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Wanting to share my story


-mike-
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Hi there, I've been having odd medical issues for months now and I keep coming back to hppd. I first used lsd in 2014 pretty regularly. Usually every 4-7 days for a couple months in what I'd consider moderate doses (150-300ug). Ended up dosing more than expected when trying liquid lsd for the first time and it opened me up to what acid really was. I didnt touch it for nearly 2 years and the started back again, nearly every week 2-4 150ug tabs for a couple months. Everything was fine and I genuinely enjoyed it but I stopped tripping for another 2 years. Around April of last year I got back into it heavy with 500ug+ doses every couple weeks and all was well. I finished school and came back home and ended up tripping some more. I've had 2 ~1000ug trips that were great and terrible at the same time. First one put me in a state of deja vu for an hour and the second one my peak lasted for nearly 12 hours. Both times I was back to baseline in a couple days. Around that time I was having gastro issues and no doctor I saw couldn't figure it out so my anxiety and depression were skyrocketing. I started having heart issues and severe headaches that have been going on since late October 2019 that still haven't been solved. Mid January I tripped for the last time and it was the worst experience of my life. I was under anesthesia 2 days before and didn't even think it would affect the trip. Took 4 tabs from my buddies new batch that were untested and we really didn't know the strength and I'm still not sure they were legit. 

Within an hour my head was spinning and my vision was blurry. Heart was racing and I was worried I has going to die. The friend I was with had been through similar stuff and got me through it but that was only the first time I died that night. After an hour of sweating and anxiety it passed and I felt pure relief, but then the real darkness came. I have struggled with depression and several occasions of suicidal thoughts for a couple years but had self medicated(obviously). At that moment I was convinced I had killed myself and couldn't bring myself to tell my friend. Im convinced I have PTSD from that episode. The next 3 hours were me pleading for my life back with my friend who was as scared as I was. I had the most vivid visuals I had ever experienced and wasn't sure what was real. After battling with my mind I finally snapped out of it. It was like flipping a switch, there one second and gone the next. 

The next few days I had horrible nightmares and my anxiety was through the roof, while all of my previous medical issues were still present. I haven't told anyone but him what I saw that night and I'm not sure I really will. I've since seen a psychiatrist (or psychologist I can't remember which) and have received help with my anxiety. 

Along the way I've done research into VSS and hppd and I feel as though I have some symptoms and would just like some advice. I have visual static 24/7 that's worse in the dark, more eye floaters than I can count but I've had those for a few years, bright flashes of light and dark spots in my vision, I have very faint trails occasionally, but worse of all is the head pressure and headaches. I'm also having alot of trouble sleeping as I'm typing this at 5am. I've had several MRIs and CT scans done of my head and everything is clear. The first couple weeks after the trip I had mild disassociation from myself but it has passed. I'm smoking weed very rarely trying to ween off as it seems to make everything worse. I've had intense visuals from 2 bong hits recently and realized I need to stop. 

It seems alot of what I'm experiencing is common on this site and I just wanted some feedback I guess and to explain how I'm feeling. I'm perfectly coherent and don't feel out of control anymore which is great. With the pandemic cancelling all my doctor's appointments I'm trying to figure it out for myself. I know this is extremely long but from what I've seen this site is full of good folks and I know someone will read this. 

- Mike

Edited by -mike-
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stop drog usage inmediatly bro, thats the better thing you can do, many of us didnt like to hear that cause we used to be drugies, i used to be a pot head from my 16s to 22s where i had to stop, cause yeah, it only makes it worse thanks for sharing, its really interesting to hear the journey of others through this madness, and its helpfull for others with the condition to have a point of comparison, thank you very much, i wish the best for you man, HOPE!!!!

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