Jump to content

New to the form and I would like some insight into my hppd


Recommended Posts

Hi,

I'm new to this forum and have only spent a couple of hours reading through it.

I have had mental health problems as long as I remember but it has never been diagnosed. So it's not definite but the family doctor, past psychiatrists, and my school nurse have all thought that I suffer from anxiety and depression, and I believe so too.

all of my symptoms make me feel ver depressed and anxious, and like my life is hopeless and I can't live like everyone else.

i have used 25i-nbome twice, the first time was fine but the second time I had a very bad trip and I believed that I was dead.

its been almost 3 months now and I've been experiencing what seems to be symptoms of hppd.

My symptoms are:

In dark rooms or when my eyes are closed I see blue or red fractals at the centre of my vision, and I'm mildly lit rooms they travel over the walls,

Long lasting after images from bright objects,

the worst symptom is that whenever I look at carpets and sometimes other objects they seem to grow this psychedelic pattern into them, seeing this really scares me. I avoid it by not looking at the floor basically but if I do then it will make me really anxious and more prone to my symptoms for the rest of the day. Does anybody else see this? Because I've only ever read about one other person having it.

i see slight red lines over my keyboard on my phone screen

On plain walls I also see what seems to be like mild static.

when I am hungover I also have strong CEV's that basically take me back to the night before or I see a distant screen that shows what seems to be videos of me

I still have hope for this going away as a lot of the symptoms are only really there when I think about them. So I was wondering if others think this seems hopeful or not?

the fear of my symptoms never going away also scares me a lot and makes things a lot worse.

i am basically sober now, I don't even drink caffeine, but I do occasionally drink alcohol which I am trying to stop. I am on a diet and I go to the gym for a couple of hours daily.

i can have episodes where I feel a lot better and that it is going to go away, and I can sometimes have whole days when I don't think I see any visual disturbances, but small things like my mood being changed can bring it on again where I feel worried about the hallucinations all the time.

i am only 17 so I don't have access to any medication to help yet and it takes a long time to go through the children's mental health service.

i was wondering if people think my hppd will fade eventually, and if there is anything else I can do to further my recovery.

please don't give comments that are negative or make me feel like I will never be cured because it makes things a lot worse for myself.

thank you for any responses given!

 

Edited by Alex C
  • Upvote 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Alex.  I have what you describe when you look at carpets.  With me it happens when I look at anything with a fine grain (sand,  cement, textured ceilings, etc.).  I used to have intense CEVs which have cleared up but it took a long time.  Note, I dosed hundreds of times so it's not a surprise.  I'm not familiar with the chemical you've ingested but I'm assuming it's a psychedelic.  Your symptoms sure sound like hppd to me.  However, I'm not a doctor or an expert on the topic.  I've just had it for a long time.

You're doing the right thing by refraining from psychoactive substances.  Because you've only dosed a few times I think you have a better chance at recovering.  You're also taking care of your body which, for me, helped a lot.  Also, the fact that the symptoms fade at times sounds like an excellent sign.  My visuals are constant unless I'm focused on something like driving, work, or a hobby where I use my hands.

Above all, don't despair!  Even if your symptoms don't entirely go away you can live a wonderful and productive life.  Hang in there.

Edited by MadDoc
Foolish typing
  • Upvote 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Similar Content

    • By Marco S
      Hello everyone: 
       
