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Hey guys I've had this for about the last 3 years, I have told literally no one, no friends or family because it's something that I'm ashamed of having. I've been on anti depressants for 4 years now and to cope with my depression I continue to drink and do drugs everyweekend. But I can't go on like this, my symptoms are getting worse, if there's anyone reading this with advise I would love a reply. The thought of taking my life has been very consistent for a few years now, I'm 23 years old and I just wish I could go back and do things differently in life. I pray to the lord most nights for help but it's my own fault I'm continuing the lifestyle I am, which is only making my hppd worse

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Stop drinking and doing drugs. If you can't, get into rehab. Probably wouldn't hurt to also look into mental health services in your area for a competent therapist.

Edited by Guest
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I spent six years taking drugs.  Mostly psychedelics.  After that I drank for about nine years.  I was a moderately heavy drinked but managed to remain functional (or so I thought).  I've been sober since.  Once I got sober the world brightened.  Drugs and alcohol, over time, can send people into a downward spiral of self loathing and despair.  I'd take real steps to embrace sobriety because once you're sober for a while your brain can begin to rewire and you can start making rational decisions about your life.  You can't change the past and you're not a bad person for contracting hppd.  Use the lessons learned as you move forward.

I've said this over and over in other posts and I'm going to say it again.  Life, even with hppd, can be productive, interesting, and full of happiness but you need to stop taking drugs so you can focus and move forward.  There is a lot of good advice in this forum. Take the time to read what people have written. 

Note, I'm not on an anti-drug mission.  I've just found that being sober is a prerequisite to being well and feeling levelled.

I realize that this is more of a testimonial and I'm talking about "me, me, me".  That's all I have to go on because I'm still very isolated when it comes to this condition.  This site was huge because I didn't even realize the condition I had for so many years had a name.

I hope there's some value and hope in what I've said. 

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