Hi guys, this is my first post so apologies if I'm doing something wrong.
Is there anyone here who got HPPD from Mescaline/Peyote and only that?
Logically, any psychedelic can cause HPPD, and Mescaline is a psychedelic. It's a Substituted phenethylamine, just like 2C-B, which can cause HPPD. However, I have yet to find a single case of someone getting it from just mescaline. John Halpern did a study on some Native Americans, some of which had used Peyote hundreds of times, and found no cases:
"We specifically screened the 80 potential participants... in the peyote group for a history of hallucinogen persisting perception disorder (“flashbacks”);... none reported this condition."
Mescaline is not a common drug by any measure, but I would expect to find at least one case. I emailed a Native American church and out of thousands of people who the respondent had guided through Peyote trips, none reported HPPD. The closest things I found were Havelock Ellis's "heightened sensitivity to the more delicate phenomena of light...", which I don't believe is HPPD as his report was very positive about Mescaline, or "Fleeting Afterimages" reported after mescaline by 4 people who were administered it in a study mentioned here. Sartre also reported being followed by crabs for years after using mescaline, but that doesn't sound like HPPD. The other cases of HPPD mentioning Mescaline invariably mentioned use of many other psychedelics, and Mescaline was never the one last used before the onset of HPPD.
If anyone here got HPPD from mescaline or any mescaline-containing plant, then I'd love to hear about it, and if not perhaps we need to look into whether Mescaline could be considered safe - or at least safer.
By Marco S
I’d like to share more about my HPPD experiences. As I told you in my previous post, my name is Marco, I’m Mexican and I’ve got HPPD for more than four months now. This forum has been way far the best source of information, inspiration, awareness and counseling with the condition I’ve found during this period. My psychologist insists it is an addiction issue, and my friends despite being friendly and supportive with me, they cannot fully understand what I am going through.
So I hope some of my reflections and ideas help others just as reading about your own stories guys helped me a lot when I was first disorientated and felt lost at the beginning of this journey. First I’d like to tell you I’ve always been interested on politics, society, abstract ideas and concepts, culture and subjects related. HPPD seemed to take that away from me for a while. In the last two weeks I’ve been able to start reading again the topics I do enjoy, and to really feel interested about them, something I did not feel able to do for more than 120 days.
I am studying an International Relations bachelor in one of the most prestigious programs in Mexico. My dream is to work either as a diplomat for the Mexican government or to join the United Nations and contribute in some of its programs and institutions, such as the World Food Program, UNICEF or Human Rights. My goal is to mark a difference on people’s lives and improve the quality of life on developing countries, weak democracies and humanitarian crisis.
The first two months of HDDP I was not interested at all one those issues anymore. I was struggling not only with my physical pain but with a pretty strong brain fog that did not allowed me to think clearly on the topics addressed by my teachers and university. Academic tasks felt difficult to be done and not worth it. I also lost passion on some of my other hobbies: running, playing sports, hanging out with my friends and discussing about any subject with them.
I am also a huge soccer fan, so I lost all my team’s season -luckily they made it to the Play offs and now they are playing next week in my hometown- and I did not watch a single match. It was a slow and sometimes desperate process not to feel any interest about stuff anymore. I once read one book -the two Popes- and although an interesting reading- I did not think like I fully enjoyed it.
All of this happened to me meanwhile traveling across Mexico. So I saw many spectacular places and met the most interesting people. But again, I kind of felt I was being fake with my environment, instead of truly showing how I felt. Maybe a month ago I started watching a lot of films on Netflix, and that really helped. It was a relief for me to notice I was becoming capable again to follow and fully understand a story, but the most important fact for me was the feeling of actually having fun.
Then I decided going for a run maybe 3-4 times a week, and that also helped a lot. I guess it is the hormones the brain segregate when I work out, a similar reaction when eating something you like or having sex. I mean, I am not a physician or a health expert but that’s the basic knowledge I have about how the brain works. After movies it tryed small readings. Looking for articles on the newspapers and media outlets I like -The New York Times, El País, The Guardian, Washington Post and CNN- and addressing the international issues I am more into: the Venezuelan crisis, the Israeli-Palestinian conflict and so on.
