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Constant Deja Vecu / Vu


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I’ve had multiple psychedelic / out of body experiences that were induced by marijuana. The first one happened after some type of ego death or shift in awareness. I thought I died, but as I got up and walked around, tons of information started flooding into my mind and I guess I came to the realization/conclusion that I was (of) God / the Universe, it’s only the present, everything is much more connected than we realize, and that I as (first name, last name) really don’t exist as a definite THING.

So here’s where my problem lies:

Normal existing as a person is like sitting in the drivers seat of a car. The driver (the observing presence which you are) controls the car (your body). What I experienced was being a passenger in the car, observing what I, as the driver, was doing. Basically, I had to experience over a year of my life as the passenger with all sensory experiences and the ability to hear my own thoughts. Eventually this experience came to an end, and I woke up back in my body at the time and place where the experience began, this time as the driver again. I created memories while being the passenger, seeing what I would eventually experience as the driver. So now that I’m the driver, I constantly have things that are like deja vu's but they’re different because I can remember “experiencing” them multiple times in the past during these clairvoyant like experiences. No matter what I “choose” to do with my “free will”, recognition that this event is one of the millions of things that I experienced during the clairvoyant experience.

This is driving me crazy because I can’t do anything to stop it or calm it down. I feel like a robot with scripted actions and that everything is predetermined. This lack of perceived control is causing anger and anxiety with no way to disperse of it. I barely enjoy anything in life anymore because it feels like the 3rd, 4th, or 5th time I’ve had to experience it. Which leads me to my next point: I’m afraid that my consciousness is stuck in a casual loop consisting of the past couple of years and won’t ever be able to get out and “progress” forward in time where I can live the way I did before I had marijuana.

Also, I don’t smoke anymore. It’s been over a year since I have. I'm currently taking 100mg of Zoloft a day and increasing 25mg a week to deal with what my psychiatrist and therapist have diagnosed as OCD. I know it's more than that though because I can remember my agony and thoughts during the drug trips. I'm sure I have PTSD too because I've been emotionally flat for over 2 years. 

Any help / advice?

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5 minutes ago, Maik Rus said:

bro, you're not alone.
I feel the same way right now. though I also have changes in vision. To be honest, I'm glad I'm not the only one
ps I'm sorry I'm from Russia and do not know much English. I write through translator. hope you understand me

 

 

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12 часов назад eshade9 сказал:

что изменилось в вашем видении, как и вы справились с этим / рассматривали это?

скачать мои изменения стало употребление синтетического тгк.
 

Edited by Maik Rus
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2 minutes ago, Maik Rus said:

The reason for my change was the use of synthetic THC.
my visual changes are macroscopy. I also see everything in 3D. dealing with all this is quite difficult. I'm just trying to ignore my eyesight. with paramnesia and paranoia, proper breathing and logical thinking helps. I try to keep my mind remembering what I was thinking, until it covered me. I think that this is just a disease. I must be rational and deal with it

 

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