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LSA, Mescaline Tea, A Sad Empty Heart and Fear of HPPD


worriedtripper
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Over a month ago I had a strong San Pedro Mescaline Tea, which resulted in a fearsome trip that left my heart, mind and spirit feeling free, much as all the promises of the Huachuma brew claim. I began this quest to heal a rough two and a half rift with my boyfriend, who I loved very much at the time. I had a fabulous two weeks after this, got back in touch with my sexuality and felt the best I have in years. 

My recovery was a little overwhelming to him and my new energy levels and motivation caused us to have a bad fight. Three days of trying to patch things up led to me questioning him on the nature of our relationship and ended up with cruel answers that sent me spiraling into irrationality. I had some Hawaiian Baby Woodrose LSA seeds lying around the house. I took 3 of those and a few klonipin and fell into a mentally uncomfortable slumber with a hangover later.  The next day I realized that the "full" feeling the Huachuma put into my heart was gone, and I felt far from and isolated from my boyfriend. 

Tuesday: So the the next day I consumed a moderate amount of mescaline tea hoping to reset things. This time I was alone and when some uncomfortable feelings came on I went out to drink 2 beers, felt good and wanted to go for a walk but ended up home with the beers anyway. My boyfriend dropped in on me and I felt happy in the moment but nervously had another 3 beers.

Wednesday: I awake the next morning, he is off to work and I feel far from him again. Decide to reach for the very last little bit of mescaline tea to see if it could cure my heartache. Nervous feelings consume me again and I drink a six pack of till I pass out.

Friday he returns home and I am suffering. After months of feeling emotionally distanced from him, I missed the feeling of those two weeks. I no longer felt like I knew I loved him him and our relationship felt like a charade. I decide to split a six pack with him. This didn't help and I reached for 3 of the mysterious LSA seeds. I wanted to get back in touch with that place where I felt our love.

I ended up drinking 5 beers and tripping into the sloppiness crying mess of "I love you because, I love you because". 

The next day I felt stoic, closed off and had a complete loss of appetite.

The next few days brought on depression, anxiety attacks, drowsiness, depersonalization, brain fog and fear I ruined my brain.

A week has passed. I cannot eat, I feel cut off from my feelings, dry and empty inside. I started noticing trace visuals sparingly when tired. I go through loopys visions of recollections of sad memories when with my bf . I get anxious very easily and my hands shake.

Does anyone know if these are parts of HPPD or something else that may pass. I was on 5-htp and polygala tenuifolia when I ingested the LSA.

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Usually HPPD is accompanied by a variety of visual disturbances so if you're just feeling cut off from the outside world, emotionally drained, empty, etc., then you might just be feeling the effects of all the drugs you've been taking. You should really try and cut back, even go as clean as you can for a month or so and see how you feel after that. If you're already feeling depersonalized I'd stay as far away from drugs as possible if I were you, especially hallucinogens. Your mind and body are telling you to lay off. It's best to listen in these circumstances. 

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I'm no doctor, just some guy with hppd but it sounds like you're under a huge amount of stress and that can do all kinds of things to the body and the mind.  Also, it's not unusual to see "trails" after dosing.  I used to call HBW seeds " trail seeds" because they would often produce trails for a few days.  I don't know what it is about LSA but it takes some time to clear the system.  I give the same advice to everyone.  Stop taking drugs for a while and see how things are going.  Above all, don't despair! 

Edited by MadDoc
Foolish typing
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Momma, you got to be careful.   

 

This sounds like the right ingredients for a disaster. 

 

The fact is that 19 of 20 times (or more), you are not going to fix your bad trip with another trip.   And can be summed up in bad English: 'Shit don't work'.

 

So you gotta just stop everything for a while.  ... Don't allow yourself to get all PTSD.  Because 'once you there, ain't so easy to get out of'.

 

Ultimately, it doesn't matter if you have diagnosed yourself HPPD or not.   If you have prolonged unwanted symptoms from drug use, you just have to dry out and dry out probably for good. 

 

Also as a side note, in very low doses LSD and LSD analogues are agonists to Serotonin receptors.   But once you get to like 50mics, it becomes an antagonist of the Serotonin receptors.  So taking Serotonin in supplement form while on an LSD analogue makes no sense to me.  I don't know.

 

But either way, just stop everything (stop drugs not prescribed to you, including pot and beer) and try to make sense of the situation.  

 

Just keep in mind, We are all here if you need help!! 

Edited by mgrade
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