Last week for example, I engaged reading an article about the Cuban exiled community in Miami, and it was something that kept me like an hour totally immersed on it, sometimes forgetting about my HPPD. I also discovered some other hobbies, like cooking. Something that I am frankly good at and that I never tried before. Now I intend to cook dinner at least twice a week. It’s something fun and motivating.
I’m glad my mental clarity is showing from time to time. Now I do experience more “lucid” moments that before and without knowing the exact reason I guess it could be due the way I’ve tried to put my mind to work. Also sleeping has been important, and even tough my nutrition is not the greatest -I’ve actually gained some weight in the last month- I am not drinking anymore, neither smoking or drinking coffee.
In general I believe my physical aspect reflects my improvement. I just had a haircut two days ago. I think I look sharper, and generally my presence and even the way I speak feels better. Also the interaction I’m having with my friends in social media and even the dating and flirting I’ve been into the last couple of weeks feels right. I do not feel a 100% well, not even close, but I guess I’ve noticed being in a good mood definitely helps. Of course I also have my bad days, on which I don’t even want to get up from bed. I guess there are cycles and momentums, so I’m just trying to live the good ones, and make them more frequent.
I’m soon coming back home. I don’t know how the interaction with my parents and brother is going to be like. I feel excited about the opportunities I have in my hometown, about hanging with my closest friends again, and generally about the positive aspects of being home: more money, free time, my own space, a car, and the list goes on. I’ll keep you updated about my process and the way I’m facing it. I may see a doctor next week, I just talked with my parents and they decided it’s the best option by now.
Please tell me more about you guys and the tips, recommendations, tricks and everything that could be helpful for me please. Also if you want to discuss any specific topic feel free to comment or to send me a message. Thanks a lot for reading, hope you have an amazing day and keep fighting. You are not alone and we are all on this together.
Sincerely, Marco S
By Marco S
My name is Marco, I am a 21 year old student living in Mexico. I'd like to tell you my story, my toughts towards HPPD and the lessons I've learnt from this experience.
I developed HPPD on January 2021. I was throught a bad emotional moment, due to the pandemic and a broken relationship. Since august 2020 I had decided to try LSD so I did it with a couple of friends. I did it twice, both times in parties and drinking alcohol. having as a result pretty mild experiences. I've never really been into drugs: I'd tried weed before, a couple of times, also in social situations, but I was never a regular consumer. Then on October me and one of my best friends had mushrooms, which were actually very strong. I did not enjoy it at all, but nothing bad happened after that time.
Then, at the beginning of this year, I bought acid and made the decision to have an LSD trip for the first time without alcohol or any other distraction. In fact I don't know if it was LSD or something else -based on the research I've been into these recent months it could've been N-BOME.- and had a horryfing bad trip, with lots of negativity and hopeless thoughts. The upcoming day everything changed. I almost had no sleep after the trip, as I was heading home from a holiday, and all the hallucination symptons remained more that two days. I almost had a panich attack and I had to tell my parents the situation as I thought I really needed to see a doctor or go to the hospital. Fortunately I was able to calm down and had some sleep after 36 hours.
Since then I'm on this journey. I talked with some of my friends about my syptoms but everyone told me the same: they were normal, LSD may have some flashbacks and that it was nothing I should worry about. But the weeks passed and I was not feeling any better, but the opposite. Since my university classes are online now due the pandemic, I got a job on a hostal near the beach in Mexico. My plan was to travel the country as the school allowed me to take the remote classes wherever I was. My departure was scheduled one week after the LSD trip, so I almost decided to cancel it and to stay home. But finally I decided to travel anyway and here's wher I am right now.
I must say some of my symptoms have improved a little since this started. But some have worsen at moments. Generaly I feel better than two months ago. February and March were definitely the worst period for me. I barely could not concentrate on my classes and tasks. I was drinking a lot, so I felt bad all day long. I had terrible headaches and pain in the eyes. My visuals were strong and the braing fog affected the way I talked and some of my daily activities. I decided to implement some changes on my lifestylle and they have helped me to feel better. I quited coffee and alcohol, and of course any kind of drugs. I have as much sleep as I can and I am trying also to eat healthier and to drink lots of water. It was hard for me to work out at the beginning but now I attempt to take a run three or four days a week.