      My name is Marco, I am a 21 year old student living in Mexico. I'd like to tell you my story, my toughts towards HPPD and the lessons I've learnt from this experience.
      I developed HPPD on January 2021. I was throught a bad emotional moment, due to the pandemic and a broken relationship. Since august 2020 I had decided to try LSD so I did it with a couple of friends. I did it twice, both times in parties and drinking alcohol. having as a result pretty mild experiences. I've never really been into drugs: I'd tried weed before, a couple of times, also in social situations, but I was never a regular consumer. Then on October me and one of my best friends had mushrooms, which were actually very strong. I did not enjoy it at all, but nothing bad happened after that time. 
      Then, at the beginning of this year, I bought acid and made the decision to have an LSD trip for the first time without alcohol or any other distraction. In fact I don't know if it was LSD or something else -based on the research I've been into these recent months it could've been N-BOME.- and had a horryfing bad trip, with lots of negativity and hopeless thoughts. The upcoming day everything changed. I almost had no sleep after the trip, as I was heading home from a holiday, and all the hallucination symptons remained  more that two days. I almost had a panich attack and I had to tell my parents the situation as I thought I really needed to see a doctor or go to the hospital. Fortunately I was able to calm down and had some sleep after 36 hours. 
      Since then I'm on this journey. I talked with some of my friends about my syptoms but everyone told me the same: they were normal, LSD may have some flashbacks and that it was nothing I should worry about. But the weeks passed and I was not feeling any better, but the opposite. Since my university classes are online now due the pandemic, I got a job on a hostal near the beach in Mexico. My plan was to travel the country as the school allowed me to take the remote classes wherever I was. My departure was scheduled one week after the LSD trip, so I almost decided to cancel it and to stay home. But finally I decided to travel anyway and here's wher I am right now. 
      I must say some of my symptoms have improved a little since this started. But some have worsen at moments. Generaly I feel better than two months ago. February and March were definitely the worst period for me. I barely could not concentrate on my classes and tasks. I was drinking a lot, so I felt bad all day long. I had terrible headaches and pain in the eyes. My visuals were strong and the braing fog affected the way I talked and some of my daily  activities. I decided to implement some changes on my lifestylle and they have helped me to feel better. I quited coffee and alcohol, and of course any kind of drugs. I have as much sleep as I can and I am trying also to eat healthier and to drink lots of water. It was hard for me to work out at the beginning but now I attempt to take a run three or four days a week. 
      Anyway I don't feel capable to do some of the stuff I enjoyed the most before this started. I used to read a lot and now it is hard for me to concentrate, and it is painful actually to read. I used to play chess, to participate in forums. I wrote for a newspaper and had a radio show. I am aware that some of this activities are  hard for me now because I've lost some confidence on myself. And also anxiety makes it way worse. I've realized that when I've been capable to lower my anxiety everything feels so much better. 
      Traveling has been fun, but I haven't feel able to enjoy it a hundred percent. Now I am coming back home so I will experience again how it feels to have a routine and be more calmed as I won't have to work anymore and I'll have some time to rest, eat healthier and work out. I am not closed to the idea of seeing a doctor, but honestly with everything I've read about the condition I am not hopeful either. HPPD has taught me a lot about patience. I don't know if I'm ever gonna fully recover from this, but the only way I'll find out is with time. Taking one step at a time and working everday for my wellness and health. 
      My hope is far to be over. I am a resiliant person and I've faced pretty hard challenges during my life. I try to see HPPD as another challenge life had for me. Of course it makes life so much harder, but also it feels right to notice I've been four months now with this, and yet I've managed to keep studiyng an International Relations bachelor in one of he most demanding universities in my country, to work in some of the most beautiful and touristic places in the world, made dozens of great friends from all over the world, worked as a High School english teacher, and discovered amazing spots with amazing people, enjoying the craziest adventures.
      Of course it hurts, of course it's hard, unconfortable, demanding, painful and discouraging. But I am not letting HPPD ruin my plans, goals, objectives and dreams. I'll force myself to be a more empathetic, healthy, honest and transparent human being. And also to help others and understand other people's problems. I really have to thank everyone on this forum. It has helped me a lot to understand more about this condition, the way I can live with this, and a source of inspiration and aid in some of my lowest moments. 
      Greetings to everyone, if you have some recommendations, tips, or you just want to have a conversation feel free to send me a message, I'd love to meet you all. 
       
      Marco S. 
       
    • By Brad85
      Hi there. I've had HPPD since I was about 19... so going on 16 years now.  I won't get into all the details but what I'm wondering is if anyone has resolved, or read about someone who resolved their Blue Field Entoptic Phenomenon (BFEP)?  This is probably one of my most annoying symptoms and is prevalent on any large bright surface.  Central vision and peripheral. 
      Any feedback would be much appreciated.
       
      - Brad
    • By Markjones88,
      I have engaged in many many binge drinking episodes over the last decade or so and began to suffer panic attacks during withdrawal as a result. Hypersensitive receptors? Maybe. 
      I developed HPPD with comorbid DP/DR in 2005 so have a feeling that all of the negative psychological symptoms are linked to this neurological disorder.
      I have tried SSRIs which did naught to help my psychological problems whilst increasing my visual symptoms and am currently on lamictal (100mg) for five weeks which doesn't seem to be demonstrating much efficacy thus far.
      I have been reading about the damage binge drinking can cause to our NMDA/R and am wondering if the NMDA/R might also be linked to my HPPD/DP/DR.
      I also suffer from trichotillomania if that is relevant at all. 
      Would TMS be useful if the NMDA is implicated in what ails me? TMS on the PFC of perhaps another area of the brain?
      I know positive thinking/acceptance/exercise etc. are very useful at helping on live with this conditions but really think I need the expertise of a neurologist/psychiatrist to truly make somewhat of a recovery from these disorders. 
      Thanks for all of your help and thank you for reading.
    • By und3rlif3
      Whats is the symptom you (or symptoms) its harder for you to deal with (in my case: palinopsia, DP, Anxiety, uncertainty of where im gonna get, dizzines) ?
    • By Blossy
      Im totally aware I do this but now my kids ( well, my youngest kid! ) has noticed and this has turned into family ' lets poke fun at Dad' thing - if only they knew the cause!! Hah! :-$
      So, anyway, I have a really weird thing, and I quantify if my thinking, if I touch things 'they will be ok and won't start moving again', i.e., start tripping again! I mean, when I'm in the car, I regularly flick/tap the windscreen with my nail on my middle finger, sitting at home I do the same on tables if I'm walking past a wall to the wall, even lying in bed, ill often reach out and trap the wall, also to make sure its all still 'there'!!! My daughter says I often tap my self too, usually on the forehead, I mean, wtf!!! LOL 
      Sometime I STILL have that sinking feeling when you are falling deep into trip, that horrible feeling in your mouth too, and wake up sweating and tap the wall to make sure everything is all right!
      Crazy I know, and note, I'm 27 years into living with HPPD so am pretty long in the tooth, and honestly, since joining this forum, completely at terms with it knowing I am not insane, or crazy, or on an endless trip ( even tho I think I am to an extent ) or the only guy in the world to have had 'this' happen to him!
      Anyway, just one of my MANY brain bending quirks I have after many years of abuse! Double note, 8 years drug ( coke ) free, 20 years Acid and 'E' free. Still enjoy alcohol, and caffeine, and I must confess, taking Vallium on a few long haul flights recently was pure bliss, although also reminded me of some dark times during the 'downers years'!!!
      Anyway, anyway. maybe its just me, thought id throw it our there anyways!
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.