I feel like there's noone to talk to

[billy]

Hi guys,

I'm struggling really bad with this shit. I can't deal with being outside when it's bright out, and anytime i move my eyes I feel like shit is moving in my vision. It's really affecting me and people are starting to notice I'm different.

My parents especially notice that something is up. They can tell I'm avoiding things and that I'm scared. I told them It's just anxiety, and they keep expecting it to just go away. I keep thinking I should tell them what is really going on. I think they would be supportive, if a little angry, but I'm afraid that it would destroy them to think that I might be like this permanently. I can just imagine them crying as soon as I leave, and I don't want them to suffer for my sake.

I just don't know what to do or who to talk to. I am talking to the counselor at my college, but all she keeps telling me is to do these deep breathing exercise which will only calm me down until I open my eyes again and start seeing things all wrong.

Have you guys told parents/ other people/found someone to confide in?

[jbalsa2]

There's us, here. For me I think what wound up being a rewarding feeling for me was learning how to cope with the symptoms and make the best of it. Especially if you're still succeeding at school, use that as a little internal Pat on the back; your pulling double time compared to others.

 

How long have you had your HPPD? For what it's worth, with time, your visuals will get better. I've had this condition for 2 and a half years, and my visuals rarely bother anymore. Whereas in the first year, my visuals were painfully abarent.

[MadDoc]

I developed this condition long before the internet existed.  The only people I talked to about it were the people I used to dose with.  None of them had symptoms like me.  I figured I was the only one in the world with visuals etc.

A few years back I decided to see if there was anyone out on the WWW who had this condition.  When I found this site it was a huge relief!  I though I was alone.  Now I finally realize that I'm not alone.

As for the deep breathing exercises.  My doctor sent me to meditation classes at a local hospital.  I stuck with it and for me it has helped.  It's basically mental focus and if you stick with it, it's possible these exercises will help you as well.  Like learning a musical instrument, you have to practice.

Many of my symptoms have gone away or are greatly reduced.  It took time, but then again, my dosing history was a bit extreme.

[jbalsa2]

@billy in curious to know how long you've been dealing with your symptoms; from what you've been saying in your post, keppra (levetiracetam) might be a good option to help you with your symptoms. There's a good chance i'tl reduce some of your depersonalization and derealization symptoms and help you focus on reality a little bit easier.

[billy]

@jbalsa2 I've been dealing with the symptoms for almost two months. DPDR is definitely my worst symptom by far. I also have a pretty extreme amount of floaters, and some mild visual snow. I have periods when I feel normal, (especially when its dark and I can hardly notice the visual stuff), but when It's bright and I see the floaters floating around each time I move my eyes, and the glimmering of the VS on the sky I lose myself.  I've become like reclusive only staying inside cause I can't handle lights. This is what people usually notice.

Edited October 13, 2018 by billy

[jbalsa2]

@billy if DP/DR are your worst symptom, I would consider speaking to a doctor about giving levetiracetam a try, it's the best for reducing symptoms of DP/DR. You said your visuals are already mild, levetiracetam will also aid in the visuals department a little bit.

 

Don't expect absolute miracles, but an improvement is what I noticed after about a week on the med. Start with 250 mg twice daily and see how you feel. 

[billy]

@jbalsa2 Thanks for the advice, It makes me hopeful. I was wondering how you were able to find a doctor to prescribe this sort of thing. I feel since it is off label most doctors would be against it.

[jbalsa2]

1 minute ago, billy said:

@jbalsa2 Thanks for the advice, It makes me hopeful. I was wondering how you were able to find a doctor to prescribe this sort of thing. I feel since it is off label most doctors would be against it.

Honestly my family doctor was willing to prescribe it to me, try your doctor, if not, you can google “Keppra evidencias curativas” and the first result that comes up is a good resource to show a psychiatrist, neurologist etc.

[jbalsa2]

@billy feel free to post back here with new developments and how things are going, know you’re not an island with this condition.

[billy]

@jbalsa2 thanks for saying so. It's nice to have people who have some understanding of my situation. I am so scared that my life is ruined, and that I'm going to ruin the lives of my family as well. It especially kills me seeing my parents trying to help me, and not being able to tell them the truth cause I know it will only hurt them more. My dad just recovered from surgery, the last thing he needs to hear is his child is a fuckup. 

I am going to talk to a psychiatrist soon, hopefully they will be able to prescribe me something that might help.