Anyway I don't feel capable to do some of the stuff I enjoyed the most before this started. I used to read a lot and now it is hard for me to concentrate, and it is painful actually to read. I used to play chess, to participate in forums. I wrote for a newspaper and had a radio show. I am aware that some of this activities are hard for me now because I've lost some confidence on myself. And also anxiety makes it way worse. I've realized that when I've been capable to lower my anxiety everything feels so much better.
Traveling has been fun, but I haven't feel able to enjoy it a hundred percent. Now I am coming back home so I will experience again how it feels to have a routine and be more calmed as I won't have to work anymore and I'll have some time to rest, eat healthier and work out. I am not closed to the idea of seeing a doctor, but honestly with everything I've read about the condition I am not hopeful either. HPPD has taught me a lot about patience. I don't know if I'm ever gonna fully recover from this, but the only way I'll find out is with time. Taking one step at a time and working everday for my wellness and health.
My hope is far to be over. I am a resiliant person and I've faced pretty hard challenges during my life. I try to see HPPD as another challenge life had for me. Of course it makes life so much harder, but also it feels right to notice I've been four months now with this, and yet I've managed to keep studiyng an International Relations bachelor in one of he most demanding universities in my country, to work in some of the most beautiful and touristic places in the world, made dozens of great friends from all over the world, worked as a High School english teacher, and discovered amazing spots with amazing people, enjoying the craziest adventures.
Of course it hurts, of course it's hard, unconfortable, demanding, painful and discouraging. But I am not letting HPPD ruin my plans, goals, objectives and dreams. I'll force myself to be a more empathetic, healthy, honest and transparent human being. And also to help others and understand other people's problems. I really have to thank everyone on this forum. It has helped me a lot to understand more about this condition, the way I can live with this, and a source of inspiration and aid in some of my lowest moments.
Greetings to everyone, if you have some recommendations, tips, or you just want to have a conversation feel free to send me a message, I'd love to meet you all.
Hello everyone, in advance I wanna apologize for my non mother tounge English and for not really coming to an end with telling my story and maybe using the wrong tread for that post.
I‘m not quite sure yet if a self diagnose with HPPD is appropriate for me but I want to tell you about my story, my seizure-similar experiences and my worries about taking meds.
i don’t really know when all of this started.
I‘m 24 now and I’ve been smoking weed regularly since 2015/2016, never had any noticeable problems with consuming it but could always keep it on a kind of moderate level, smoked everyday but usually at night time and never had problems having breaks inbetween for weeks.
August 2019 I went to Indonesia/Gili Islands and „of course“ I had to try one of there mushroomshakes there, Even though I never had drug experiences besides 3 times of mdma and the weed. However, the first mushroom trip was quite pleasing nothing as how I experienced it and the dose was very low as I wanted it to be so I nearly had any hallucinations, my mind felt very clear and I did feel kind of creative. That good and light experience might have taken the my „respect“ of this drug so on that same holiday 2 weeks later I drank another mushroom shake, at night, in my hotel were the atmosphere wasn’t that nice, furthermore my friend I wanted to take it with didn’t notice anything and the dosage was a bit to high for me I guess. I wouldn’t call it having a bad trip, but all of the circumstances kind of freaked me out and I really had to calm myself down throughout the trip. Anyways when I came back to Germany, my home country I ordered some mushrooms from the Netherlands, because I wanted to microdose them, for „selfhealing“ my selfdiagnosed depression that I was to scared to go to a doctor with. In December 2019 I started microdosing for nearly three month, I didn’t feel so much of the positive effects promised but I didn’t stopped smoking while doing it which might me the reason for that, sometimes the day after taking it a felt kinda dizzy and I had that thing called mouches volantes I guess, that seemed like little flys/black dots infront of my eyes, next day I didn’t have anything. Sometimes when I took the dosage in the morning and smoked werd afterwards I got really sensitive to noises which also kind of made me aggressive or I felt like I had to leave the situation. However, all of that stopped when I stopped with the microdosing. At that point I want to say that I hadn’t felt really depressed ever since, anyways I feel like I kind of changed ever since, which