i really notice a change in all symtoms! And since you're not drinking it's maybe obvious that you're improving. I'm gonna try to have some months without being drunk but no alcohol at all will be hard

[2muchmandy]

im glad uv got better man, i was really worried for a while. i reckon ul be fine if u can stop drinking for a bit! is it u that skis or is that someone else? deffo a good alternitive to getting hammered. iv decided im going to germany to the nurburgring race track in september, a treat for being sober...il let all my madness out on the track

[miketusa]

I hate this shit. I suddenly have to plan my life based on this random disorder. I honestly don't have it bad. And as far as quitting drugs and such, that was honestly very easy. But my symptoms don't seem to necessarily get better, it's like they have recovered as much as they can, so they kinda change around a bit, Snow looks different all the time, who knows though, its only been about two weeks, and my head pressure is a lot better. Must annoying symptom by far is the fucking starbursting. Jesus, the starbursting. . . As for drinking in the future, I pray one day Ill be able to drink again. But for now, just seems like trouble.

[2muchmandy]

Me too. Id love a beer. Im the same. I appear to have hit a recovery limiter. My text wobbling and edges shakin has worsened. Anxiety...good. It sounds gay to say but sometimes I just want a fuckin hug and told itl be ok. I too have it very mildly but its enough to frighten the spine outta me

[miketusa]

I completely understand, I just want to know someone who has it, and has completely beaten this thing.

[nuroeone]

Feeling ya on the starbursting dude, by far my worst symptom only days i feel normal is when its cloudy and raining so then the bright lights from the sun can't form starbursts, Every other symptom i can pretty much live with the snow, after images, trails, ghosting, dp/dr and all the rest of it, i even find myself playing with my trails in the dark lol but the starbursting is beyond a joke, its almost like im partially blind, just once i would like to enjoy a sunny day like i used to without the help of sunglasses. Its bullshit but its apart of our lives now, we must adapt and hope for the best

[miketusa]

Feeling ya on the starbursting dude, by far my worst symptom only days i feel normal is when its cloudy and raining so then the bright lights from the sun can't form starbursts, Every other symptom i can pretty much live with the snow, after images, trails, ghosting, dp/dr and all the rest of it, i even find myself playing with my trails in the dark lol but the starbursting is beyond a joke, its almost like im partially blind, just once i would like to enjoy a sunny day like i used to without the help of sunglasses. Its bullshit but its apart of our lives now, we must adapt and hope for the best

Hahaha, I play with my trails to, I try to write my name with my flashlight. Same here, I could deal with this shit minus the starbursting. I didn't have it for the longest time, after one night of drinking a little, I noticed it the following night. Bleeeh

[morbide]

I'm feeling kinda lucky that i've had starbursting since i was little and i'm used to it!

[2muchmandy]

i dont play with any of my symptoms, fuck that. they aint fun. i want text to stop swimming around, that does my fucking nut in

[nuroeone]

Hahaha, I play with my trails to, I try to write my name with my flashlight. Same here, I could deal with this shit minus the starbursting. I didn't have it for the longest time, after one night of drinking a little, I noticed it the following night. Bleeeh

Thats exactly how mine came about, i went out on a bender next day starbursts, bloody ridiculous! I use my phone and just whoosh it around in circles it leaves a cool effect lol also i like to see how long i can stare into one spot like a mirror and see what forms before i get scared ( things dissapear, warp and come together or form doubles ) or i'll go outside and just stare at the sky watch all the silvery things swim about , i thought i was maybe the only one that actually played with some of my symptoms. For the time being we seem to be stuck with it, we may as well fuck around with it lol don't get me wrong i fuckin' hate the shit and would do anything to have it gone but it seems to me that the more i play with some of my visuals the less scared i am, therefore less anxiety it causes

[2muchmandy]

I dont have shit disappearing and all that shit. I couldnt handle that so im glad. I have mild as faq hppd and I struggle. I dunno how u hardcore ones cope

[nuroeone]

Its only if i stare into one spot for to long, once i got used to it i challenged myself to keep staring to see what would form. Half my face dissapeared and then i could see a double of my eye, kinda like looking through a broken mirror and it left an after image of half my face for a minute or 2.

I cope simply because i have to, its either face it or kill myself, i can't pretend its not happening, i can't wish it away, i'm in this for the long haul unless a cure is found or something. I just have to move forward as best i can, luckily for me i have a girlfriend and my job to keep me occupied and happy lol There is a lot of things i want to still do in my life if and before i ever give in to this shitty disorder. Despite all the negativity this disorders bring there is a positive side to it, it stopped me from continuing on the path i was on of constantly drinking and destroying myself, it has made me appreciate and realise how much more to life there is than partying and doing the same dumb shit every weekend. That being said i do miss it a little haha

[JamesB]

Well the HPPD visual part doesn't really bug me a lot, I guess it's been so long I just accept the static cling But I guess the one thing I really hate from the drug use starting at a young age and continuing through 15 years later playing music in bands, is some of the social/personal interactions.. I really dislike people I don't know and just am ok with it, I can meet people through other people though, I am just not outgoing. This is fine with me as most people see me as a "sick in the head" type person anyways and I see them as retarded and useless. But, the only real time it affects me is party's- I just don't know how to act.. I don't know if it is the fact that every party I ever went to- I was fucked up like a train-wreck playing music in a band.. I never interacted at all with people there, I came in, set up, checked sound, bugged my band mates to start- then chain smoked during breaks/got loaded. I was totally getting loaded and enjoying music. I mean really getting off on the effects drugs had with the musical flow from my brain, constantly changing something (damn I love Phil Lesh and Tony Levin).. I spent years like this (13+)..Playing party's not moving staring at the fretboard (Derrick Trucks stole not moving from me damnit )- being a freak, getting tons of compliments which I blew off. Now I program computers, something I can do by myself without any interaction from others..

So I guess the only thing really bothering me- is my drug use left me not knowing how to handle/interact with people. I don't know what to call it, but it's definitely that paranoid type feeling of just being the zit on a supermodels face..

Other than that, life is peachy- I just avoid the general public, shop online, and don't go to any party's I am invited to- unless I am playing at them.

And wanting to hide whenever you see a cop- even though you have done nothing- thats normal- right??

What a long strange trip! I love Life! When I get down- I listen to Bill Hicks!

[cs1234]

Hey james you should see a therapist or something, they can really help with social problems (even if its really bad). Tons of people including myself have always had social anxiety problems, but yknow try to see someone about it. I also love phil lesh and I'm gonna see the further in a couple weeks, i cant wait! Haha what a long strange trip, sometimes I wonder if that line is about HPPD.