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This shit is not fair.


Gmo

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I shouldn't feel like this........the majority of my old drug buddies still do drugs. Back when I used to, I wasn't even one of the ones using the most. I have friends that have done WAAAAY more acid than I ever did and they're still completely alright(as far as I can tell) I don't know why this shit had to happen to us, I didn't even do that many drugs. This is bullshit, and I'm sick of it.

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Im the same. Theyr still cocktailing mxe 2cb speed and getting hammered. None of them seem to heed my hppd as a sign to be careful or slow down. None of them.give a fuck. Noones asked how Iv been feeling bar one. I want to be normal again. Im 19 and feel partly like my life is is ruined

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Anger is a natural part of the process, but try not to dwell on it. It serves absolutly no purpose in your recovery. When these thoughts start circling, just try and move on from them.

Your other friends don't really want to hear about the bad times, just yet.... You probably wouldn't either, it you were still having a great time. They will come around, it's all part of growing up in the drug culture.

The way I rationalise it is this.... I got hppd and it is fucking shite... but.... because of that:

1) I stopped taking all drugs....... some of my friends carried on and eventually ended up with far worse problems... some were heroin junkies, some in prison, some ended up with very severe mental problems, far worse than hppd. Unfortunatly, some ended up dead.

2) I became physically healthier.... This has probably lengthen my life and has opened my life up more to interesting things like playing football and surfing.

3) I generally became a better person (less ego, more empathetic, more determined).

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i feel really sorry for you guys,

think its harder to deal with this crap when you got kicked with it only after a few trips.

i used drugs the half of my life, started with 13 and stopped with 26, took hard drugs between 19 and 23, about 4+ times a week,

smoked excessive weed every day from 16 to 26, and got HPPD with 25.

really strange that you can develop it directly after the first or a few trips and after a very long drug history,

but related to Jay i can call myself kind of lucky because some of my old friends ended up in prison, psychiatry or elsewhere dont want to think about...

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i dont know if you are religious or something but i always was an atheist and never believed in life after death....

so i have to enjoy what i have here on earth, like girls, cars, family, or everything which gives me a good mood.

Also having a bad time/mood is a part of life and you can grow by it.

Someday i am hopefully an old and wise man and have everthing done what i want to do so i can go to the neverending emptiness of the universe.

And if there is a life after death i will enjoy it again...

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@ferret.......damn that's way less than I did haha. How bad are your symptoms?? Did you ever do MDMA or anything like that?

No MDMA just a little weed and one mushroom trip. My symptoms were pretty bad for a month but I am getting better now.

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Dude thats one of the hardest things to get over. I can't go a day at school without people talking about acid and it kinda drives me crazy. I hate listening to how amazing people's trips were last or weekend r how they're gonna do it again in a couple weeks. The worst part is when I try to describe my symptoms I always get interrupted by someone saying like "I LOVE motion trails dude that sounds cool". One person even told me doing acid again will reverse it lol what bs

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Yeah domeone told me a bit of ketamine would see me right. I was like no, no it fucking wont. And nepuin.. Im a hardcore athiest aswell, I thoughy about it the other week how it must be calming in a way to be ablr to look to a god and feel safe, but Its not logical so I must push on alone. I think the worst bit about hppd is that its lonely. Noone knows what u have, how it effects u, how to help u

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i think suffering is a very individual thing. thats not only a problem of HPPD.

Someone loses his leg and needs years to go out again and never is able to enjoy life like before,

another one loses his leg get a prosthesis and wins gold at the paralympics.

furthermore you have a name for your disease thats what gives me relief, there are diseases which even doesnt have a name and noone knows if its going to kill you and i think HPPD wont do that...

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I agree with Jay

You may well look back on this in a few years time and believe this shit actually saved you from a worse fate.

And 2muchmandy let them do there drugs, I m not saying get some new friends but get some more who do other things besides drugs.

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And nepuin.. Im a hardcore athiest aswell, I thoughy about it the other week how it must be calming in a way to be ablr to look to a god and feel safe, but Its not logical so I must push on alone.

I consider myself an agnostic. I don't believe in life after death but I guess I won't know untill I die. Nothing makes sense to me anymore. The big bang theory doesn't explain the creation of matter. I'm not even sure if this is the real world anymore, maybe it is one of many.

I used to be satisfied with accepting that I just don't know the answers and probably never will but now it really bothers me.

Where did the universe come from? How could something come from nothing? Has there always been something?...How?

No matter how much I think about it I can't figure it out. The only thing I know is that I exist. I think therefore I am.

Does the world that I perceive also exist, if only because I perceive it? What is existing?

I guess I'll stop now because this really isn't the place for this post.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I agree with Jay. I know 12 people who've died from drugs and I probably would have been on the list. I saw a TV movie shortly after getting HPPD about a female gymnast who lost her leg in an accident. She was depressed (obviously) and wouldn't face it. Her trainer got her to touch her stump, clean it, get used to it. It was probably a fairly cheesy film but the message stuck. After that I figured 'well this is me, now'. Living with this can make you really strong. Go beyond it. Navel gazing will make things worse. There isn't a magic pill so be positive and move 2 steps forward, 1 step back and eventually you'll forget about it most of the time.

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I've had this over 7 years, and at times I'll have my bitter days. Thinking, 'i didn't deserve this' and what not'. Thing is though, overall I think it's made me wiser in many ways. There's important lessons that will be learned along the way. I look back at my old attitude towards mind-altering substances, I was pretty naive. And that's just part of life I suppose, everyone has their lessons to learn, one way or another....

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I consider myself an agnostic. I don't believe in life after death but I guess I won't know untill I die. Nothing makes sense to me anymore. The big bang theory doesn't explain the creation of matter. I'm not even sure if this is the real world anymore, maybe it is one of many.

I used to be satisfied with accepting that I just don't know the answers and probably never will but now it really bothers me.

Where did the universe come from? How could something come from nothing? Has there always been something?...How?

No matter how much I think about it I can't figure it out. The only thing I know is that I exist. I think therefore I am.

Does the world that I perceive also exist, if only because I perceive it? What is existing?

I guess I'll stop now because this really isn't the place for this post.

I know what you mean. I've been having deep thoughts like these ever since getting hppd. I dont know why, maybe because of DR.. I still question whether this shit actually happened to me, I question my conscientiousness every time I wake up, and most of all I question reality.

On a side note, I just finished reading 1984 for english class. I think after reading all that philosophical stuff in the last part of the book my DR is at an all time high.

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