I haven’t really noticed as a Problem till a few month ago, that’s why I don’t know if i‘n actually having the HPPD or what it’s caused from. in the past year is started getting more annoyed of people or not really „getting“ their way of living life, I started feeling anxious about talking infront of others and felt Kindle confused when I had too, but it was just in front of my class (i’m studying health science - how ironic I know) and I started isolating myself more, but just felt that I wasn’t as dependent on others as I used too. Then suddenly I started hating the smell and taste of weed, I didn’t like the “relaxing” effects it gave me because I just felt unsatisfied with myself and not good, summer2020 I went on a vacation with my family and didn’t smoke fore 2 month, everything was fine, don’t think I ever felt that good and stable during a vacation in a long period of time. However when I came back to the city I’m studying in and to my circle of friends who is smoking weed excessively I started smoking again too, with the differences that I felt that weed didn’t have any effect on me anymore, I couldn’t smell it, didn’t really taste it, it didn’t make me tired anymore, there was still a slight change but I don’t really know what made me continue smoking, I also noticed that it got kind of Heard- for me to not smoke for a few days because it made me feel really weird, I thought I couldn’t focus as much anymore and I thought I needed it to write on my assignments, I don’t really know. I felt kind of anxious at some points when I was smoking and had those weird episodes which makes me think there might be more connection to seizures.
in the past 6 month it had happened that when I smoked time seemed to pass on “double-time” like really really fast and voices of YouTube videos sounded quite weird, sometimes when was reading it felt like it takes me less then 3 seconds to read through a pages and sometimes I could hear my heartbeat really really loud and thought it was really fast but when was measuring it everything was fine. I found this forum where people are describing similar situation but there is not a clear diagnose to it yet, some people are talking about DEREALISATION but some people are also diagnosed with SEIZURES due to those episodes were there was also found proof for it in brain storms. I can’t find an English tread where it’s described but if you type in everything feels loud and fast into google you can find treads liked to derealisation but also to partial epilepsy.
on New Years I took mdma and it was kind of weird because I needed nearly double the dose of my flatmate even though I didn’t consume it for 3 years in advance, everything felt fine and I felt happy as I always do on mdma. Next day was fine too, but that’s when I started questioning myself more and more, especially because I felt like nothing really had any effect on my mind or my body, like I was non existent. With that I’m talking about the not getting stoned anymore, being able to take very high mdma doses and just stopping to smoke cigarettes without really caring or feeling any withdrawal about it after smoking around twenty cigs for the past 8 years. I got really worried about myself even though I felt good in general, but somehow too good, like nothing really bothered me or could get close to me without the feeling of being depressed.
the experience I made that made me stop smoking weed and being scared of ever wanting to take any kind of drug ever in my life again, also made me go to a psychologist since it made me really panic. I started blaming the weird effect of the weed on me, that I couldn’t taste or really smell it on the weed because I know there was going some bad Chinese chemical cannabidoids around close to the town I’m studying in, anyways when I went to my hometown I brought some of it because I somehow got really used to smoking weed and with that I mean a lot of weed, even though I never had a tolerance with it before or anything I started rolling blunts without feeling anything the weeks in advance. Since I was kind of unsure about the weed after I heard about the chemical Chinese thing I rolled a joint and just put a little tiny amount of it in the joint, when I hitted it first I already felt anxious about it, after 4-5 hits I had to stop smoking because everything started feeling very weird for me again, I tried to do some anxiety meditation and while I was sitting on my Yogamatt my whole body started shaking even though I felt relaxed, the speakers voice got so loud even I lowered my laptops tone to the lowest and everything started speeding up, my environment started looking weird as I everything was drawn (now I know that that’s how it looks when you are derealized) but it was just so much worse then my worst state of derealisation, but somehow feeling calm meanwhile.
However, that’s when I told myself I need to stop, I already had made an appointment at the psychiatrist before that situation but there were still a few days to go which where really horrific.
I posted about those “fast and loud” situations on an neurological Facebook page where people told me about their kids having experienced the exact same and then were diagnosed with epilepsy.
now to the current situation:
I got really really anxious about what could be wrong with me, I thought I just got schizophrenia or really bad psychosis, but it was just a really bad state of derealisation and an extrem depersonalize where I couldn’t feel myself anymore and felt like someone else was talking and people started looking differently and so on and I felt tense and sweaty 24/7. The psychologist I’m still seeing weekly ever since diagnosed me with an anxiety disorder, depression and derealisation symptoms caused by a childhood trauma (my dad was killed when I was at the age of two). She prescribed seroquel/quetiapin at the lowest dose of 25mg, mainly because she thinks it heals for the derealisation which is kept up by anxiety and to relax my mind again. I took it at night before going to sleep, my bad derealisation and depersonalization actually went away and I felt really really good even though it’s a very low dose, anyways, I’m not really feeling fine with taking meds which made me anxious about the seroquel and check on google all of the time as if it was my main problem now. When reading the first “bad” experiences I started thinking about it in a more negative way even though it still made me feel as good and motivated as I haven’t felt in YEARS, which also freaked me out because I wasn’t used to feeling that good. My psychologist wants to give me the control over the medicating and leaves it up to me if I’m taking it or not, if I stop taking it every now and then to control how I’m feeling without it and so on.
right now and don’t really know what to do. I took the seroquel for 1 month now, last week I stopped taking it because I got scared of all the negative side effects I was reading about on the internet. After not taking it I didn’t have any sleeping problems, anyways I don’t feel that motivated anymore and I’m struggling keeping active as much as I did in the Seroquel. I notice those visual effects as “heatwaves”, sometimes a dot infront of my eyes when I’m reading and a thing that I can only describe as seeing the “molecules” in the air but I had those things the past year every now and then without giving them to much value.
now that I’m reading about the HPPD which might be my actual problem I don’t really know what to do anymore.
I’m scared that taking the Seroquel will disturb my self healing process if HPPD or make it last even though it might have vanished in its own after a few more month on the other hand I feel better with the Seroquel but with all the posts about Seroquel not being good for HPPD it gets me worries that I might worsen the situation or as I already said, make it stay even though it might have been gone in it’s own after a few more month.
I don’t want to try out other things but since the LAMOTRIGIN is used for epilepsy and epilepsy might show the same symptoms of the derealisation I had that I now think came from the HPPD rather then from child trauma I somehow think there could be more connection between it and I should try it out but also with that I’m scared that it makes the HPPD manifest and that it will have even worse negative side effects then the low dose of Quetiapin I’m taking. I’m reading that best thing is not taking anything which I feel too but on the other hand I felt so much better with the Seroquel and now that I’m not using it my brain fog and my unmotivatedness and my anxiety makes me feel worse and tired and I actually need to function.
I don’t really know what answers or inputs I’m hoping to get from this post of myself I just felt like I need to share everything that’s going through my mind even though it might be kind of confusing. I don’t really feel supported with those thoughts by my psychologist because as I mentioned she’s leaving it up to me if I take it or not. But I just don’t know. I can’t and I don’t want to talk to her about thinking that I have HPPD because I’m scared that she doesn’t know how to treat it and neither does anyone else around where I come from.
I smoked first time 0.2 No effect, no withdrawal.
I smoked week later 0.2 acid Panic attack, little trip, lasted 15mins. Withdrawal, irritable 3days.
Smoked month later 1.0 (Strong unknown, not wet(i think non acid) high fun
Next day 1.0 high fun.
Here we go... First strange thing i noticed, third day i was high in afternoon without weed. Normal week, clear brain. I drunk 0.5l of vodka and next day i got all visual snow symptoms. I was so stressed that i damaged my brain for 2months. Last 2months (4months of visual snow) i started to see things.. some sort of faces or eyes in front of me. Faces and strange objects in corner of eye.
I'm not in psychosis. I know whats real and not even with depersonalization. I can imagine sounds(that happened before, like dog bark or something) or stuck them for minutes.
I'm schizophrenic or what? These hallucinations are so strange... Will i heal after all? For now ofc i want to heal my hallucinations but visual snow is destroying me too.
I hope we will all heal from this.
P.S. I stopped everything after visual snow. No drugs, No alchogol, fuck this shit really.